Changed my mind about wanting a pet

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They do shed

Some do, some don’t

[Anonymous]

I agree this is a troll (follow-up posts sound very troll-y) but my xH did this to me. Promised my cat could come then told me no after we got married and move in together.

We didn’t divorce over the cat, but eventually did divorce years later because that was his attitude towards relationships - things had to be his way. Eventually the other partner has enough and leaves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because he had this cat already and you agreed to it. It’s not like he just went out and got a cat.

[Anonymous]

The compromise is that DH gets the cat out he has to buy a big enough house so that the cat never enters the wing with OP's rooms, kitchen, and baths, and he has to shower in a cat-free bath room and then walk naked into and dress in an adjacent cat-free room before entering OP's wing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?

How is a cat infringing on your comfort? Cats are sweet and easy to care for. This is

like a child to your partner. You need to tell partner how you feel.

OP doesn’t have a problem with cats! The IDEA of a cat makes her uncomfortable.

This. What does "I just can't live with a cat" even mean? I never would have thought I could live with 4 boys, either, but there it is!!

You need to articulate what the actual problem or fears are. And in order to do that, you need to know what those problems and fears are. Do you?

I think you need to give it a try, but be very very honest with your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Because a cat isn’t like a possession. It’s a living creature with physical and emotional needs, and the discussion of its future was made during your engagement. Just like a relationship can end if you change your mind about whether you want kids, this can end it as well. You are in the wrong completely.

OP- So what is the solution? Should I sacrifice my comfort and just agree to the cat?

The cat won’t live forever and cats are like zero work. You put out food in a bowl sometimes. Your husband does the litter box. That’s it. It’s not like a dog.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Commit to what? Having a cute fluffy animal around? Having a happy husband who gets to enjoy the cute fluffy animal? What “commitment” is involved? Especially considering that it’s his cat and he will be taking care of it.

[Anonymous]

Presuming you aren’t a troll, the time to decide you didn’t want to keep his cat was pre engagement. It probably would have been fine. As you say, he loves you more than his cat and it sounds like his parents are ok with the cat. An honest conversation about how you don’t want to live with a pet and coming home with a solution together. Only a very strange person would dump their fiancé over this. However, you agreed to the cat, said it was fine, got married, and are now very clear that you never intended to have this cat at all. It’s a nasty bait and switch. Like if your husband promised he wanted kids and you were pregnant from a previous relationship and as soon as you got married he was like “just kidding, please have an abortion, I don’t see myself being a father.” (Obviously the timing doesn’t make sense for that scenario but you get the idea). Yes a cat is not a human fetus but you see the level of willful deception is the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here- to all saying divorce and that my DH would divorce me, you all are being ridiculous and overreacting. We love each other very much and my DH would never divorce me over a cat. He loves his cat but he loves me more.

Then he is a fool. You tricked him into marrying you.

You are being ridiculous. Cats sleep most of the time, and he will change the litter box.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cat mom here. We have a cat and a golden retriever. I agree the cat is low maintenance, but they do she and scratch furniture. Ours has ruined a leather couch, but i still love her. You either can overlook they, or you can’t. OP sounds pretty rigid.

Not all cats do that. I have a leather couch and have had two cats and neither touched it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They do shed

Some do, some don’t

Mine doesn't. Most do. Hubby can vacuum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Before getting married, I told my fiance that I would be ok with taking in his cat to our new place. At the time, I really was ok with it and didn’t mind it. I didn’t love the idea but I’ve seen how much he loves his cat so I was willing to take him in. His cat is ‘temporarily’ at his parents home and he’s just waiting for me to tell him to bring the cat to our place.

Now that we’re married and settled in, he keeps asking me when to take the cat in and I keep postponing it, however I know that I just can’t handle living full time with a cat. I know that I previously agreed to bringing the cat in and that he’ll handle most of the work related to the cat but now that I’ve thought about it, I just can’t imagine taking care of a pet.

I haven’t told him how I feel yet since I don’t know how to bring up the topic as I know that he’ll be upset about it. Any advice? And do you think I’m being unreasonable about this?

I should add that the cat is being taken care of and loved by his parents and siblings. Whenever we go visit them, he gets to play with him so that might be a good compromise instead of us taking him in full time?

Before I point out that you're a fscking monster... Why not? Are you allergic? What is your reasoning?

OP- I just can’t live with a cat. Why am I a monster for changing my mind about something? Having a pet is a huge commitment and I just can’t commit to this right now.

Cats are super easy to take care of. What is the issue? I would be furious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you think going to play with his cat at his parents’ house is a *compromise* speaks volumes. A compromise means you’re giving something too. You’re “letting” him visit his own cat?! WTF!

I think a better compromise is that she moves out, and he can go play with her if and when he feels like it.

[Anonymous]

I just watched a video of a guy crying after being reunited with his dog who went missing in the LA fires.

OP doesn’t appear to have actual human emotions and compassion so she cannot understand the bond and feelings of love people experience toward their pets. The fact she is so flippant about it all (he can just go visit the cat right?!) shows how little she cares about her spouse’s feelings. If she did care about him she would either suck it up and adapt to the cat or have told him pre-marriage this was a deal breaker. But marrying someone (and their cat, because the DH has made a commitment to another living being) and then pulling the rug out is so profoundly selfish.

Even if the DH rehomes the cat (because he may feel like he has no choice), I guarantee he will resent OP. And if the cat moves in, I somehow doubt OP will be able to keep her disgust of it concealed. This is a bad way to start a marriage. If OP isn’t a troll then she is in a doomed marriage.

[Anonymous]

Not compatible. The marriage will not last.