XH leaving kids alone at night regularly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

OP here. Clearly you haven’t been divorced bc if you have been you’d know that there are no good options, and you have to pick the best of the worst. Enjoy
Your life which clearly does not have these problems!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

OP here. Clearly you haven’t been divorced bc if you have been you’d know that there are no good options, and you have to pick the best of the worst. Enjoy
Your life which clearly does not have these problems!

I’m sorry, I’m not actually trying to be flippant, but if he’s not abusing them then it is what it is. You’re divorced and he’s just as much their parent as you are - you don’t get to be his boss about HOW he parents, even if you don’t like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

OP here. Clearly you haven’t been divorced bc if you have been you’d know that there are no good options, and you have to pick the best of the worst. Enjoy
Your life which clearly does not have these problems!

I’m sorry, I’m not actually trying to be flippant, but if he’s not abusing them then it is what it is. You’re divorced and he’s just as much their parent as you are - you don’t get to be his boss about HOW he parents, even if you don’t like it.

You know that if there is a BUT after a SORRY, the BUT negates the SORRY, right? If you didn’t, now you know and you can stop being snarky with your sorrynotsorrys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

OP here. Clearly you haven’t been divorced bc if you have been you’d know that there are no good options, and you have to pick the best of the worst. Enjoy
Your life which clearly does not have these problems!

I’m sorry, I’m not actually trying to be flippant, but if he’s not abusing them then it is what it is. You’re divorced and he’s just as much their parent as you are - you don’t get to be his boss about HOW he parents, even if you don’t like it.

You know that if there is a BUT after a SORRY, the BUT negates the SORRY, right? If you didn’t, now you know and you can stop being snarky with your sorrynotsorrys.

Be mad all you want, but it doesn’t change the reality of the situation. OP doesn’t get to decide how the other parent parents. He’s not abusing the kids, he’s merely doing something she doesn’t like and wouldn’t choose to do herself. But it’s not her call on the days they’re his responsibility. That’s one of the unfortunate consequences of getting a divorce when there are kids involved.

[Anonymous]

Offer to swap days for days when he isn’t busy. The numerical division stays the same, but OP now has M,T instead of W,Th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to swap days for days when he isn’t busy. The numerical division stays the same, but OP now has M,T instead of W,Th.

Sorry, you’re week on/week off.

Go to a 2-2-5 schedule, around his class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

OP here. Clearly you haven’t been divorced bc if you have been you’d know that there are no good options, and you have to pick the best of the worst. Enjoy
Your life which clearly does not have these problems!

New poster here and I am divorced with 2 kids. This is not a change in circumstances. This is the culture of dads house. You DO NOT have to like it. I’m not saying it doesn’t suck. But legally it’s not anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Offer to swap days for days when he isn’t busy. The numerical division stays the same, but OP now has M,T instead of W,Th.

NP I doubt he will agree. This schedule is better for him because it's less time he has to take care of the kids but he doesn't have to move OP kore custody and pay child support. He's not going to want to have the kids on his free nights, eating into his personal time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer to swap days for days when he isn’t busy. The numerical division stays the same, but OP now has M,T instead of W,Th.

Sorry, you’re week on/week off.

Go to a 2-2-5 schedule, around his class.

OP here. He wanted a 2-2-5 but the kids don’t bc it’s too much back and forth. Frankly I don’t want it either , the transitions weren’t easy when we were doing 2-2-3 when they were younger. I don’t see why the kids have to
Go back and forth more then they already do bc of their dad’s new hobby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

[Anonymous]

OP, what is this "hobby?"

How far are you from DH? If the kids called in an emergency could you be there quickly or do they know a neighbor?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Offer to swap days for days when he isn’t busy. The numerical division stays the same, but OP now has M,T instead of W,Th.

Sorry, you’re week on/week off.

Go to a 2-2-5 schedule, around his class.

OP here. He wanted a 2-2-5 but the kids don’t bc it’s too much back and forth. Frankly I don’t want it either , the transitions weren’t easy when we were doing 2-2-3 when they were younger. I don’t see why the kids have to
Go back and forth more then they already do bc of their dad’s new hobby.

This situation stinks, but you have options. You need to decide which is better for the kids: being with a parent in the evening on hobby nights or staying in one house for a week straight, albeit alone some nights. I would do the schedule he wants to ensure my kids are not alone. I would use the inconvenience of the back and forth as a teaching moment about the importance of security over comfort.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a crappy parent but realistically what can you do about it? Maybe take on those two nights unofficially without increasing his child support payment? Agree with other posters that formally negotiating the custody agreement will take time and money, and by that time your oldest will be close to 13 at which point no holds barred in terms of leaving them alone (except overnights)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

Yep, THIS. I am divorced, my ex is negligent. Ex has done this before with even younger kids. This situation is straight crappy and negligent parenting. Either do your damn hobby to your heart's delight when your kids are not with you, or get a damn babysitter.