Nowhere for child to sit at birthday party/bullying issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A backpack or jacket to mark a seat would be moved in a second when there are no spare seats. Especially when people are trying to eat. That’s not bullying.

It’s not not rude though.

Kids in general are so clueless about this. I have an 8 year old but we were at a picnic this summer where one of her classmates sat down at the seat where she had already placed her food and drink. She said "Hey Hannah, that's my seat, can you move?" There probably should have been a please in there, but she advocated for herself, like OP should have advocated for her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked nicely to those parents sitting in chair to give up one seat. If you are shy, talk to the host or the staff to ask for you.

+1
I would totally ask the host where my child could sit.

As a host, I would just say we need to ensure all kids can seat - would the adults in the room please stand up and first ensure that all kids can sit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but it sounds like you were the problem here. Several opportunities where you could have been more assertive.

"Excuse me, Liam, this is Lincoln's seat. Do you see, Lincoln saved it with his jacket."

or

"Excuse me, Jennifer, could Lincoln please have your seat, it looks like there aren't any others available for children."

Next time, try advocating for your child. He is watching you.


As for the crying, clearly your child was tired and hangry, and you are trying to make excuses for this.

You can’t tell a kid to get up who is in the middle of eating pizza and there’s nowhere else to sit.

Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked nicely to those parents sitting in chair to give up one seat. If you are shy, talk to the host or the staff to ask for you.

+1
I would totally ask the host where my child could sit.

As a host, I would just say we need to ensure all kids can seat - would the adults in the room please stand up and first ensure that all kids can sit.

OP is a germophobe who insisted on taking her child to the bathroom and to wash his hands instead of using the hand sanitizer provided by the hosts.This is also a case of you snooze, you lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but it sounds like you were the problem here. Several opportunities where you could have been more assertive.

"Excuse me, Liam, this is Lincoln's seat. Do you see, Lincoln saved it with his jacket."

or

"Excuse me, Jennifer, could Lincoln please have your seat, it looks like there aren't any others available for children."

Next time, try advocating for your child. He is watching you.


As for the crying, clearly your child was tired and hangry, and you are trying to make excuses for this.

You can’t tell a kid to get up who is in the middle of eating pizza and there’s nowhere else to sit.

No, but you can ask an adult sitting with the kids to get up so your child can sit and eat pizza with the other kids. Or you could have your child eat his pizza standing up or sitting cross legged near the wall if he needs time to get himself together and calm down from the ruckus.

[Anonymous]

Mom needs to chill and step back. Her son is being bullied because he sounds very delicate and mom isn’t helping the situation. He should be able to go to the bathroom and wash his hands on his own at this age. Or just use sanitizer. If someone took his chair and nobody would move, mom could’ve just told him to sit on the floor. No big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is a little wimpy. Sorry.

My daughter is 7. There have been plenty of times when there have not been enough seats. She has sat alone. We have sat on the side. Another kid shared a seat with her.

I’m sorry if he has been bullied at school but this party seems like no big deal. Your kid kind of overreacted. Host offered him a seat. He didn’t take it so another kid took it.

I also have 2 boys. Boys push and roughhouse. Your son really needs to toughen up. This chair situation really does not seem like a big deal.

I’m actually having a party and have too many guests. I may be a chair short. I told my friend and she already offered that her child does not need a chair. I told my own child she may have to stand. She said she can sit with a friend and share a chair.

See, OP? These are the lazy #boymoms.

I have two boys, and unfortunately- even if you don’t allow your own sons to push/roughhouse, many of the other boys will still do so. I don’t necessarily “approve” of that behavior, but I have no control over other people’s children & do have to teach my sons how to deal with their peers. For example- them learning to say “hey! knock it off!” or moving away from kids who are being rough or making them uncomfortable. Rather than crying or running to me (and then me calling it bullying or creating a large fuss over it…which will result in making social difficulties for my kid). And eventually (not necessarily at age 5) for the chair situation- they need to learn to ask/assert themselves rather than waiting for someone to offer and/or just standing there crying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom needs to chill and step back. Her son is being bullied because he sounds very delicate and mom isn’t helping the situation. He should be able to go to the bathroom and wash his hands on his own at this age. Or just use sanitizer. If someone took his chair and nobody would move, mom could’ve just told him to sit on the floor. No big deal.

+100

The good news is the kid is only 5- plenty of time to turn things around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as if your child has socio-communication issues, OP. He might benefit from an evaluation if you're finding that he's routinely targeted and victimized by different groups, and has difficulty finding solutions when he's upset and controlling his emotions. Kids are bloodhounds - they smell a weakness from miles away. This happened to my son at the same age, who was diagnosed with an ADHD/HFA combo.

Please don't be rigid yourself (stop crying or we're leaving). He's being overly rigid, so everyone else has to be flexible, in order for a crisis to be averted. It's difficult to teach self-control and self-awareness to someone who digs themselves in and has tantrums, but when you're in crisis mode and are looking for a peaceful, socially acceptable outcome, it's best not to get into a battle of wills - you will lose 100% of the time. You might have taken him outside for fresh air, with food if allowed, then come back in for cake, and ask an adult to give him his chair for a minute. Distract and defuse.

And when he's calm, teach him breathing techniques, visualization, CBT therapy techniques, anything that will help him become a little more flexible so that he can trouble shoot situations himself instead of going immediately into Defcon 1.

