Dating outside your “career level”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want a woman that will look up to them, make them feel needed, respected, important, and authoritative. Sometimes they have to look pretty far down to find that. You shouldn’t judge… this is more about them than it is about you. Why do you care so much?

This reminds me of my DH's friend. A lawyer who went through a divorce from his *far more successful than he is* lawyer wife (they met in law school). The lawyer wife got beyond sick of his insecurity and failure and jealousy, and got a divorce. Anyone who has known him professionally is aware of his downward trajectory and he has settled into a gov position where he basically won't ever be fired. He had a new fiancé within a year of the divorce -- she is young, and not a lawyer. And very impressed that he is one. She thinks the shite job he has is important, because she doesn't know better. He had to "look pretty far down to find that" ... but find it he did.

Wow, listen to yourself. I’m a female lawyer, but I would never talk about another woman in such a disrespectful way. You’re a misogynist.

DP

...but you would be the first to name call.... hmmm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's nice he cares about finding a woman who is ambitious and career oriented.

At any rate, something in him is telling him he's not sure about this woman, and I don't see why you seem to think it is your place to tell him to ignore that instinct.

Butt out.

He's a guy. He can get married and have kids whenever. He may as well be picky.

Yep. This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

Forgot to mention. I'm at a Fortune 500 and our Special Advisors to management make about $1M/yr, senior management makes 600-25+M, depending on what you call senior management.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

At a certain point you can work less, but it usually takes years and years to get there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

At a certain point you can work less, but it usually takes years and years to get there.

I "worked hard" in years 7-12 of my career. The rest was 40 hours or less. My husband never worked over 40 hours, except on very rare occasions or during the infrequent travel he did. DH is a very specialized scientific technical worker, who owns his own consulting company and sets his own everything (schedule, workload, worktype, compensation, etc).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want a woman that will look up to them, make them feel needed, respected, important, and authoritative. Sometimes they have to look pretty far down to find that. You shouldn’t judge… this is more about them than it is about you. Why do you care so much?

This. Most ambitious men have extremely fragile egos and need a partner who can cater to that.

Fragile egos? Or maybe they're just honest with themselves and prioritize physical attraction before academic pedigree. But whatever ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want a woman that will look up to them, make them feel needed, respected, important, and authoritative. Sometimes they have to look pretty far down to find that. You shouldn’t judge… this is more about them than it is about you. Why do you care so much?

This. Most ambitious men have extremely fragile egos and need a partner who can cater to that.

Fragile egos? Or maybe they're just honest with themselves and prioritize physical attraction before academic pedigree. But whatever ...

DP. I half agree.

I'd actually change PP's statement to "most PEOPLE have fragile egos". I, too, am people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of men want a woman that will look up to them, make them feel needed, respected, important, and authoritative. Sometimes they have to look pretty far down to find that. You shouldn’t judge… this is more about them than it is about you. Why do you care so much?

This reminds me of my DH's friend. A lawyer who went through a divorce from his *far more successful than he is* lawyer wife (they met in law school). The lawyer wife got beyond sick of his insecurity and failure and jealousy, and got a divorce. Anyone who has known him professionally is aware of his downward trajectory and he has settled into a gov position where he basically won't ever be fired. He had a new fiancé within a year of the divorce -- she is young, and not a lawyer. And very impressed that he is one. She thinks the shite job he has is important, because she doesn't know better. He had to "look pretty far down to find that" ... but find it he did.

Wow, listen to yourself. I’m a female lawyer, but I would never talk about another woman in such a disrespectful way. You’re a misogynist.

DP

...but you would be the first to name call.... hmmm.

As the PP would say, it’s a fact.

[Anonymous]

I thought this wouldn’t matter to me but it does and I’m trying to figure out the best way for an exit strategy.

We aren’t married, just partners, no kids together (have our own from previous marriages respectively), no property/debts/co-mingling of finances together.

It’s terrible because there’s some good but the financial part and lack of ambition is a real turn off AND prevents us from doing most things I’d like to do together (travel is a big one). In the beginning I didn’t mind paying but I quickly started to resent that so now we just don’t do anything together outside of normal activities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

At a certain point you can work less, but it usually takes years and years to get there.

Which is why timing for when you have kids is really important.

[Anonymous]

Let him alone. If this a quality in a partner that he is looking for, no matter how short sighted it might seem to others (including me), then he should go with that without pressure from others.

[Anonymous]

It doesn't sound like the woman is unsuccessful, why are your standards so high? I have a customer service job and don't have any trouble finding men who are advanced in their career. It helps that I do have a bachelor's degree, so education wise I'm usually not too far behind them. I'm also young and very attractive.