Dating outside your “career level”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't sound like the woman is unsuccessful, why are your standards so high? I have a customer service job and don't have any trouble finding men who are advanced in their career. It helps that I do have a bachelor's degree, so education wise I'm usually not too far behind them. I'm also young and very attractive.

Edit to add- most guys are just happy that I work and make an honest living.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he's trying to filter out women who will want/expect to be SAHMs, which is his prerogative (just as it's the prerogative of a woman who wants to SAH to filter out those who can't or won't support that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he's trying to filter out women who will want/expect to be SAHMs, which is his prerogative (just as it's the prerogative of a woman who wants to SAH to filter out those who can't or won't support that).

+1

[Anonymous]

You’re weird for caring about this.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

Fair. But less common in this area/website.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's his choice. He can be a low attachment 2 career power couple with a nanny if they have kids, or I can go for a more traditional one career with mommy track.

Not all high powered careers require parents to detach from family. This us a myth, perpetuated by Hollywood. There are plenty of attached high powered parents. They just have to prioritize family. Perhaps your spouse doesn't enjoy your family that much and submerged in work as a form if avoidance.

Sorry, you can’t actually prioritize family working 65+ hrs/week. Only Biglaw dudes who show up for one little league game a week believe that is “prioritizing family.”

Not all high powered careers require 65+ hours. I earn top 1% and would be considered high powered to most and I work 40 hrs or less (sometimes). It's about efficiency and setting boundaries and priorities. Some people don't get that.

Name the field. The vast majority in this category are Biglaw, PE or IB drones and work constantly.

Management consulting, strategy and planning, accounting partners - these all earn 500k+, even more at Fortune 500s. Then you have real estate developers, small business owners etc, who also have high earning potential. Not everyone who is high powered opts to be a cog in the Big Law wheel.

Forgot to mention. I'm at a Fortune 500 and our Special Advisors to management make about $1M/yr, senior management makes 600-25+M, depending on what you call senior management.

And work 40 hrs/week? Sure …

[Anonymous]

D.C. is such a strange place when it comes to balancing work and relationships. Personally, I couldn’t care less what someone does for a career, as long as they’re passionate and engaged in something meaningful. What I find frustrating about D.C. isn’t the career-oriented nature of people—it’s the career obsession.

I can’t count how many times I’ve connected with someone online, only to be told they’re unavailable to meet for weeks because of so-called work obligations. It’s as if taking two hours for dinner once a week would derail their entire career. What’s even more baffling is that many women here seem to think it’s perfectly normal to meet only once a month, as if that level of effort is acceptable for building a connection.

There seems to be this unspoken belief that having a career and a dating life are mutually exclusive, and honestly, it’s frustrating. In a city full of ambitious people, you’d think there’d be more emphasis on finding balance. Instead, dating often feels like an afterthought, something squeezed into the calendar rather than genuinely prioritized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing high powered men actually want a high powered woman.

This. No man wants an equal. Too threatening.

Not all men are wusses. My husband and I are equals in everything. Works for us, and we have plenty of friends who are the same. Far fewer friends with a bigger divide.

[Anonymous]

I make 80k and am going on a date this weekend with a guy who makes ~$500k.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So is she not there *yet*, or is it more like she's never gonna get to a high place in her career, or she just doesn't want to? Because that changes the answer, especially if she's a little younger. 33 and 36 are both mid-30s but those are clutch years for getting to the next level professionally.

There are plenty of women who want to work a lot and make money in their 20s and early 30s so that they can downshift when they have kids but maintain a high standard of living. And that is a very sensible and realistic plan IMO.

Your friend should take a long look in the mirror and say aloud "You're no great prize either, you know." He should then very seriously consider what it's like to be married to a woman with a high-level career and whether he is truly up for it. And what kind of parenting and family setting he wants for his kids if he does want kids. If he's not truly willing to do 50% (and with an ambitious wife, 50% will be a lot), then he should count his blessings, marry this woman, and be content.

I wasn’t aware people used the term “clutch” unironically.

Stop trying to make clutch happen

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where does everyone stand on this? I have a very good friend who was fast tracked in his career and he met a girl who is still very junior. Let’s say same age, one’s a senior director and one’s a senior analyst. Both mid 30s, large fortune 100 companies.

I’ve never seen this guy so stoked over a girl, he barely dates and it’s usually a train wreck. His only holdup is that she’s just…not there with career which is a huge part of him. I told him he’s an idiot if that’s stopping him and not everyone cares about their career like he does, but I can’t force him to change his stance.

Is this weird or am I off base?

Everyone is different. Some men want a wife who works. Some want a wife who stays home. Neither is right or wrong, but a woman with a career she cares about shouldn't marry a man who wants her to stop working, or vice versa. You can disagree with your friend but that doesn't make you right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a hard time believing high powered men actually want a high powered woman.

Some men want to double their own salary and still have the wife manage everything in the household, keep herself in shape and well-groomed, and be sexually available. And there are women who will attempt that.

And some achieve that by outsourcing all the household chores, and expecting him to be an equal with kids and physical fitness. If my husband turned into one of the dough boys I work with, I'd definitely have an issue with that. I'm fit, attractive, successful, and I expect my equal to be the same - luckily he is!

My Doughboy colleagues have beautiful SAH wives or wives who have a subsidiary career so they take on 100% kid stuff. Most still outsource household chores.

Agreed. For me. But your colleagues may be happy with their setups. To each their own.

[Anonymous]

Knew a lawyer who dated plumbers, firemen, carpenters.

Really into the working class men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make 80k and am going on a date this weekend with a guy who makes ~$500k.

Good euphemism.

[Anonymous]

Friend is a doctor and she’s famous in her field, husband works for a company that replaces boilers, he comes home covered in soot and grime. They’ve been married for 20 years and are still so in love it almost makes me sick. She easily earns $2m a year and he might earn 150 K tops!
As long as you’re not dependent for survival on your spouse I don’t think it matters one way or the other how much someone earns with respect to how happy they would be in a relationship.