I’m exhausted with my fiancé

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ I know two people who gave birth at 26 weeks. Yes, there were NICU stays but babies survived and are doing well now. And I’m very pro-choice. Wouldn’t a baby at 26 weeks have to be delivered alive? Not to derail OP’s thread. Sorry.

No.
It is state dependent.
A woman who does not want to become a mother can abort a fetus even at the edge of viability.
Also, these babies of born still often die and/or have tons of problems.

[Anonymous]

Can you get an abortion? I'd want nothing to do with this man. Who wants to live with someone who you have to walk on eggshells around? Dump him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

What did he mean by this OP, did he have a plan for getting better? What was his plan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

Do YOU want this baby, with this person? Do you want to be saddled with him for 18 years? It sounds to me like you married (are you even married?) an abusive narcissist who love bombed and maybe also baby trapped you.

I would seek to exit this relationship at all costs including aborting. There are states where this is legal through 6 months, and a lifelong bond to someone who sounds like he is on the path to domestic violence is an excellent reason for a second trimester termination.

It is very typical for these men to only show their true colors during pregnancy.

Just because there are states with no gestational limit on abortion (that's the term for what you're calling "legal through six months") -- that does not mean that, even if OP traveled to one of those states, she could find any doctor willing to give her an abortion. Short of serious fetal abnormality or risk to the mother's health if she carries to term, vanishingly few doctors would give an abortion so late. Elective abortion is a vital right and I am pro-choice but I think it's irresponsible of you to dangle the idea of "Just travel somewhere and you can get an abortion this late" in front of the OP, when that is HIGHLY unlikely. And she has never once said here that she does not want a child. I agree that it's a terrible pity she's pregnant in these circumstances. But blithely giving the impression she can get a second trimester (nearly third trimester by the time she travels and finds anyone willing to do it) abortion -- that's irresponsible. I was going to advise her to abort until I saw how far along she was. She's yoked to this guy now. Unfortunately.

NP but there are surely some places in the US she could go for a late term abortion?

Yes. Colorado. Costs are $25k-$30k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

Do YOU want this baby, with this person? Do you want to be saddled with him for 18 years? It sounds to me like you married (are you even married?) an abusive narcissist who love bombed and maybe also baby trapped you.

I would seek to exit this relationship at all costs including aborting. There are states where this is legal through 6 months, and a lifelong bond to someone who sounds like he is on the path to domestic violence is an excellent reason for a second trimester termination.

It is very typical for these men to only show their true colors during pregnancy.

Just because there are states with no gestational limit on abortion (that's the term for what you're calling "legal through six months") -- that does not mean that, even if OP traveled to one of those states, she could find any doctor willing to give her an abortion. Short of serious fetal abnormality or risk to the mother's health if she carries to term, vanishingly few doctors would give an abortion so late. Elective abortion is a vital right and I am pro-choice but I think it's irresponsible of you to dangle the idea of "Just travel somewhere and you can get an abortion this late" in front of the OP, when that is HIGHLY unlikely. And she has never once said here that she does not want a child. I agree that it's a terrible pity she's pregnant in these circumstances. But blithely giving the impression she can get a second trimester (nearly third trimester by the time she travels and finds anyone willing to do it) abortion -- that's irresponsible. I was going to advise her to abort until I saw how far along she was. She's yoked to this guy now. Unfortunately.

NP but there are surely some places in the US she could go for a late term abortion?

Yes. Colorado. Costs are $25k-$30k.

Isn’t planned parenthood supposed to make it cheaper?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

So he was "better" for 12 hours at most? And upset to the point of yelling at you?! Honey, being a single mom will be better than being with this loser. I guarantee he is going to freak out and yell about something at your delivery. You have 3-4 months to plan - use that time to get your ducks in a row regarding being a single mom. He will not want 50/50 custody. This is the type of guy who will claim he wants it but will yell at you to "make" the baby stop crying. Dump this loser.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

So he was "better" for 12 hours at most? And upset to the point of yelling at you?! Honey, being a single mom will be better than being with this loser. I guarantee he is going to freak out and yell about something at your delivery. You have 3-4 months to plan - use that time to get your ducks in a row regarding being a single mom. He will not want 50/50 custody. This is the type of guy who will claim he wants it but will yell at you to "make" the baby stop crying. Dump this loser.

listen to this poster, OP. 100% right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It feels like he’s always getting upset about small things. For example, last night, I was just about to pop into the bathroom to get ready for bed, when a news report popped up about the UK grooming gangs that has been in the news lately. I was chatting to him about it, because he had never heard of it. Granted, I get it’s a bit of a depressing topic, but next thing I know he had stormed out and insisted on sleeping on the couch because “I don’t want to hear about this before I go to bed”. I get that, in retrospect, I should have maybe kept it to myself and just gotten ready for bed. But I honestly didn’t think it, and, in any case, it feels like I have to walk on eggshells around him, that he’s not good at managing his emotions and freaks out over the smallest things. Unfortunately I am (accidentally) pregnant so leaving isn’t so easy, but I’m afraid when we have a child together it will be a million times worse. I’m not sure if this kind of thing, a guy who always seems upset, is a legitimate red flag or I’m just suffering from pregnancy hormones. And if it is really bad, then IDK whether I should leave now or wait till after the child arrives

Yes, it will get worse because the stress will be greater. You don't need to live with somebody who makes you feel you are walking on eggshells. It is not normal. He has emotional issues and you can't fix him. Don't have a child with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

You can't fix him. Save yourself and your child.

