How common is it to not shave legs/underarms...

[Anonymous]

Your daughter shouldn't have to shave her legs and armpits if she doesn't want to. Women do too much to themselves to appease men and standards set by men. Meanwhile men walk around looking like hairy wildebeests and have stomachs that make them look 37 months pregnant but will still throw on a pair of swim trunks and splash like a whale into the pool. I would leave her alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:....among teen girls today? Mine is 16 and just doesn't want or see the need to. I think this may partially contribute to not wanting to wear skirts or dresses anymore, too? If that's just because she doesn't like dresses and skirts, or even shorts, anymore, fine; but if it's because of embarrassment about hairy legs, I'd like to know why/how to help address it.

If she were embarrassed wouldn’t she shave or whatever? My oldest and only girl just graduated from college. She very rarely shaves legs or underarms and was never into it. She’s very into fashion and sometimes wears elaborate makeup. Like me, she is fair and doesn’t have much hair, but she has said she wouldn’t change habits if she did. The only times she shaves or uses nair are if she’s going somewhere that she feels it would be upsetting to someone important to her. So for example, she will shave legs for a wedding, or if she’s doing something fancier with one set of grandparents. She generally DGAF what anyone thinks and does as she pleases.

I don’t think it’s about caring what other people think. I think it’s about basic grooming. I think it’s unattractive so I shave. I’m fair with no real hair on my legs but I shave under arms and it’s easy. You can dress fashionably with the best makeup but if you have hair coming out from under your arms it immediately downgrades the look. Same with grown men in tank tops. Nobody wants to see their underarms at a nice restaurant when you’re eating.

DP. I think what you say is reasonable, but I don't think this is about "basic grooming" but about what you find attractive, and what you find attractive is somewhat determined by when you grew up and what you saw around you. I also find it unattractive to have underarm hair so I shave. But norms change and the kids today see different standards. Heck, women used to find bare, unstockinged legs gross and inappropriate in the 1950s. Standards change.

So when these 15-year olds get office jobs will they care about hairy legs? How would the boardroom look like in 10-15 years?

Who knows. But surely standards will change and some will clutch pearls, because both change and pearl clutching has been going on since the dawn of time!

Pants are an option for women....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter shouldn't have to shave her legs and armpits if she doesn't want to. Women do too much to themselves to appease men and standards set by men. Meanwhile men walk around looking like hairy wildebeests and have stomachs that make them look 37 months pregnant but will still throw on a pair of swim trunks and splash like a whale into the pool. I would leave her alone.

Thank you. I'm not nagging her about it. On the rare occasion there's a dressier event, I do firmly suggest she should dress up a bit (which for her is a dress because she has nothing between sweats or jeans and dresses). I might ask if she's going to shave her legs but leave her alone to roll her eyes and ignore me. I'm proud of her for being so confident and comfortable with who she is and how she looks. She doesn't wear makeup, either.

As her parent, I'm just wondering and hoping her peers aren't judging or commenting negatively behind her back or anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It common. Shave when you feel like it, or not. It's not a "must-do" part of a shower routine like in the old days

Speak for yourself. It’s a choice but I don’t see too many teens in tank tops with hairy armpits. My niece identifies as non-binary and she doesn’t shave but I don’t think it’s common. It’s so simple to shave underarms in the shower. Legs can be annoying.

Are you bad at math and statistics? Teens who choose to wear tanks are also the ones who choose to shave. Often teens who do not shave do not wear tanks. Though some do. I'm going to take a shave break and let my pits free as an act of resistance.

Why wouldn’t teens who don’t shave not wear tanks?

Because they don't shave but are still self-conscious about it? And by not wearing tanks, they can still avoid the need to shave, something they just don't want to do for some reason.

[Anonymous]

When I was in junior high I loved Patti Smith's album cover on "Easter." I thought she and it were beautiful.

[Anonymous]

OP, you might have to just accept something I love, which is that your DD just doesn't care what other people think. The idea of shaving everything, wearing nylons and slips, etc. is very dated. I'm very happy that girls today don't feel bound by these societal expectations. All of these things were promoted by men to make women more attractive to men. It's dumb and has no bearing on anything. Who cares if her legs aren't shaved? Whatever you've done raising her has made her independent and confident. Congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It common. Shave when you feel like it, or not. It's not a "must-do" part of a shower routine like in the old days

Speak for yourself. It’s a choice but I don’t see too many teens in tank tops with hairy armpits. My niece identifies as non-binary and she doesn’t shave but I don’t think it’s common. It’s so simple to shave underarms in the shower. Legs can be annoying.

Are you bad at math and statistics? Teens who choose to wear tanks are also the ones who choose to shave. Often teens who do not shave do not wear tanks. Though some do. I'm going to take a shave break and let my pits free as an act of resistance.

Why wouldn’t teens who don’t shave not wear tanks?

Because they don't shave but are still self-conscious about it? And by not wearing tanks, they can still avoid the need to shave, something they just don't want to do for some reason.

That doesn’t make sense. If someone is self conscious about not shaving, those are the people who shave underarms. It takes 20 seconds to swipe a razor under your armpits. I doubt people who don’t shave are self conscious about it. Why would they try to hide it? It’s not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 15yr old is blonde and only shaved her armpits and bikini area. Never the legs. She said today on the beach “you can really see my leg hair now that I am so tan” and then shrugged and went back to reading her book. She’s had a boyfriend for 7 months and it pretty girly girl.

