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Women, how has having kids impacted your career?
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Anonymous
| If you’re on the fence and the impact on your career is a major factor, do not have kids. |
Anonymous
When I started my own firm, my DH was making $70K per year, and that was the income that we lived on. That might seem like "a lot" to some people but we definitely were not wealthy, nor did we have connections or family money. We did support each other, though. Some people choose bitterness over work. |
Anonymous
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For most of my female friends it impacted their careers unless they already had a flexible job where they were already coasting.
However, from a few that didn't seem to be negatively impacted - they were able to find a very good and dependable nanny who would work longish hours (i.e. Mom didn't have to rush home from work if they commute). However, this is somewhat luck as I've also had friends (who are not overly picky) have trouble finding a good nanny and having to go through several before they found a good one who stayed for a year or so before they had to go through that process all over again. So even if you have deep pockets and can hire support - hiring and managing that support also takes a toll. And, especially in this area, its difficult to find a consistent part-time nanny once kids are in school and you don't want someone full-time, and that still leaves you with having to find a way to cover kids unexpected sick days and other school events that happen before 5 pm. When kids get older, if they participate in any kinds of activities, it just gets more hectic. Yes, you can make the choice that kids are not going to take music lessons or play sports, but most people on this board want to have that for their kids. And, there also may be some unexpected after school things that I wouldn't say are optional - tutoring if your kid is falling behind in a class or if they have any kind of special need that requires some kind of regular therapy. So, unless you have a healthy local retired grandparent who wants to help with childcare or super deep pockets (can pay someone full-time money for part-time work or hire you own house manager to manage everything), and some luck in hiring, or have a SAHD or Dad who acts as the default parent and actually does manages everything, having a child will impact your career if you have a career that is not extremely flexible in terms of time management or you can already actually complete your work in half your work day without having to be on call for the rest of that time. |
Anonymous
+1 sadly. I killed my career. Never thought I would do it, but I mommy tracked myself. It was too stressful. I could not compartmentalize home life and work life like DH could. That said, both DH and I have elderly parents, and it's been so helpful to them to have their adult kids there for them. My MIL just passed away, and she had her kids around her. My parents are still alive but my mother has dementia, and my sister has been taking care of her (dad's useless at taking care of her). So, even though my career took a nosedive, I think I'll be very grateful for my kids when I am elderly. My youngest will be going off to college in 2 years, and then DH and I will retire and travel. I have a saying: "you pay for it now, or you pay for it later", and that applies to having kids. It's hard now with kids; it hard later without kids. I don't think most people ever regret not working more when they are on their deathbed; but many do regret not having spent time with family more. It sucks, OP. We can't have it all. 
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Anonymous
Besides that, not all careers translate into starting a business. |
Anonymous
Half of 400K is 200K. Did you mean that is lower pay, or low pay? Cuz 200K is not low pay. |
Anonymous
Yikes! I have definitely slowed down, but I still make $250k working 45 hours at age 37, so yeah not too bad. And I have a very competent DH who does bedtime solo every Thursday (and other days if I need) so I can hang out with friends or colleagues or just stay late at work to finish things up. |
Anonymous
I also like the forced work-life balance that come from having kids. I am able to turn off the work thoughts on weekends and I think that makes me a more three-dimensional, interesting person than some of my single childless co-workers who don’t have much going on other than work and spend way too much time thinking about work |
Anonymous
Depends on your grade and agency, but yes, one will usually make less than in the private sector. Which brings up a fair point. You have to first decide what you want out of your career, then look at the impacts. My goal isn't to make more and more money. My goal is to not worry about having enough money for the basic needs of my family and to send my 2 kids to college. I've achieved that goal, the rest is just adding additional quality of life and fun stuff. |
Anonymous
| It didn’t hurt my career just shifted my priority to have a more flexible path. I personally would never prioritize a career over having a family so that mindset is hard for me to understand. |
Anonymous
| It's funny that some people consider $190k "entry level wages" considering it is well above the median income in the DMV for a person with an advanced degree. |
Anonymous
Because that median income includes trust fund kids at think tanks and NGOs, retirees, and a bunch of 20 something’s filled with dreams of marrying a BigLaw partner but then return to Iowa small town. |
Anonymous
| I love my kids and I like what I do. I was 100% career obsessed until I had kids and it put everything in perspective for me. Also, having older family members who sacrificed time with their kids when they were young and then later saw their entire industry and careers fall apart also was an eye opener for me. Where do you want to be in your life at age 70? What regrets would you have? That should help you determine what is important to you. And it's not one or the other. You can have a great career and be a good parent - you just have to figure out "the how" -- either you have a solid partner who can help (in my case my husband has a flexible fed job and can help with drop off/pick up and is a dedicated father while I can lean more into my career or you hire a nanny or pay more in afterschool care) and what other conditions are beneficial? For example, my husband and I both work 100% from home and blocks away from school for easier commute, etc. But to answer your question - I probably would've gotten a masters or MBA if I wasn't having babies. I put that on hold and didn't want to take on more debt (still don't) and am still unsure if a masters/mba would help me move further in my career or not at this point with 15+ years of experience. |
Anonymous
Those people would need to be the majority in order to skew the median, and they are not. |
Anonymous
| It made me realize how empty and pointless most “careers” are. Very few people make a difference with their careers or even do anything of lasting value. Unless you are one of those lucky few it’s sad to give your life to being a cog. |