Nowhere for child to sit at birthday party/bullying issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1

All this. Nothing got me 'unshy' faster than having kids. Someone has to advocate for them especially when they're little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as if your child has socio-communication issues, OP. He might benefit from an evaluation if you're finding that he's routinely targeted and victimized by different groups, and has difficulty finding solutions when he's upset and controlling his emotions. Kids are bloodhounds - they smell a weakness from miles away. This happened to my son at the same age, who was diagnosed with an ADHD/HFA combo.

Please don't be rigid yourself (stop crying or we're leaving). He's being overly rigid, so everyone else has to be flexible, in order for a crisis to be averted. It's difficult to teach self-control and self-awareness to someone who digs themselves in and has tantrums, but when you're in crisis mode and are looking for a peaceful, socially acceptable outcome, it's best not to get into a battle of wills - you will lose 100% of the time. You might have taken him outside for fresh air, with food if allowed, then come back in for cake, and ask an adult to give him his chair for a minute. Distract and defuse.

And when he's calm, teach him breathing techniques, visualization, CBT therapy techniques, anything that will help him become a little more flexible so that he can trouble shoot situations himself instead of going immediately into Defcon 1.

Well, yeah, obviously he was having some socio-comm issues; but he is 5 and a boy and was running in a pack of 6-7 year olds in highly stimulating environment. All younger boys in that situation are going to have some social/comm issues.

None of the kids were 7. OPs kid having a meltdown has nothing to do with the other kids. They came in, found a seat and had pizza. Many 5.5 year olds can manage that.

Actually, OP explained that there were in fact 6 and 7 year olds. My kid's private kindergarten was like that and it was awful. Parents redshirt their kids for social dominance and that's what happens. They can smell fear and insecurity from across the room and the younger kids are treated horribly by the boys who are dominant not just because they're older, but because they are also being raised by parents who value that personality--being in charge and in control. I can feel in my bones what OP went through. A lot of you sound like the power-hungry types who think the problem is all with the kid and OP instead of recognizing what jerks the other parents and kids were. It's really sad. OP: find another environment for that kid. Better yet: since you can't beat em, join em and redshirt him somewhere else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You point the finger at a lot of people. These kinds of situations don’t require blaming others. They aren’t personal.

You could have managed this a lot of different ways but the biggest issue I see is your perspective of look at what all these adults and other kids did or didn’t do to exclude my child. That is a really toxic and unhealthy way to view what happened.

I agree. I have a 5 y/o in k and, by that age, it’s really important for them to have basic coping skills for handling situations that don’t go their way (like being able to take a seat that was offered after the seat they wanted was taken). It’s important to model this behavior and it does not sound like OP is able to.

That said, I have a 7 y/o in 2nd and if my 5 year old was seriously in a K class of only 6 and 7 y/os I would switch schools.

[Anonymous]

A backpack or jacket to mark a seat would be moved in a second when there are no spare seats. Especially when people are trying to eat. That’s not bullying.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, but it sounds like you were the problem here. Several opportunities where you could have been more assertive.

"Excuse me, Liam, this is Lincoln's seat. Do you see, Lincoln saved it with his jacket."

or

"Excuse me, Jennifer, could Lincoln please have your seat, it looks like there aren't any others available for children."

Next time, try advocating for your child. He is watching you.


As for the crying, clearly your child was tired and hangry, and you are trying to make excuses for this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I took my 5-year-old DS to a birthday party today for a 6 y/o boy in his class. The boys were wild - just insane. Some of them were 6 turning 7, and were much into the rough and tumble/push-me-pull-you play. They were stealing each other's shoes and running amok; none of the parents seemed to care and were on their phones the entire time. After about an hour of this, it was time to eat. I took DS to the table area, which had limited seating in a sectioned-off area. There were about 16 kids there and maybe 20 chairs.

