What should college dc be told about our divorce? DH is cheating and leaving to pursue a relationship with his mistress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably better coming from you than whatever version he'll give.

Yes. He seems like a loser.

Just give the facts. Tell child you are sad/mad but will be ok. Tell child you will support child however child wants to handle.

[Anonymous]

He's a lier and a cheat. DO NOT hand over the explanation to him. She states the facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't dump your trauma on a college student.

My freshmen college roommate and her brother (upperclassmen) were destroyed when something like this happened to them. They had a very hard time with it. They said they felt like there entire childhood was a lie. They were very depressed and also so angry at their dad. His timing is awful. There is a misconception kids are older it won’t matter/-/but college kids need that safety and security net at home with so much change.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

[Anonymous]

As many people have said, just be honest.

There was a recent trauma in my family and one night I overheard my father telling a friend of his details on the phone about what had happened that I had not been told. I found it extremely hurtful. It made me feel excluded in my own family and unworthy.

If other adults will know the truth (aunts/uncles/cousins/etc), your child deserves it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

They aren't 2. They are in college and 20 they will likely already think this and pretending by omission that " Daddy is leaving for some random unknown reason" is damaging could make them feel like they are being lied to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

They aren't 2. They are in college and 20 they will likely already think this and pretending by omission that " Daddy is leaving for some random unknown reason" is damaging could make them feel like they are being lied to.

Point taken. I'm just trying to figure out right now how/when to bring this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't dump your trauma on a college student.

+1

[Anonymous]

“I debated waiting until break to tell you, because I know it will be tough to hear, but I don’t want to keep this from you. Your dad is having an affair and has decided to move out. This has been hard on me, obviously, but I will be okay. I don’t know exactly how this will
play out, but I do know that we both love you very much. We both want you to continue to do well in school. And we are both here for you.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

Absolutely yes. They may have to face whispers and gossip on social media and need to prepare themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying for college? Don’t jeopardize that.

Daddy’s new girlfriend is already cutting that off, rest assured.
In December the FAFSA will be done with only the mom. And letter should go to uni to explain change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who’s paying for college? Don’t jeopardize that.

Daddy’s new girlfriend is already cutting that off, rest assured.
In December the FAFSA will be done with only the mom. And letter should go to uni to explain change.

How could that possibly be? And FWIW Mommy doesn't have any income because I was told by him that what I would earn now would just be a tax liability so just focus on my hobbies and volunteering and don't stress about trying to get back into the work force post-Pandemic. I haven't worked since 2020.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

I mean, it’s not a detail. It’s the entire story. He’s not going to understand otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son doesn’t deserve 2 lying parents do not do the bull shit answer… we couldn’t stay married.

1. You say dad is moving out, I don’t completely understand it right now. People go through things and your dad is going through something right now neither of us is going to understand.

2. I am keeping the house and you will always have a home at least until you have your own home. (My kids really needed to hear we were not selling the house)

3. We have enough money for college that is not a worry for us so it should not be a worry for you.

4. I am fine, I’m strong, intelligent, and independent. I have very close friends to be my support system.

5. You will need friends to support you don’t try to keep this a secret, you should talk to <fill in blank of best friend>. There is nothing shameful about your family going through a rough time don’t keep
This a secret.

6. Find a family therapist for him to talk to. Are you in MD? I could recommend someone.

He’s gonna be very upset so plan to do something after… go for a hike, a museum m, shopping, go for dinner/ice cream, movie.

Here is the thing… treat your H like he is having a mental health crisis because most likely he is. Seriously who leaves mid semester instead of at least waiting until exams are over, he’s a d!ck plain and simple.

Only 5% of affairs become relationships. I’d wait until the summer to say dad is living with someone if it ends up he is, because most likely that will blow up in his face.

I'd only change #1 to include your Dad is having an affair and decided to move out.

From the perspective of a 20-year-old how important do you think this detail is? I am not shy about telling my sister/closest friends but do you think a 20-year-old can process this on top of everything else? Or should it be included because it factors so heavily into why Daddy is leaving...

Absolutely yes. They may have to face whispers and gossip on social media and need to prepare themselves.

Who is going to gossip or whisper on social media? DH doesn't use it. And also DH really doesn't have any friends of his own anymore. and he is estranged from his family. Regardless reading through some thoughtful responses it seems like I will need to be the one to present the facts to our kid.