Nowhere for child to sit at birthday party/bullying issues.

[Anonymous]

OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

[Anonymous]

5 is still really young, so your sons behavior seems normal to me for a tired and overwhelmed kid. As has been said, your mistake was in expecting people to notice and address the issue in the midst of the already chaotic scene. I would have actively re-arranged seating or just put his plate on the floor and sat with him. Most parents are checked out at these things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

This might be a leap. Overcrowded parties need an adult to step in and manage the situation. Often it’s way too many people in a small room and party attendant not able to pass out food and do crowd control at the same time.

[Anonymous]

The bullying at school is a separate issue. Change schools.

You are creating drama over nothing. You find another place to feed your child. The parents should not have sat in seats for kids but maybe they had health or other issues that they needed to sit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

+1

He's 5! It sounds like the biggest issue is he's with a bunch of almost 7 year olds.

[Anonymous]

Switch to public. Less redshirting

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1
Also at that age, your son is old enough to be dropped off. If you wanted to stay, you need to stay on the sidelines more. Use the time to chat with these parents and make friends. Your ds is so used to and expecting you to helicopter that he has not had to learn how to navigate social situations himself, and he’s old enough that he should. You criticize the kid for taking your son’s seat, the mom for doing nothing, etc, but they’re in the right - these kids need to figure this out on their own. Your ds sounds a little socially stunted from having you micromanage everything. Depending on when he turns 6, I’d bet he could benefit from another year of k, potentially starting over at a new school with you stepping back a bit. Use your energy to chat with the parents and meet them, not hover

It’s pretty clear her son is not old enough to be dropped off. I don’t say that to be rude but he struggles with social-emotional connection with his peers and emotional regulation. I can only imagine how stressful this would’ve been without his mom, even if her anxiety did perhaps compound what they were both going through. He is not old enough or mature enough get to be dropped off but op has gotten really good advice from moms of similar kids that she’s receptive to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have to be honest here, I think you have major social anxiety and either your kid has the same tendencies, or he’s mirroring your behavior.

It’s clear from the way you got flustered and are upset with the other parents that this “no seats left” thing was sort of a catastrophe. But that’s in your head (and now your kid’s). It’s very likely that no one offered their seat because nobody understood what was happening or why you were both upset.

You both need to be able to roll with stuff. We’re not always the center of attention or the belle of the ball. You can eat pizza standing up. Or wait for someone else to finish and move. Not a big deal.

We all have a deep reaction to other kids being less than nice to ours, but sometimes that happens. You need to be able to control yourself enough to show your kid that it’s not the end of the world, even if it sucks a little bit in the moment.

+1. Your child could’ve just sat through in the first chair, taken the second one, or both you or your child could’ve asked for a third. “Excuse me, is there a chair?” “Excuse me, can I borrow this chair?”

If your child acts and reads the world the way you do, chances are he will have more conflict with his peers than his peers have with each other. You were upset because the moms were on their phone, the kids were older, they weren’t proactively helping you, your old friends would. If your child is going to other kids upset that they’re older, they’re not proactively helping, they’re not the other kids he connects better with, and they’re too busy playing tag to notice him, they’re going to find him annoying.

Sometimes kids want space from each other. That is ok. However, instead of asking for space, they do things like run away or push another kid away. That’s not bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

+1

He's 5! It sounds like the biggest issue is he's with a bunch of almost 7 year olds.

OPs kid is almost 6 just like kids who are 6 are going on 7. It’s January there aren’t kids who just turned 5. Let’s not exaggerate ages. And it doesn’t sound like the ages fully explain what happened ag this party. OP and her son both lack coping skills and OP should have modeled those skills better so that the kid didn’t flip out over the chair. This didn’t have to be such a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:These parents suck, and so did the host for not managing her party better.

Yeah I’ve been at a party where the adults took the kids chairs and the kids ran out of chairs. I asked the adult closest to me, to give up their chair so a child (not mine) could sit with the kids. They had a flash of realization and did so. I think people are just oblivious. But it was so frustrating. I mean the party is not for you, adult!

[Anonymous]

Either read the room and leave early or you pick an adult and ask him/her to stand up so your son can eat sitting down.

[Anonymous]

OP it seems both you and the boy think putting a coat on a chair made it "his spot" as if people might not have thought the coat was put there so the kid could play without one, not that it meant to permanently save a spot. Both of you seem overly upset that this was some huge injustice. It's a kids party, it's pretty much a free for all, first come first served. People aren't out to get you or him and you seem to both be taking this much more personal than it is. You need to help your kid navigate these situations better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

All this. Plus, 5 is a hard age. 6 can be, too. They aren't in preschool anymore but they are still little and there's very uneven development. In my experience (a boy and girl), 7 is where things even out, at least until late elementary/middle school.

My boy, who is generally very outgoing and has a large group of friends, was a mess at birthday parties when he was 5. I recall one at someone's house where most of the other parents dropped off and he refused to let me go. Some parents did stay so I did, too, but he spent the whole time glued to my side and would not play at all. The host was lovely and tried to engage him but he just wouldn't do anything. We stayed anyway as I felt it would have been more rude to leave, and he wasn't having a tantrum, just sitting on the side watching. We spent a lot of time in those years coaching him to be flexible (he's always had a tendency toward rule-following and rigidity) and he's pretty good now at 11, still needs occasional reminders but is very socially adept, appropriately independent, and - I hope - well-behaved. He has always been very active and physically daring but not a rough and tumble boy. He gets along with those boys but he himself isn't into tackling people and that is fine with me. Not enjoying having someone jump all over you doesn't make someone a wimp.

And by the way, OP, if these are the kids in your son's class, I'd second the idea of looking at a different school. I went to a private school and the parents were a**hats and a fair percentage of kids grew up to be rich, entitled a**hats also. My parent taught at the school - which is why I went there, faculty kids got free tuition - and it was very evident to me that a lot of kids thought teachers were "the help" and looked down on "the help." A fair number of the parents around here whom i've met, who send their kids to private school, are competitive a**hats and exactly the type to call a little kid a wimp. We have been very happy with the social environment of public school. Something you might wish to consider. Public school or a more nurturing private. Don't send your son to Landon or equivalent!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it probably felt worse to you than it was. I can sympathize. But take comfort that most people probably didn't notice much. I think the suggestions to just take your son for fresh air if you sense he is breaking down is a good one.

I greatly dislike the responses from PPs saying mean things about your son. He is five. Anyone who has called him a wimp or given the "buck up" line is an asshat. That whole attitude is why so many of the other boys are crazed lunatics. How about those parents try to raise better boys who aren't so out of control. I'm tired of the boys will be boys crap excuse for boys behaving badly.

I was one of the people who said OP’s son is wimpy. My boys are teenagers. I can’t recall them ever crying at a birthday party, even in preschool. These should be fun. Even if they didn’t know anyone, they would enjoy the activity. Some parties are not fun and that is fine, too. The birthday parties will become drop off and OP’s child obviously can’t be dropped off.