I put DS's jacket down on a chair and went away to wash his hands. When I came back, another little boy was sitting in his chair. Pizza was being handed out. DS was upset because someone else "took his spot" and started to get upset. The little boy's mom had her back turned the whole time and didn't seem to care or offer to grab another chair. I ushered him off to the side and looked around for another chair while he started to cry - there were maybe 1 or 2, but kids were still coming in, and then chairs went quickly. Suddenly there was nowhere for DS to sit and he was on the sidelines, he was a bit hot and cranky from running around and playing so I encouraged him to drink some water. He started to cry because he felt left out. None of the adults offered their seats; most were zoned out, eating pizza. So DS started to cry harder, and I (failingly) told him to calm down, drink some water, and I'll grab him a piece of pizza, to which he yelled, "NO!" the host then grabbed a seat and encouraged DS to sit. But he was embarrassed and didn't want to move, so he started to throw a tantrum. I sucked in this situation, and I told him if he didn't stop crying, we would go home - because he was causing a scene at this point, and other parents were just staring at him. Then, another little boy took the seat offered to him, and the other child's parent did nothing.

I was just embarrassed and felt so awkward. My kid was crying and felt left out. There was nowhere for him to sit, but plenty of adults could have stood or moved. I know I worsened the situation by telling him to stop crying or we were leaving. There were no extra chairs for me to grab, and the facility was firm that we couldn't move chairs from other zoned-off party areas. So we just sat at the side, with DS eating alone, and left early.

I don't know what I could have done differently. DS goes to a private school and has been the victim of bullying by older kids who have been pushing him on the playground and holding him down; he's had some minor injuries. The principal was notified that one child had to switch classes, and the other was sent home from school. DS is now afraid to go to school and sees the counselor. He has friends in our neighborhood, and we've signed him up for Cub Scouts, but he's not meshing with his peers at his private school (who are mostly 6+ and did an extra year of kindergarten or were red-shirted). Most of the kids at today's party were older boys.

I would love to hear suggestions from other parents on what to do. These parents were not part of my regular social circle, and I know any of my mom's friends would have offered a seat or grabbed a chair or something to help. They wouldn't have let a child feel left out and cry on the side while the parent looked around frantically, flustered and frustrated, trying to fix it.

Sadly, this level of laziness is the status quo. Boyswillbeboys, amirite?

[Anonymous]

Oh please, there was no bullying here, there was a mom with high levels of anxiety who was not willing to stand up for her tired and hungry child. That's it, period.

Next time bring hand sanitizer, OP, so your child doesn't miss out on the best seats.

[Anonymous]

My god yall pile on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A backpack or jacket to mark a seat would be moved in a second when there are no spare seats. Especially when people are trying to eat. That’s not bullying.

It’s not not rude though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is a little wimpy. Sorry.

My daughter is 7. There have been plenty of times when there have not been enough seats. She has sat alone. We have sat on the side. Another kid shared a seat with her.

I’m sorry if he has been bullied at school but this party seems like no big deal. Your kid kind of overreacted. Host offered him a seat. He didn’t take it so another kid took it.

I also have 2 boys. Boys push and roughhouse. Your son really needs to toughen up. This chair situation really does not seem like a big deal.

I’m actually having a party and have too many guests. I may be a chair short. I told my friend and she already offered that her child does not need a chair. I told my own child she may have to stand. She said she can sit with a friend and share a chair.

See, OP? These are the lazy #boymoms.

[Anonymous]

No harm done, if that is your worry. There is pretty much always a child throwing a tantrum or crying at some point at any 5 year old’s birthday party I have ever attended. No one is judging you or you child at all.

The party format/behavior of the kids sounds pretty typical also especially if there were a lot of boys.

It is kind of strange that parents were seated (usually all the parents stand and chat nearby) but not a big deal. Ideally someone would have noticed your son needed a seat but…these parties tend to be chaotic. No one (kids or adults) was being intentionally rude.

I’d just chalk this up to a bad day and leave it at that. It happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There were 20 seats and 16 kids? What was the problem?

The problem was that parents —including OP stayed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but it sounds like you were the problem here. Several opportunities where you could have been more assertive.

"Excuse me, Liam, this is Lincoln's seat. Do you see, Lincoln saved it with his jacket."

or

"Excuse me, Jennifer, could Lincoln please have your seat, it looks like there aren't any others available for children."

Next time, try advocating for your child. He is watching you.


As for the crying, clearly your child was tired and hangry, and you are trying to make excuses for this.

You can’t tell a kid to get up who is in the middle of eating pizza and there’s nowhere else to sit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There were 20 seats and 16 kids? What was the problem?

The problem was that parents —including OP stayed.

This. Except with a younger child it’s not unexpected.

They all have tough moments at 5. It’s ok. Keep it moving.