It just doesn’t seem to be a thing she cares about and I love it

Curious - if she doesn't care about the leg hair, why does she care so much about the bikini line? That's the worst place to shave.

Because pubic hair isn't light blond and is longer and bushier and can come out of the sides of a bathing suit. This is common sense. And my girls use Magic Razorless Shaving cream and a lot of girls use an electric razor for that area too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The board room is already mostly a thing of the past. My youngest DD shaves, my oldest college-aged DD can't be bothered, although I told her I thought she should shave for her summer job outdoors in customer service (her hair is very dark), so she shaves once a week. I know I probably shouldn't have told her my thoughts, but lots of the general public, and possibly even her supervisors, could look at hairy legs on a girl as not a clean look (same thing as beards on the boys, which she told me they did have some guidelines for beards for the boys). Of course, it's her choice, but I do think as her mom I should prepare her for what people might think, and what type of dress or grooming might be appropriate for different settings. She's a pretty naive young adult who thinks most people are as progressive as her friends are, and that anyone who's not is in the minority or is "wrong". As she transitions into the adult world and leaves her bubble, I am nervous she is in for a rude awakening.

Ick - you were wrong

If no one in middle school or high school are nothing her, do you think adults are going to frown on it. Like WTF cares.

[Anonymous]

My 16 year old and all her friends shave. Not sure where all these hairy girls are…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, you might have to just accept something I love, which is that your DD just doesn't care what other people think. The idea of shaving everything, wearing nylons and slips, etc. is very dated. I'm very happy that girls today don't feel bound by these societal expectations. All of these things were promoted by men to make women more attractive to men. It's dumb and has no bearing on anything. Who cares if her legs aren't shaved? Whatever you've done raising her has made her independent and confident. Congrats.

Thank you. I agree. Though it really wasn't my doing - she has been independent and self-assured, intentionally charting her own distinct path without regard to what others think since the day she was born.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The board room is already mostly a thing of the past. My youngest DD shaves, my oldest college-aged DD can't be bothered, although I told her I thought she should shave for her summer job outdoors in customer service (her hair is very dark), so she shaves once a week. I know I probably shouldn't have told her my thoughts, but lots of the general public, and possibly even her supervisors, could look at hairy legs on a girl as not a clean look (same thing as beards on the boys, which she told me they did have some guidelines for beards for the boys). Of course, it's her choice, but I do think as her mom I should prepare her for what people might think, and what type of dress or grooming might be appropriate for different settings. She's a pretty naive young adult who thinks most people are as progressive as her friends are, and that anyone who's not is in the minority or is "wrong". As she transitions into the adult world and leaves her bubble, I am nervous she is in for a rude awakening.

Ick - you were wrong

If no one in middle school or high school are nothing her, do you think adults are going to frown on it. Like WTF cares.

I agree with the PPP. She was not wrong. It is not wrong to tell your kid how others might react and suggest they be prepared for that. That's parenting. I consider it GOOD parenting - guiding, preparing, but not demanding compliance with norms just for the sake of complying with norms. Allowing the child to make informed decisions and being prepared for potential consequences or reactions.
This isn't a matter of life and death. We're not talking about doing drugs or smoking or something.

[Anonymous]

Is back and neck hair a good look on guys or do esthetics say to shave it off/laser it?
Is back and neck hair ugly because it just isnt pleasing to our eyes or because of stereotypes we were brainwashed into?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My 16 year old and all her friends shave. Not sure where all these hairy girls are…

Where do you live?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The board room is already mostly a thing of the past. My youngest DD shaves, my oldest college-aged DD can't be bothered, although I told her I thought she should shave for her summer job outdoors in customer service (her hair is very dark), so she shaves once a week. I know I probably shouldn't have told her my thoughts, but lots of the general public, and possibly even her supervisors, could look at hairy legs on a girl as not a clean look (same thing as beards on the boys, which she told me they did have some guidelines for beards for the boys). Of course, it's her choice, but I do think as her mom I should prepare her for what people might think, and what type of dress or grooming might be appropriate for different settings. She's a pretty naive young adult who thinks most people are as progressive as her friends are, and that anyone who's not is in the minority or is "wrong". As she transitions into the adult world and leaves her bubble, I am nervous she is in for a rude awakening.

Ick - you were wrong

If no one in middle school or high school are nothing her, do you think adults are going to frown on it. Like WTF cares.

I agree with the PPP. She was not wrong. It is not wrong to tell your kid how others might react and suggest they be prepared for that. That's parenting. I consider it GOOD parenting - guiding, preparing, but not demanding compliance with norms just for the sake of complying with norms. Allowing the child to make informed decisions and being prepared for potential consequences or reactions.
This isn't a matter of life and death. We're not talking about doing drugs or smoking or something.

I agree with you. I am the poster who asked about the future board room. I am curious if the DDs of these prior posters were getting internships in Big Law or Big 4 if they would advise them not to shave. A 16-17 year old girl is 2-3 years away from her first exposure to an office job and I wonder how the “I don’t care attitude “ would serve them. In my experience from observing interns and college hires the “I don’t care what others think “ translates into poor work ethics. Teaching young adults some basic norms of socials behavior is important in my opinion- how to dress and groom appropriately for a professional environment, how to shake hands and look people in the eyes during conversations, how to properly use a fork and knife etc. but I may be old school based on the majority of opinions shared here