Dating outside your “career level”

[Anonymous]

Get a prenup

Anonymous wrote:No, he’s an idiot. I’m not big on traditionally gendered division of labor, but if he wants a family, one partner should be less career-invested. I don’t have high hopes for your friend though. Guys who are very picky like that generally don’t figure it out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where does everyone stand on this? I have a very good friend who was fast tracked in his career and he met a girl who is still very junior. Let’s say same age, one’s a senior director and one’s a senior analyst. Both mid 30s, large fortune 100 companies.

I’ve never seen this guy so stoked over a girl, he barely dates and it’s usually a train wreck. His only holdup is that she’s just…not there with career which is a huge part of him. I told him he’s an idiot if that’s stopping him and not everyone cares about their career like he does, but I can’t force him to change his stance.

Is this weird or am I off base?

What a neutered dork. He cares about her "career"?

[Anonymous]

I've recently accepted a high paying job, and DH has decided to step back professionally. He says he is excited to be a "kept man". The reality is, however, that he is the one who made our current lifestyle possible: nice home, vacation home, paid help, private school, nanny, etc. He has out-earned me by 2-3x, while I chose jobs that were more flexible and even worked PT for a while.

Since this is anonymous, I'll argue that deep down this is what many men prefer. DH can still have the satisfaction that he provided for his family and gave them a nice lifestyle, and now he can step back and have someone else maintain things. Of course, our situation is like winning the lottery. It's purely because I stumbled into skills that happen to be in demand, so I could keep myself relevant while choosing "mommy-track" hours/responsibilities.

So, I don't know about "career level". I love DH, and we are lucky things worked out. But my observation of many men (including my husband) is that they are fairly delusional about how women's careers actually progress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing high powered men actually want a high powered woman.

Hard truth ..Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does everyone stand on this? I have a very good friend who was fast tracked in his career and he met a girl who is still very junior. Let’s say same age, one’s a senior director and one’s a senior analyst. Both mid 30s, large fortune 100 companies.

I’ve never seen this guy so stoked over a girl, he barely dates and it’s usually a train wreck. His only holdup is that she’s just…not there with career which is a huge part of him. I told him he’s an idiot if that’s stopping him and not everyone cares about their career like he does, but I can’t force him to change his stance.

Is this weird or am I off base?

What a neutered dork. He cares about her "career"?

There’s nothing wrong with a man caring about a woman’s career. In fact I think it’s a step in the right direction. Too many guys with high powered careers marry their secretaries and then complain about how stupid and useless they are.

[Anonymous]

Who cares. This is absurb to be worked up about.

[Anonymous]

It’s normally for men to date women who are not as advanced in their careers or have much less impressive careers. For example I know a medical doctor who just got engaged to a waitress he met 6 months ago and an MIT educated engineer who is married to a yoga instructor. Men can date down because they are usually marrying for looks and personality. It’s women who normally date up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s normally for men to date women who are not as advanced in their careers or have much less impressive careers. For example I know a medical doctor who just got engaged to a waitress he met 6 months ago and an MIT educated engineer who is married to a yoga instructor. Men can date down because they are usually marrying for looks and personality. It’s women who normally date up.

Those relationships don’t tend to last. I know a lot of men want a much younger waitress or yoga instructor but the fact is that successful marriages are usually between people close in age, from similar backgrounds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does everyone stand on this? I have a very good friend who was fast tracked in his career and he met a girl who is still very junior. Let’s say same age, one’s a senior director and one’s a senior analyst. Both mid 30s, large fortune 100 companies.

I’ve never seen this guy so stoked over a girl, he barely dates and it’s usually a train wreck. His only holdup is that she’s just…not there with career which is a huge part of him. I told him he’s an idiot if that’s stopping him and not everyone cares about their career like he does, but I can’t force him to change his stance.

Is this weird or am I off base?

What a neutered dork. He cares about her "career"?

There’s nothing wrong with a man caring about a woman’s career. In fact I think it’s a step in the right direction. Too many guys with high powered careers marry their secretaries and then complain about how stupid and useless they are.

Since not many men actually have secretaries anymore, I think you’re making this up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where does everyone stand on this? I have a very good friend who was fast tracked in his career and he met a girl who is still very junior. Let’s say same age, one’s a senior director and one’s a senior analyst. Both mid 30s, large fortune 100 companies.

I’ve never seen this guy so stoked over a girl, he barely dates and it’s usually a train wreck. His only holdup is that she’s just…not there with career which is a huge part of him. I told him he’s an idiot if that’s stopping him and not everyone cares about their career like he does, but I can’t force him to change his stance.

Is this weird or am I off base?

What a neutered dork. He cares about her "career"?

There’s nothing wrong with a man caring about a woman’s career. In fact I think it’s a step in the right direction. Too many guys with high powered careers marry their secretaries and then complain about how stupid and useless they are.

Since not many men actually have secretaries anymore, I think you’re making this up.

What are you talking about? Of course they do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s normally for men to date women who are not as advanced in their careers or have much less impressive careers. For example I know a medical doctor who just got engaged to a waitress he met 6 months ago and an MIT educated engineer who is married to a yoga instructor. Men can date down because they are usually marrying for looks and personality. It’s women who normally date up.

Men can also date lower-earning, less-educated women because they are looking to exert control and dominance over their partners.

[Anonymous]

He’s probably just not into her or “meh” about her and this is the most palatable reason he can come up with for nosy relatives.

If he were crazy about her he wouldn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s normally for men to date women who are not as advanced in their careers or have much less impressive careers. For example I know a medical doctor who just got engaged to a waitress he met 6 months ago and an MIT educated engineer who is married to a yoga instructor. Men can date down because they are usually marrying for looks and personality. It’s women who normally date up.

A person's income/career choice is not always a direct correlation to the their intelligence or "social value".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s normally for men to date women who are not as advanced in their careers or have much less impressive careers. For example I know a medical doctor who just got engaged to a waitress he met 6 months ago and an MIT educated engineer who is married to a yoga instructor. Men can date down because they are usually marrying for looks and personality. It’s women who normally date up.

Men can also date lower-earning, less-educated women because they are looking to exert control and dominance over their partners.

Stereotype much?

[Anonymous]

I’m a woman and I’m with him. I don’t think the person has to be on the exact same level as you but it’s nice when they’re in that realm, as in if she was in a managerial role of some kind even if not a director.

Some people care and some people don’t but I don’t think it’s silly either way. People generally like people who are similar to them, ambition and all.