XH leaving kids alone at night regularly

[Anonymous]

What can I do here?

My 11DD just reported to me that their dad ( my XH with whom I share custody 50/50, one week/one week) is leaving her and 9DS for two nights a week (6-9.45), to do his passion classes, non work related. This is during the school week, and past their bedtime.

I’m furious. DD is not comfortable, and has told him so. DS keeps things more inside but he’s 9!

I told XH to either renegotiate custody ( I’m happy to take them), or cut the evening classes, but he won’t budge saying it’s not my business ( my kids!)

Before contacting a lawyer, I want to ask for advice here as there is so much experience. This is in DC.

I mean, two nights in a row until almost 10 for little kids, in a 50/50 set up… tell me I’m not crazy…

Thx!

[Anonymous]

where does he live and how long/when is he leaving them for? Different counties I believe have different rules about how long and when children can be left alone, the age of the oldest child left at home, etc. Some places have different rules for evening hours too.

[Anonymous]

There’s not much you can do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

[Anonymous]

DC doesn't have the same strict "age to be home alone" laws that MD and VA have.

[Anonymous]

An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

[Anonymous]

You're not crazy. My 11 year old could not (and should not!) put my 9 year old to bed when they were that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC doesn't have the same strict "age to be home alone" laws that MD and VA have.

Sorry forgot to add, but even in MD your kids would be "old enough" in theory. I'm so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Check your local laws, but you can always call for a welfare check with the police who can inform him of the laws. You don't want to file a custody motion and then call CPS. They'll investigate you too, so decide what path you are taking (personally I'd call CPS or the police first because it won't cost me 30K)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s not much you can do about it.

Yes there is. 9 and 11 are too young to be left unattended at night. OP can ask to add this to the custody agreement.

Have you ever re-negotiated a custody arrangement? It can take well over a year, and tens of thousands of dollars in legal fees. And by the time it's resolved, the reason you went to court isn't a real reason anymore.

OP, you can consult an attorney - but take EVERYTHING they say with a grain of salt, because changing a custody agreement against one parents will is very challenging, time consuming, and may not go the way you think.

I'd just ask him to hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

Disagree. These are the actual hours you need to parent. Kids can absolutely be along for a few hours, as you say, but this isn't a Saturday afternoon. This is homework help, meal time and shower time. All 3 things that should have a parent around for when kids are that age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DC doesn't have the same strict "age to be home alone" laws that MD and VA have.

Sorry forgot to add, but even in MD your kids would be "old enough" in theory. I'm so sorry.

In this case, getting them a cell phone makes sense if they don't already have a way to call you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

You sounds like a peach, esp with the CAPS. Obv no idea of any socio emotional needs of growing children. But yes, they should, in theory not be kidnapped. You’re right on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:An 11 and 9 year old can be at home for a few hours. Also, those are not "night" time hours. It's evening just after dinner. Stop protecting your kids and let them grow and live.

They are inside the home. I assume they know. not to answer the phone or open the door. They are fine. Also, I'm betting there are cameras (or at least a Ring doorbell). So, what's the issue? Also, you DO NOT HAVE CONTROL over how your ex raises HIS KIDS. How would you like it if HE TOLD YOU how to raise your kids when they are with you? Leaving a couple of kids who are 11/9 for a few hours is not illegal or wrong parenting.

Think about that.

-1

I would be crazy as well OP!

They are too young to be left totally alone at that time……
Just the mere fact that your DD is not comfortable w/being left alone speaks volumes.

Perhaps this can be addressed w/a court mediator.

If not - you may want to schedule an emergency court hearing.

Fight for your children❣️
Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I'd be furious too, OP. I don't understand why he doesn't hire a sitter.