[Anonymous]

Just proves that getting knocked up is no reason to get married!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

Do YOU want this baby, with this person? Do you want to be saddled with him for 18 years? It sounds to me like you married (are you even married?) an abusive narcissist who love bombed and maybe also baby trapped you.

I would seek to exit this relationship at all costs including aborting. There are states where this is legal through 6 months, and a lifelong bond to someone who sounds like he is on the path to domestic violence is an excellent reason for a second trimester termination.

It is very typical for these men to only show their true colors during pregnancy.

Just because there are states with no gestational limit on abortion (that's the term for what you're calling "legal through six months") -- that does not mean that, even if OP traveled to one of those states, she could find any doctor willing to give her an abortion. Short of serious fetal abnormality or risk to the mother's health if she carries to term, vanishingly few doctors would give an abortion so late. Elective abortion is a vital right and I am pro-choice but I think it's irresponsible of you to dangle the idea of "Just travel somewhere and you can get an abortion this late" in front of the OP, when that is HIGHLY unlikely. And she has never once said here that she does not want a child. I agree that it's a terrible pity she's pregnant in these circumstances. But blithely giving the impression she can get a second trimester (nearly third trimester by the time she travels and finds anyone willing to do it) abortion -- that's irresponsible. I was going to advise her to abort until I saw how far along she was. She's yoked to this guy now. Unfortunately.

NP but there are surely some places in the US she could go for a late term abortion?

Yes. Colorado. Costs are $25k-$30k.

"late term abortion" is not a real medical term. OP would be getting a second trimester abortion, which is not anywhere near "term."
A second trimester termination is covered by insurance and will not cost anywhere near this amount, nor is Colorado the only option. They are LEGAL AND AVAILABLE in WASHINGTON DC AND VIRGINIA. Stop fear mongering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

Do YOU want this baby, with this person? Do you want to be saddled with him for 18 years? It sounds to me like you married (are you even married?) an abusive narcissist who love bombed and maybe also baby trapped you.

I would seek to exit this relationship at all costs including aborting. There are states where this is legal through 6 months, and a lifelong bond to someone who sounds like he is on the path to domestic violence is an excellent reason for a second trimester termination.

It is very typical for these men to only show their true colors during pregnancy.

Just because there are states with no gestational limit on abortion (that's the term for what you're calling "legal through six months") -- that does not mean that, even if OP traveled to one of those states, she could find any doctor willing to give her an abortion. Short of serious fetal abnormality or risk to the mother's health if she carries to term, vanishingly few doctors would give an abortion so late. Elective abortion is a vital right and I am pro-choice but I think it's irresponsible of you to dangle the idea of "Just travel somewhere and you can get an abortion this late" in front of the OP, when that is HIGHLY unlikely. And she has never once said here that she does not want a child. I agree that it's a terrible pity she's pregnant in these circumstances. But blithely giving the impression she can get a second trimester (nearly third trimester by the time she travels and finds anyone willing to do it) abortion -- that's irresponsible. I was going to advise her to abort until I saw how far along she was. She's yoked to this guy now. Unfortunately.

NP but there are surely some places in the US she could go for a late term abortion?

Yes. Colorado. Costs are $25k-$30k.

Isn’t planned parenthood supposed to make it cheaper?

Planned Parenthood can’t deliver a baby at 6 months. I doubt they do “deliveries” of that nature.

[Anonymous]

OP, the fact that this has become a debate about late-term abortion - reflects the seriousness of your situation with the man-child/toddler you are engaged to.

[Anonymous]

OP, its glaringly obvious to everyone that he will not be a good partner or parent, and bringing a child into this mess will simply increase the stressors--he already can't handle anything. I know its wishful thinking that he will come around when the baby is born, but I think there is a 99% chance things will get worse and you do not want to raise a child in that kind of household.

The question now is what will YOU do. Your choices are to terminate the pregnancy--obvious not a choice to be taken lightly, but you have to make it now. I would consider this if you are not in a position to be a single parent for whatever reason.

Second choice is to have the baby, try to coparent if possible, and plan for being primary parent. This ties you to this person for many, many years and will limit your choices/future, but many people have raised kids on their own and do just fine. I would do this if I had family support, or were over 30, or felt pretty stable/secure in my life.

Third choice, which is adoption, will be very difficult if he is not on board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you for all of the responses, they've been very helpful. To answer some questions: I'm almost 6 months, so probably too late for an abortion. He *very* much wanted/wants the baby even though it was a surprise.

I spoke with him about it and told him it was unacceptable how he reacted and how unhappy I've been feeling, that it feels like I'm walking on eggshells and it's unsustainable. He cried at the idea of me leaving and apologized that he overreacted, and said that he would be better.

Then this morning he got extremely upset because it’s been maybe 4-5 days since we had sex, and he was shouting about it and saying how he couldnt live this way. So yes, it’s a theme that he gets very upset and emotional and kind of unable to self regulate, which I really hate. I’m not sure what to do because I do feel very stuck with my current physical condition. I love that he's emotional and vulnerable at times but then other times I feel completely stretched to my limit and almost traumatized because it feels like it's *always* something

So he was "better" for 12 hours at most? And upset to the point of yelling at you?! Honey, being a single mom will be better than being with this loser. I guarantee he is going to freak out and yell about something at your delivery. You have 3-4 months to plan - use that time to get your ducks in a row regarding being a single mom. He will not want 50/50 custody. This is the type of guy who will claim he wants it but will yell at you to "make" the baby stop crying. Dump this loser.

listen to this poster, OP. 100% right.

X 10000000 RUN for the hills. Geez, you haven't even had any of the real stressors yet (present when baby comes). You don't need that.