Dealing w/aftermath of unfaithful husband and family

[Anonymous]

I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

I'm with you, pp. I honestly believe I'd have to separate for fear I would become violent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

Have you ever actually been in this situation? with kids?? Everyone says this, but several, after processing, decide to stick it out..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

exactly! Set him free! Free to philander and be the victim of divorce! Set him freeeeeeee!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted choices you needed to have the self control to keep your mouth shut. Once you blab reconciliation and saving the marriage goes bye bye. Now it’s dead man walking.

Yep. No guy wants to end up like Bill Clinton. He looks like the life has been sucked out of him. They want to be like Trump .. divorced married to a better woman and the kids in good shape.

Losers. It's not the betrayed spouse's job to bury the cheater's deeds and lie and fake smile to everyone. If they didn't want people to know what they are: a liar and a cheater, well--then they shouldn't cheat. Cheaters really hate when people find out their true colors. It's like turning the lights on a cockroach---they scatter around and blame everyone else.

Clinton lost respect because he was caught in lie upon lie while continuing to disparage the women he cheated with. People lost respect at how dumb the whole thing was.

He looks that way because the entire fiasco completely tarnished his reputation and legacy.

Yep . Trump doesn’t BS. He trades in for better takes care of everybody and doesn’t try to pretend he’s something he’s not. He wins through proudly admitting what others are afraid to

He's a rapist. WTF are you trying to defend? I don't understand feeling the need to defend either creep. They're both Epstein buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

Often it is a financial decision. Would they stay if they had the resources to provide a similar lifestyle? For many the answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Staying is doing no favors to the kids. If you wait until 18 or college they will absolutely feel betrayed. Rip the bandaid off and find someone that you love.

[Anonymous]

My family member went through a very ugly divorce with very young kids. As long as you prioritize their well-being and don't allow them to see you personal issues w/ each other, they won't be as emotionally-damaged as if you wait until they're older and understand sex/relationships/betrayal and can see the hate you have for one another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family member went through a very ugly divorce with very young kids. As long as you prioritize their well-being and don't allow them to see you personal issues w/ each other, they won't be as emotionally-damaged as if you wait until they're older and understand sex/relationships/betrayal and can see the hate you have for one another.

But some women come out of the divorce far better and have zero regrets. I don't think it's possible to anticipate how it's going to be.

I've never been in this situation, but there was a time when I considered divorce. It's interesting because I think the outcome of a divorce would have been much better earlier in my marriage. The kids wouldn't have been as negatively impacted by it (they are adolescents now and it would destroy them), I could have gotten back into my career more easily because my mommy gap would have been shorter and I wouldn't have had to deal with age discrimination, and I was less emotionally mature so staying married would have been more emotionally taxing than getting a divorce. So it's possible that divorce seven years ago would have been the right move, and divorce now would be the wrong move. The cost-benefit analysis of divorce isn't static.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My family member went through a very ugly divorce with very young kids. As long as you prioritize their well-being and don't allow them to see you personal issues w/ each other, they won't be as emotionally-damaged as if you wait until they're older and understand sex/relationships/betrayal and can see the hate you have for one another.

No. I divorced with kids very young (18 mo. and 5 y) due to my serially cheating husband. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. The alternative of staying together was way worse. But, let's not kid ourselves - the kids were damaged by his behavior after divorce which was a reflection of his character as a cheater - lies, lack of empathy, inability to put them first before his own needs, etc.

I certainly prioritized their well-being and made nice with him, trying to support his relationship with them, but even that was damaging, because we were all pretending his continued abusive ways should be accepted in order to have the appearance of a good dad.

Now tat the kids are over 18, none of have to pretend anymore. There is no schedule of forced visits. We are polite to him. The kids are able to see him when they want but also to say no to his antics.

[Anonymous]

I could probably work through betrayal and maybe stay married if he was genuine in his remorse and we worked through it together. I could not doing it knowing that everyone around me knew about it. It's impossible for people who love you to know about it and not dislike him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

"People make mistakes"
By breaking their marriage vows? By exposing their spouse to diseases?
Wow, do you have any standards?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may be in the vast minority here - but I can never understand how one can remain married to a person who has hurt them in the most cruel way that a human being CAN hurt another.

What is wrong w/me……..?!

I just could not handle all the resentment from being lied to, the feelings of betrayal as well the broken down trust. 💔

Often it is a financial decision. Would they stay if they had the resources to provide a similar lifestyle? For many the answer is no.

Yes, OP states she gave up her career, cant live off alimony and apparently wont get a job. Easier to stay than to be independent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

Are you the murder poster from a few pages back?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

"People make mistakes"
By breaking their marriage vows? By exposing their spouse to diseases?
Wow, do you have any standards?

+ 1 Yeah. A mistake is a singular thing to me. A mistake is not carrying something out over a period of time---is each and every choice to do it again/meet up with the AP--another mistake??? Each time involves a decision.

Mistakes are like: I bought skim milk instead of whole milk is a mistake. I put diesel gas into a non-diesel car tank. I burned the pot roast. I should not have driven home.

When you do it over and over again--it's a choice, not a mistake.