Told my friends I was pregnant yesterday

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re past 40, there’s a good chance she thought you were child free by choice. So perhaps she thought this was an oops. I think it’s ok to respond “oh we’re thrilled and excited” and she’ll hopefully go from there.

That's funny. I would assume they struggled to have a child and they finally got lucky and I'd celebrate them so much more.

[Anonymous]

They may not have known whether it was planned/wanted, so did not want to assume.

Your affect must not have conveyed a clear emotion.

She did nothing wrong.

[Anonymous]

First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

What the F are you smoking? Visit the fertility boards on this site. You must be living under a rock or are just…clueless to life outside your little orbit. Plenty of people marry later and still want to have children. Many people experience infertility and finally get pregnant at 40 after years trying to conceive. “No one you know?” You’re just trying to s**t on OP. Nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

What the F are you smoking? Visit the fertility boards on this site. You must be living under a rock or are just…clueless to life outside your little orbit. Plenty of people marry later and still want to have children. Many people experience infertility and finally get pregnant at 40 after years trying to conceive. “No one you know?” You’re just trying to s**t on OP. Nice.

DP and I know lots of people who got pregnant after 40 but not with a first baby, it is unusual. On the other hand, I have lots of childfree by choice friends who would be devastated by a pregnancy. My best friends are CF by choice and both in their 40s, I would be ready to console them if this happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child for DH and I were both 40 so long time coming.
Mostly well wishes and congratulations, happy for yous, let us know if we can help etc.

One friend said" How do you feel about that?"


Sm I wrong for thinking this response is way off?

Did you say it with a smile? How close is this friend?

Pretty sure I was smiling and sounded happy. She's close enough that she's one of the first people that we told.

It just felt weird to me

I would have laughed and said "WTH, areyou pranking me right now?" What did she say when you told her you were bothered by her response?

[Anonymous]

OP I would judge this by how much you told the friend.

Did you tell them you were trying/ going through fertility treatments?

Did you tell them you were on birth control?

Was it a planned thing?

If the friend knew nothing about your status in regards to wanting kids, they were keeping the door open for you to express any feelings you had about it.

If the friend knew you wanted/were trying etc, then it was a little off, but she may still have been keeping the door open for you to air any complaints/physical issues you were having.

Parenting is a long road. Start giving people the benefit of the doubt now before the staying home vs daycare vs nanny and breast vs bottle questions start rolling in!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t think it’s unusual that a 40 year old would feel conflicted about a pregnancy. She was gauging your reaction so she could respond appropriately.

If I was conflicted about it why would I be telling her and other people about it?. If I was conflicted about it wouldn't I keep it to myself and not announce it?

So what, you were going to hide the fact that you were pregnant for all 40 weeks?

If you're not at all conflicted, than good for you. Many of us would be. Pregnant at 40 sounds like a nightmare to me.

No, PP. it means that if the pregnant person was considering abortion, they probably wouldn’t happily announce the pregnancy.

But I can see social skills are not your thing, either, so that might have gone over your head.

You realize you could be conflicted about being pregnant but still not consider terminating, right?

I got pregnant with spontaneous twins. It's not at all what we had been expecting, obviously, since it's not common. So of course we were conflicted about it. We never considered terminating, but it was a lot to think about. You see how a good friend could ask me how I felt about that without me getting all twisted about it?

But I see logic isn't your thing, either, so that must have gone over your head.

Not logic- just social skills. I never over-share personal information looking for attention or sympathy from anyone, especially regarding something as personal as the decision to terminate a pregnancy. But that’s just me, I suppose. And if it was, I wouldn’t frame it like OP did, which was obviously sharing happy news.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

You are showing a lot of ignorance about pregnancy factors. Maybe check it and go read some reputable free sources online instead of posting.

[Anonymous]

Is that the person who lasted week how to congratulate someone when you don't want to offer congratulations? LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

What the F are you smoking? Visit the fertility boards on this site. You must be living under a rock or are just…clueless to life outside your little orbit. Plenty of people marry later and still want to have children. Many people experience infertility and finally get pregnant at 40 after years trying to conceive. “No one you know?” You’re just trying to s**t on OP. Nice.

DP. Oh, look! Someone who thinks what she sees on DCUM is typical of how things are in the real world.

Per the CDC, births by age group in 2021 were:
The mean age of mothers at first birth was 27.3 years
The birth rate for women aged 20–24 was 61.5 births per 1,000 women
The birth rate for women aged 30–34 was 97.6 births per 1,000 women
The birth rate for women aged 40–44 was 12.0 births per 1,000 women

https://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/nvsr/nvsr72/nvsr72-01.pdf

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are so old that she wasn’t sure if you wanted a baby.

Yup. And just because someone doesn't want the baby doesn't automatically mean they won't have it.

+1. I got pregnant with my 3rd kid in 3 years at age 40 while I was still BFing my 2nd and hadn't even had a period. We didn't want 3 kids, we were planning to stop at 2. Yet, the CSV showed no abnormalities. If there had been or if I had not been in a stable, healthy relationship, I would have terminated. I wasn't happy about the pregnancy but knew by the time the baby came that I would love him as much as the others and he would be welcomed by all. Still, it took some time.

[Anonymous]

Did it feel like her asking meant she must not have been paying attention to your struggles all these years? If you've shared about that before, that could be hurtful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First child at 40?! Of course she probably thought you were child free then had an "accident" (for lack of a better term) and wanted to make sure you were happy before celebrating.

Why are you so sensitive?

Are you prepared to have your 1st at 40? To me as a stranger this sounds like it was an accident so I get your friends response. No on I know who got pregnant past 40 was trying for a child. It's unusual.

What the F are you smoking? Visit the fertility boards on this site. You must be living under a rock or are just…clueless to life outside your little orbit. Plenty of people marry later and still want to have children. Many people experience infertility and finally get pregnant at 40 after years trying to conceive. “No one you know?” You’re just trying to s**t on OP. Nice.

DP and I know lots of people who got pregnant after 40 but not with a first baby, it is unusual. On the other hand, I have lots of childfree by choice friends who would be devastated by a pregnancy. My best friends are CF by choice and both in their 40s, I would be ready to console them if this happened.

+10000
FIRST baby at 40 is VERY UNUSUAL!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not way off, it’s careful and thoughtful. You might be just excited, but you also might be scared, or sick, or having mixed feelings or anything else that is a totally normal response to a pregnancy. Your friend is making sure you know that she is a safe sounding board and ally for any of that. That’s good! This is a friend you should hold on to.

Agree! I once congratulated a friend and she immediately corrected me that it's not welcome news. I have since taken a similar approach of asking how they feel first. As this PP said, I want them to know I am there for them regardless.