XH leaving kids alone at night regularly

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]where does he live and how long/when is he leaving them for?[/b] Different counties I believe have different rules about how long and when children can be left alone, the age of the oldest child left at home, etc. Some places have different rules for evening hours too.

Can you read? Or just lazy? It says all this IN THE OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

Have you ever re-negotiated a custody arrangement? It can take well over a year, and tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees. And by the time it's resolved, the reason you went to court isn't a real reason anymore.

OP, you can consult an attorney - but take EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt, because changing a custody agreement against one parents will is very challenging, time consuming, and may not go the way you think.

I'd just ask him to hire a babysitter.

Not everything requires full-on lawyering up and going to court. She can send a letter and go to free mediation. That’s almost 1/4 of their week so I’d consider it worthwhile to pursue. Yes she can start out with a lower key approach like asking him to hire a babysitter or letting them stay with her those nights. His documented refusal will just make things look worse for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd be furious too, OP. I don't understand why he doesn't hire a sitter.

Cause he’s a cheap #ss. Also, if you have your kids 50%, why leave 2/7 evenings you have them!

[Anonymous]

Put your feeling aside, all of you. It's in DC, it is not night time hours. It is possible that they live in apartment building with fron desk. It's possible a neighbor knows about the kids being home. It is possible that he is checking in on them or doing facetime. All of which Op leaves out.
Go to court, waste your time/money, you get nothing. My ex sold drugs. There were people coming and going form his house. Nobody cared. Not even hard to figure out as he never worked. Now he has a MJ growing back yard, but now it may be legal in DC. Nobody cares as having father around in DC is more important than anything else, and yours is not illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Check your local laws, but you can always call for a welfare check with the police who can inform him of the laws. You don't want to file a custody motion and then call CPS. They'll investigate you too, so decide what path you are taking (personally I'd call CPS or the police first because it won't cost me 30K)

DC doesn't have a lower age limit to be home alone, and even in Maryland it's 8. CFSA isn't going to do anything if the kids aren't left overnight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

Disagree. These are the actual hours you need to parent. Kids can absolutely be along for a few hours, as you say, but this isn't a Saturday afternoon. This is homework help, meal time and shower time. All 3 things that should have a parent around for when kids are that age.

Agree. Most jurisdictions don’t advise that 11 year olds be left alone for 3 hours at night, and certainly not 9 year olds. Beyond that this is incredibly crappy parenting by the dad, obviously. He can’t even commit to caring for them on the 3-4 nights/week he has them. It’s not like he’s doing this to go to work or something! It’s his hobby. If OP ever got this before a judge it would look really bad for the dad. But only OP knows if the expense is worth it. Some people would be reasonable and understand they need to compromise short of a court battle but others will dig in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

That's not true under the law.

[Anonymous]

They're both over 8, so they're well within the age that you can leave them alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Check your local laws, but you can always call for a welfare check with the police who can inform him of the laws. You don't want to file a custody motion and then call CPS. They'll investigate you too, so decide what path you are taking (personally I'd call CPS or the police first because it won't cost me 30K)

DC doesn't have a lower age limit to be home alone, and even in Maryland it's 8. CFSA isn't going to do anything if the kids aren't left overnight.

Then unfortunately that's the answer, nothing can be done. You can go to court but unless you have FU money it's not worth the risk of just having a judge say "so what"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Check your local laws, but you can always call for a welfare check with the police who can inform him of the laws. You don't want to file a custody motion and then call CPS. They'll investigate you too, so decide what path you are taking (personally I'd call CPS or the police first because it won't cost me 30K)

DC doesn't have a lower age limit to be home alone, and even in Maryland it's 8. CFSA isn't going to do anything if the kids aren't left overnight.

False. In Maryland leaving an 11 year old alone until 10pm in circumstances she feels uncomfortable in could consititute neglect. There’s a lot of discretion. https://www.montgomerycountymd.gov/mcfrs-info/tips/parents/childcare.html

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

That's not true under the law.

Depends on the jurisdiction whether it is neglect but it obviously reflects very badly on the dad’s willingness to parent. I would represent myself pro se to get custody adjusted.

[Anonymous]

I admittedly know nothing about custody rules, but why is everyone talking about legal rules? Having the kids eat cookies and soda for dinner every night and stay up until 1 am watching R-rated movies probably isn't illegal either, but if an ex-spouse was raising them like that I'd be concerned. The kids aren't physically in danger, but that is way too young to be left alone for 4 hours twice a week.

[Anonymous]

When I worked at CFSA prepandemic, this would have been investigated. CPS would not consider these kids to be safe at home for extended periods of time at 9 and 11, particularly when the children are not comfortable with the arrangement. The gray area here is that it's not strictly "overnight" and CPS is not going to enforce a bedtime on kids those ages. If they were 4 and 6, sure.

My guess is that if this was reported, CPS would tell him that he needs to find a babysitter for those times, he would say he's found one, and nothing would change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I admittedly know nothing about custody rules, but why is everyone talking about legal rules? Having the kids eat cookies and soda for dinner every night and stay up until 1 am watching R-rated movies probably isn't illegal either, but if an ex-spouse was raising them like that I'd be concerned. The kids aren't physically in danger, but that is way too young to be left alone for 4 hours twice a week.

Tell me you aren't divorced without telling me you aren't divorced. You cannot control the other parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

That's not true under the law.

Depends on the jurisdiction whether it is neglect but it obviously reflects very badly on the dad’s willingness to parent. I would represent myself pro se to get custody adjusted.

The jurisdiction is DC, which OP stated quite clearly from the get go.