Well, yeah, obviously he was having some socio-comm issues; but he is 5 and a boy and was running in a pack of 6-7 year olds in highly stimulating environment. All younger boys in that situation are going to have some social/comm issues.

None of the kids were 7. OPs kid having a meltdown has nothing to do with the other kids. They came in, found a seat and had pizza. Many 5.5 year olds can manage that.

What are you on about? OP specifically said the other kids were 6 or 7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds as if your child has socio-communication issues, OP. He might benefit from an evaluation if you're finding that he's routinely targeted and victimized by different groups, and has difficulty finding solutions when he's upset and controlling his emotions. Kids are bloodhounds - they smell a weakness from miles away. This happened to my son at the same age, who was diagnosed with an ADHD/HFA combo.

Please don't be rigid yourself (stop crying or we're leaving). He's being overly rigid, so everyone else has to be flexible, in order for a crisis to be averted. It's difficult to teach self-control and self-awareness to someone who digs themselves in and has tantrums, but when you're in crisis mode and are looking for a peaceful, socially acceptable outcome, it's best not to get into a battle of wills - you will lose 100% of the time. You might have taken him outside for fresh air, with food if allowed, then come back in for cake, and ask an adult to give him his chair for a minute. Distract and defuse.

And when he's calm, teach him breathing techniques, visualization, CBT therapy techniques, anything that will help him become a little more flexible so that he can trouble shoot situations himself instead of going immediately into Defcon 1.

Well, yeah, obviously he was having some socio-comm issues; but he is 5 and a boy and was running in a pack of 6-7 year olds in highly stimulating environment. All younger boys in that situation are going to have some social/comm issues.

None of the kids were 7. OPs kid having a meltdown has nothing to do with the other kids. They came in, found a seat and had pizza. Many 5.5 year olds can manage that.

Actually, OP explained that there were in fact 6 and 7 year olds. My kid's private kindergarten was like that and it was awful. Parents redshirt their kids for social dominance and that's what happens. They can smell fear and insecurity from across the room and the younger kids are treated horribly by the boys who are dominant not just because they're older, but because they are also being raised by parents who value that personality--being in charge and in control. I can feel in my bones what OP went through. A lot of you sound like the power-hungry types who think the problem is all with the kid and OP instead of recognizing what jerks the other parents and kids were. It's really sad. OP: find another environment for that kid. Better yet: since you can't beat em, join em and redshirt him somewhere else.

This absolutely happens. A friend's DH insisted their DS repeat kindergarten so he would be older and therefor "cool" through school. He never was.

DH had been bullied or something, and DH was weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked nicely to those parents sitting in chair to give up one seat. If you are shy, talk to
the host or the staff to ask for you.

+1
I would totally ask the host where my child could sit.

As a host, I would just say we need to ensure all kids can seat - would the adults in the room please stand up and first ensure that all kids can sit.

Exactly this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked nicely to those parents sitting in chair to give up one seat. If you are shy, talk to
the host or the staff to ask for you.

+1
I would totally ask the host where my child could sit.

As a host, I would just say we need to ensure all kids can seat - would the adults in the room please stand up and first ensure that all kids can sit.

Exactly this.

The host DID grab a seat for OPs kid and he refused to sit in it. Op, I'd work on some resiliency with your kid. Mine has always been pretty sensitive and we had to work with him on learning to some things go. It got better as he got older, but early elementary school was hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, but it sounds like you were the problem here. Several opportunities where you could have been more assertive.

"Excuse me, Liam, this is Lincoln's seat. Do you see, Lincoln saved it with his jacket."

or

"Excuse me, Jennifer, could Lincoln please have your seat, it looks like there aren't any others available for children."

Next time, try advocating for your child. He is watching you.


As for the crying, clearly your child was tired and hangry, and you are trying to make excuses for this.

You can’t tell a kid to get up who is in the middle of eating pizza and there’s nowhere else to sit.

Why not?

Umm because that other kid did nothing wrong? OP left her crap laying around like probably ten other adults and kids did, and the kids all sat down to eat. If the kid was already eating and someone snagged his seat then yes okay but in this case OP’s kid never even had his butt in the seat. It was therefore never “his” seat to ask to have back.

[Anonymous]

I find social anxiety and being judgmental often go hand-in-hand. Not always but often, when I meet a socially anxious person, they judge things no one else notices. They also become anxious about being judged about things no one else notices. Are you worried someone was judging your 5-year-old for throwing a tantrum? I almost guarantee if someone were, that person also has anxiety. You can’t control the perfect storm of events that leads to a tantrum, but you try to, because you think poorly of tantrums.

This level of being judgmental is not good friend material. You want the opposite: high understanding, low judgment. That person was probably at the party. In fact, many of those people might have been at the party.

In Ghandi’s words, be the change you want in the world. Then find your flock.

[Anonymous]

[twitter] look

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have asked nicely to those parents sitting in chair to give up one seat. If you are shy, talk to
the host or the staff to ask for you.

+1
I would totally ask the host where my child could sit.

As a host, I would just say we need to ensure all kids can seat - would the adults in the room please stand up and first ensure that all kids can sit.

Exactly this.

The host DID grab a seat for OPs kid and he refused to sit in it. Op, I'd work on some resiliency with your kid. Mine has always been pretty sensitive and we had to work with him on learning to some things go. It got better as he got older, but early elementary school was hard.

It sounds like that happened after it got intense. Let’s not pick on the kid that was having a tough moment?