Dealing w/aftermath of unfaithful husband and family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted choices you needed to have the self control to keep your mouth shut. Once you blab reconciliation and saving the marriage goes bye bye. Now it’s dead man walking.

Yep. No guy wants to end up like Bill Clinton. He looks like the life has been sucked out of him. They want to be like Trump .. divorced married to a better woman and the kids in good shape.

Losers. It's not the betrayed spouse's job to bury the cheater's deeds and lie and fake smile to everyone. If they didn't want people to know what they are: a liar and a cheater, well--then they shouldn't cheat. Cheaters really hate when people find out their true colors. It's like turning the lights on a cockroach---they scatter around and blame everyone else.

The women that stay with them are also losers. Everyone looks at them with pity when they walk into the room. They are also showing their true colors.

It's hard to put the toothpaste back in - for either side.

Yeah Beyoncé is such a loser.

[Anonymous]

Hi op. How long has it been? Time heals a lot. A friend shared with us about her husband’s infidelity and it was hard for awhile, and rocked some friendships but time has really helped thing get more back to normal. They have healed as a couple, and the friendships healed too. It took some years though.

[Anonymous]

Also please ignore the people commenting on you leaving who don’t know your situation. Watching my friend go through this I learned a lot and I empathize so much. It’s not as easy as these posters make it out to be and sometimes staying is the right decision. So far it has been for my friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted choices you needed to have the self control to keep your mouth shut. Once you blab reconciliation and saving the marriage goes bye bye. Now it’s dead man walking.

Yep. No guy wants to end up like Bill Clinton. He looks like the life has been sucked out of him. They want to be like Trump .. divorced married to a better woman and the kids in good shape.

Losers. It's not the betrayed spouse's job to bury the cheater's deeds and lie and fake smile to everyone. If they didn't want people to know what they are: a liar and a cheater, well--then they shouldn't cheat. Cheaters really hate when people find out their true colors. It's like turning the lights on a cockroach---they scatter around and blame everyone else.

The women that stay with them are also losers. Everyone looks at them with pity when they walk into the room. They are also showing their true colors.

It's hard to put the toothpaste back in - for either side.

Oh come on- most people don’t disclose infidelity in a marriage. Some of the happiest couples you see out there, if they have been married a very long time have been through it at some point. You’d really be shocked. And another half doesn’t even know it did occur in their marriage.

I'm not disagreeing. But thats not what were talking about. If your sister left for 3 mons and told you her husband was cheating on her and you supported her for months and she ends up going back to him for no real reason? Your opinion changes. It's not a conscious thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted choices you needed to have the self control to keep your mouth shut. Once you blab reconciliation and saving the marriage goes bye bye. Now it’s dead man walking.

Yep. No guy wants to end up like Bill Clinton. He looks like the life has been sucked out of him. They want to be like Trump .. divorced married to a better woman and the kids in good shape.

Losers. It's not the betrayed spouse's job to bury the cheater's deeds and lie and fake smile to everyone. If they didn't want people to know what they are: a liar and a cheater, well--then they shouldn't cheat. Cheaters really hate when people find out their true colors. It's like turning the lights on a cockroach---they scatter around and blame everyone else.

The women that stay with them are also losers. Everyone looks at them with pity when they walk into the room. They are also showing their true colors.

It's hard to put the toothpaste back in - for either side.

Yeah Beyoncé is such a loser.

She would absolutely be better off without him. Do you think her mom likes him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not stay for the kids. It’ll be easier on them the younger they are.

Stop judging her decision. It doesn’t matter what you would do, not your marriage / home / kids / finances / future.

I know a woman who is staying for the kids. It is 5 years later and she is miserable. Anxiety, anger, health issues are part of her daily life. He has moved on. He doesn't love her anymore. When I ask her why doesn't she let him go, she says it's for the kids. I'm pretty sure her anger, etc is hurting the kids way more than a divorce would.

Why doesn’t he file and divorce her then? He wants the free childcare and house mgmt?

[Anonymous]

OP- might have missed this but how was the relationship before it happened

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not stay for the kids. It’ll be easier on them the younger they are.

Stop judging her decision. It doesn’t matter what you would do, not your marriage / home / kids / finances / future.

I know a woman who is staying for the kids. It is 5 years later and she is miserable. Anxiety, anger, health issues are part of her daily life. He has moved on. He doesn't love her anymore. When I ask her why doesn't she let him go, she says it's for the kids. I'm pretty sure her anger, etc is hurting the kids way more than a divorce would.

Why doesn’t he file and divorce her then? He wants the free childcare and house mgmt?

She's the higher earner. He wants the lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What kind of example are you setting for your children?

If you have boys you are teaching them its ok to treat women and wives like this.

If you have girls you are teaching them that this behavior is ok and it's fine if your husband doesnt respect them.

And all because you don't want to get a job? What a joke. Terrible parenting 101.

I always wonder who people like PP are in real life. She's just showing them that life has ups and downs, and people make mistakes, and we make the best of the situation, or try to. Not all decisions we make end up being the best ones, but we make them nevertheless. Why are you so judgey?

Scorned Ow, bitter divorcees.

[Anonymous]

If they are being civil and as you say "trying" then there's nothing more that you can expect of them. I wouldn't be able to fake enthusiasm for an IL in this situation either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you wanted choices you needed to have the self control to keep your mouth shut. Once you blab reconciliation and saving the marriage goes bye bye. Now it’s dead man walking.

Yep. No guy wants to end up like Bill Clinton. He looks like the life has been sucked out of him. They want to be like Trump .. divorced married to a better woman and the kids in good shape.

Losers. It's not the betrayed spouse's job to bury the cheater's deeds and lie and fake smile to everyone. If they didn't want people to know what they are: a liar and a cheater, well--then they shouldn't cheat. Cheaters really hate when people find out their true colors. It's like turning the lights on a cockroach---they scatter around and blame everyone else.

The women that stay with them are also losers. Everyone looks at them with pity when they walk into the room. They are also showing their true colors.

It's hard to put the toothpaste back in - for either side.

Yeah Beyoncé is such a loser.

She would absolutely be better off without him. Do you think her mom likes him?

+1 and most cheating DHs are not billionaires like Jay Z

I rolled my eyes at all of Lemonade. There's nothing strong about not leaving a cheater.

[Anonymous]

I’m the family in this situation too. BIL got caught cheating on my sister, “found Jesus”, moved her and their kids far away from family and friends, and then did it again. We all forgave him the first time because she wanted to work through it, but she didn’t leave him the 2nd time either, and I’ll never trust him again. It’s been 7 years and I’ll be cordial, but thank goodness I don’t have to see him often. My parents on the other hand are totally snowed b/c he pretends to be religious, and you could rob them blind while pretending to be a Christian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has been unfaithful. I went to my family for support (didn't share details, but they got the gist). They have all been supportive of my decision to stay until the kids are older. However, it's obvious they don't care for him. I know they are all trying to act normal around him, but the relationship will never be the same. I'm starting to wish I never shared anything with them, but needed their support at the time..feeling stuck.

Maybe it’s okay that your family is upset over his betrayal?