Told my friends I was pregnant yesterday

[Anonymous]

Don’t overthink it OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They may not have known whether it was planned/wanted, so did not want to assume.

Your affect must not have conveyed a clear emotion.

She did nothing wrong.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Its a considerate response to first ask you how you feel about it. Not everyone wants a geriatric pregnancy and even with a wanted one, mixed feelings are expected.

This can apply to younger women too, not just geriatric. The question is appropriate for all ages.

[Anonymous]

It's off to me because I got the impression Op and her husband announced it in a group like it was a planned thing. It seems everyone else understood OP's happiness so for the friend to ask how she felt about it seems odd and self-serving.


To me this is another case of social media justice warrior victimhood and virtue signaling gone wrong.

Since you say this is a good friend, I'd tell her how her comment made you feel. Give her a chance to explain herself. If she really was just trying to be considerate and made a faux pas she'll apologize for ruining your moment and you both will move on.

If she doubles down then you know she's not someone you need in this next stage of your life.


Either way congrats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's off to me because I got the impression Op and her husband announced it in a group like it was a planned thing. It seems everyone else understood OP's happiness so for the friend to ask how she felt about it seems odd and self-serving.


To me this is another case of social media justice warrior victimhood and virtue signaling gone wrong.

Since you say this is a good friend, I'd tell her how her comment made you feel. Give her a chance to explain herself. If she really was just trying to be considerate and made a faux pas she'll apologize for ruining your moment and you both will move on.

If she doubles down then you know she's not someone you need in this next stage of your life.


Either way congrats.

OP didn't say it was announced in group setting. Did I miss that somewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re past 40, there’s a good chance she thought you were child free by choice. So perhaps she thought this was an oops. I think it’s ok to respond “oh we’re thrilled and excited” and she’ll hopefully go from there.

That's funny. I would assume they struggled to have a child and they finally got lucky and I'd celebrate them so much more.

DP, I wouldn’t, but then again I don’t assume everyone wants children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I would judge this by how much you told the friend.

Did you tell them you were trying/ going through fertility treatments?

Did you tell them you were on birth control?

Was it a planned thing?

If the friend knew nothing about your status in regards to wanting kids, they were keeping the door open for you to express any feelings you had about it.

If the friend knew you wanted/were trying etc, then it was a little off, but she may still have been keeping the door open for you to air any complaints/physical issues you were having.

Parenting is a long road. Start giving people the benefit of the doubt now before the staying home vs daycare vs nanny and breast vs bottle questions start rolling in!

This. Especially the bolded. Don’t look for slights, OP, you’ll be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Totally inappropriate response. It’s passive aggressive. And to the PP who likened a pregnancy announcement to their divorce- yeah no. Not the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Totally inappropriate response. It’s passive aggressive. And to the PP who likened a pregnancy announcement to their divorce- yeah no. Not the same.

Passive aggressive doesn't mean what you think it means.

Sometimes pregnancy is a good thing, sometimes it's not - just like a divorce. Both are also life changing no matter how one feels.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

Not OP. Most of my friends had first kids at 40-44. I am 46. I was “young” at 35. Forty is really not old here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a considerate response to first ask you how you feel about it. Not everyone wants a geriatric pregnancy and even with a wanted one, mixed feelings are expected.

This can apply to younger women too, not just geriatric. The question is appropriate for all ages.

Truth. I hated how people assumed I was happy about it. You never know if people are happy about a pregnancy or not at any age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's off to me because I got the impression Op and her husband announced it in a group like it was a planned thing. It seems everyone else understood OP's happiness so for the friend to ask how she felt about it seems odd and self-serving.


To me this is another case of social media justice warrior victimhood and virtue signaling gone wrong.

Since you say this is a good friend, I'd tell her how her comment made you feel. Give her a chance to explain herself. If she really was just trying to be considerate and made a faux pas she'll apologize for ruining your moment and you both will move on.

If she doubles down then you know she's not someone you need in this next stage of your life.

Either way congrats.

Huh? You're just spouting nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child for DH and I were both 40 so long time coming.
Mostly well wishes and congratulations, happy for yous, let us know if we can help etc.

One friend said" How do you feel about that?"


Sm I wrong for thinking this response is way off?

Some people are so damaged and used to drama they think all pregnancies are a mistake by default. The correct response is “well we were trying, please clap”

[Anonymous]

what? that's actually an extremely kind response. she was giving you the opportunity to direct the emotion of the convo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

What the F are you smoking? Visit the fertility boards on this site. You must be living under a rock or are just…clueless to life outside your little orbit. Plenty of people marry later and still want to have children. Many people experience infertility and finally get pregnant at 40 after years trying to conceive. “No one you know?” You’re just trying to s**t on OP. Nice.

DP. Oh, look! Someone who thinks what she sees on DCUM is typical of how things are in the real world.

Per the CDC, births by age group in 2021 were:
The mean age of mothers at first birth was 27.3 years
The birth rate for women aged 20–24 was 61.5 births per 1,000 women
The birth rate for women aged 30–34 was 97.6 births per 1,000 women
The birth rate for women aged 40–44 was 12.0 births per 1,000 women

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr72/nvsr72-01.pdf

But this is DCUM. And OP is posting on DCUM. So your data is irrelevant.