XH leaving kids alone at night regularly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

As more than one person has pointed out in this thread, when we were kids many of us WERE the paid babysitter at 11 years old.

I suspect most of you are objecting to the idea of it being a hobby. If he was to go into the office for a few extra hours a couple of nights a week you’d be fine with it and still consider him a good parent (regardless of whether or not he actually needs that extra income).

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't like it myself. As the parent of two children, one would have been fine at the age, one not. Either they haven't told him it bothers them because they aren't secure enough to communicate directly with him or he hasn't figured it out. Either case mean he's not the best at parenting. As PP suggested, get them cell phones so they can call you if they feel anxious, and just be there and present when it's your time with them. In the meantime, vent away. At least some of us get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

Yep, THIS. I am divorced, my ex is negligent. Ex has done this before with even younger kids. This situation is straight crappy and negligent parenting. Either do your damn hobby to your heart's delight when your kids are not with you, or get a damn babysitter.

I don't think you know what negligent means.

In this situation, one parent has a commitment from 6-9pm or whatever, and the two older elementary children are staying in his home during that time. They are old enough that there are no rules on what, specifically, "appropriate supervision" looks like, but what I can tell you is that in DC, this would not meet the standard for neglect. DC does not have a specific age like MD in which kids are suddenly considered old enough, but within CFSA, when I worked there, the standard was basically "older elementary with a communication device and plan" plus "not left alone overnight" which this situation meets. They are not being neglected. He has a meeting twice a week and they are old enough that they don't need a babysitter for a few hours. You just don't approve of him leaving the children any time for something non-essential, which is certainly a perspective you're allowed to have. Just recognize that this is not "negligent" parenting because you don't approve.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

As more than one person has pointed out in this thread, when we were kids many of us WERE the paid babysitter at 11 years old.

I suspect most of you are objecting to the idea of it being a hobby. If he was to go into the office for a few extra hours a couple of nights a week you’d be fine with it and still consider him a good parent (regardless of whether or not he actually needs that extra income).

That is Boomer parenting. Mine didn't bother with seat belts either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

This is determined by state law. In my state there is no age.

Next question is what age is an older child allowed to mind a younger child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check your local laws, but you can always call for a welfare check with the police who can inform him of the laws. You don't want to file a custody motion and then call CPS. They'll investigate you too, so decide what path you are taking (personally I'd call CPS or the police first because it won't cost me 30K)

Do not do this unless you want someone dead.

https://abcnews.go.com/US/nebraska-teen-shot-officer-welfare-check/story?id=107029085

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

As more than one person has pointed out in this thread, when we were kids many of us WERE the paid babysitter at 11 years old.

I suspect most of you are objecting to the idea of it being a hobby. If he was to go into the office for a few extra hours a couple of nights a week you’d be fine with it and still consider him a good parent (regardless of whether or not he actually needs that extra income).

That is Boomer parenting. Mine didn't bother with seat belts either.

And bike helmets.

Also, high schools had designated smoking areas.

People like to harken back to boomer times and then subsequent boomer parenting when lots of real dumb things were going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

In Maryland the rule is 8 to be left home alone. And it's not like he's leaving them overnight.
It's not a parenting decision I would make, but it's not illegal and I can't imagine a court changing custody agreements because of it.

He is actively choosing NOT to parent on his parenting time, and on top of that, leave very young kids unattended regularly until 10 pm on a school night for half his custody days. You best believe his lawyer would tell him to take a demand letter requesting a reduction in custody time based on his self-evident disinterest in parenting VERY seriously. This isn’t a case of different parenting styles or even disagreement on how to handle a serious issue like mental health therapies. It’s a parent who quite simply … is not there. I’m not saying this is some kind of easy slam dunk or denying the risk, but it is a VERY bad look for the dad.

DP. It actually IS simply a case of different parenting styles. If you want full control over how your kids are parented every day you need to think about that BEFORE you divorce.

Leaving elementary schoolers alone all evening until 10pm on 2/4 of your custody days to do a hobby is not a “parenting style.” It’s evidence that you do not want to parent. Do it at your peril.

As more than one person has pointed out in this thread, when we were kids many of us WERE the paid babysitter at 11 years old.

I suspect most of you are objecting to the idea of it being a hobby. If he was to go into the office for a few extra hours a couple of nights a week you’d be fine with it and still consider him a good parent (regardless of whether or not he actually needs that extra income).

That is Boomer parenting. Mine didn't bother with seat belts either.

And bike helmets.

Also, high schools had designated smoking areas.

People like to harken back to boomer times and then subsequent boomer parenting when lots of real dumb things were going on.

Boomer parenting was better in many ways.

The coddling of this generation of kids is insane. They don't date, they don't drive. They can't handle real life.

[Anonymous]

OP have you considered that your reaction to this and/or other situations might be leading to your kids expressing discomfort?

[Anonymous]

Suggest a babysitter?

[Anonymous]

They are old enough to be left alone a few hours at this age. Nothing you can do.

I was alone for entire days in the summer by age 11.

While this is not your preference, there is nothing you can do.

[Anonymous]

Men are so selfish!

He has half of his nights free (which most parents do not) and still cannot defer indulging in his hobbies until they are with their mom.

[Anonymous]

I would emphasize that the DD is not comfortable (not get into fights about ages and laws). Ask him what can give (the classes? the custody schedule?).

[Anonymous]

"Turn the other cheek"

Unfortunately you just have to let go. He is their dad. If your daughter feels uncomfortable about it, have her talk to her dad about it.

Make sure they have a phone/app they can contact adults with.

There's nothing illegal you just don't like it but it is his time so...

I stopped fighting in court and just let go. Things actually turned out better than I could have imagined. I hope they do for you too. Trust.

[Anonymous]

Im a single mom and my daughter is very mature for 10yo. She has stayed home by herself including at bed time, many times. Maybe not ideal to some but it works for our family. Of course I always make her dinner and make sure she's set up before I leave. Every situation is different.