Middle schooler won't get up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD was having issues, not getting up early and to school, but staying awake afterwards. Sleeping like 3+ hours and sleeping hard. Turns out she had issue with increased iron levels, which creates fatigue and, long term, other issues.

So def get a workup.

Did you have her checked for hemochromatosis? Definitely worth looking in to if you haven’t already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

NP. STFU. No way you would let your 11 or 12 yo walk 5 mi. I call BS on that. And none of what you note is fostered by a punitive 5 mile -roughly 2 hour- walk to school. You're not doing any favors either, creating safety issues and resentment. But, as you glibly note, you do you.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I'm the pp that first said that up to 5 miles with sidewalks is walkable.
"Punative 5 mile?" You do realize that many people, yes-even 11 year olds, run 10ks (6.2 miles) for fun? Five miles is not punative.

A 5 mi jog for a runner or kid in XC is different than a kid (esp nonrunner) walking 5 miles to school for a 730 start time. THe former is a choice and fun. The latter is not. If you don't see that, there is no point in even having a discussion with you.

And it's punitive.

Obviously she wouldn't get there for the start time, that's the whole problem. She is sleeping so late that she is not only late herself, but causing her sibling to be late as well. It's not fair to the sibling that is responsible and on time, and OP should stop accommodating the one that is causing the problems.
If you don't see that, there is no point in even having a discussion with you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

NP. STFU. No way you would let your 11 or 12 yo walk 5 mi. I call BS on that. And none of what you note is fostered by a punitive 5 mile -roughly 2 hour- walk to school. You're not doing any favors either, creating safety issues and resentment. But, as you glibly note, you do you.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I'm the pp that first said that up to 5 miles with sidewalks is walkable.
"Punative 5 mile?" You do realize that many people, yes-even 11 year olds, run 10ks (6.2 miles) for fun? Five miles is not punative.

My 11 year old DD is a runner and an all around excellent athlete, that has jack to do with having her walk 5 miles to school alone. When she runs she does not go alone, and she is with her team at XC practice. And spare me the “but I was planning to walk it with her”, no you weren’t.

No, I won't "spare you."
A parent shouldn't send their child into a dangerous situation and I never said they should. The fact that you immediately jumped to that conclusion says a lot about the kind of parent you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

NP. STFU. No way you would let your 11 or 12 yo walk 5 mi. I call BS on that. And none of what you note is fostered by a punitive 5 mile -roughly 2 hour- walk to school. You're not doing any favors either, creating safety issues and resentment. But, as you glibly note, you do you.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I'm the pp that first said that up to 5 miles with sidewalks is walkable.
"Punative 5 mile?" You do realize that many people, yes-even 11 year olds, run 10ks (6.2 miles) for fun? Five miles is not punative.

A 5 mi jog for a runner or kid in XC is different than a kid (esp nonrunner) walking 5 miles to school for a 730 start time. THe former is a choice and fun. The latter is not. If you don't see that, there is no point in even having a discussion with you.

And it's punitive.

A 5 mile walk with a 20+ lb backpack is 100% punitive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

What's your plan if she decides to not walk to school? To wander off somewhere, go back home, go shoplifting for lunch, go hangout with the kids who deal fentanyl and carjack? "Natural consequences"?

I'm the pp that said she should walk to school. The parent walks WITH her. The point is not to have her do dangerous things on her own. The point is for her to deal with the consequences.

GMAFB, sure you meant you would walk the 2 hours with your kid. Then what since you don’t have a car, call an Uber to get home? There is zero chance this is what you meant, you’re backtracking because people are calling out the absurdity of an 11 year old girl being made to walk 5 miles alone to school.

No, I wouldn't uber. I'd walk/run the 5 miles back. It is 100% chance that is what I meant. Anyone in reasonable shape can walk ten miles in a day--but if OP had to get back home quickly for work, then it's understandable that she would Uber instead.

For what it's worth, everyone seems so hung up on "five miles" but I said UP TO five miles. OP never answered how far her kids' school is.

WTAF?? You're insane. Not a chance in h#ll I'd be doing this. And I can run 10+ miles any day of the week. No rational or employed person would do this. But keep insisting you would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

NP. STFU. No way you would let your 11 or 12 yo walk 5 mi. I call BS on that. And none of what you note is fostered by a punitive 5 mile -roughly 2 hour- walk to school. You're not doing any favors either, creating safety issues and resentment. But, as you glibly note, you do you.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but I'm the pp that first said that up to 5 miles with sidewalks is walkable.
"Punative 5 mile?" You do realize that many people, yes-even 11 year olds, run 10ks (6.2 miles) for fun? Five miles is not punative.

A 5 mi jog for a runner or kid in XC is different than a kid (esp nonrunner) walking 5 miles to school for a 730 start time. THe former is a choice and fun. The latter is not. If you don't see that, there is no point in even having a discussion with you.

And it's punitive.

A 5 mile walk with a 20+ lb backpack is 100% punitive.

Why is her backpack 20 pounds?

[Anonymous]

OP - I sympathize with you as I’m in the exact same situation with a 6th grade girl and an 8th grader who is ready early and tired of almost being late most days. They’ve been late a couple of times, but weren’t marked tardy.

I could have written the same post and hate starting our day this way. Before everyone jumps on me, no bus service to their school which is about 10 miles away. I work and can’t come back for her. Additionally, the 6th grader shares a room with a younger sibling who does not always have to get up as early.

I try to get her to have everything organized in the evenings, but that’s a struggle in itself. Even if she has everything laid out, she’ll decide in the morning she wants a different sweatshirt or shoes or needs a book. She has limited phone usage (like a hour), but that seems to be her currency. So starting tonight, her being ready to go in the morning will determine whether she gets to use her phone that afternoon. Not ready on time, no phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know posts have a way to go off tangent but good grief. OP asked a question and it’s turned into a debate about whether it’s ok to let an 11yo walk 5 miles to school or not….. nothing to do with what OP asked ( not OP)

Why stay on topic when you can initiate a stupid argument instead?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my 15 yr old and nothing has worked either. We worked with a family therapist and even she is stumped. Every day same battle.

I have set a time when we will leave for a ride to the bus stop. My other child is not an issue be ready on time so if my 15 yr old isn't ready I have left her. This has led to hysterics. Once I drove her all the way to school. The second time she convinced my DH to drive her behind my back while I was driving my other kid. But after that I have held firm. She then started saying well I don't care if I am late or go at all.

So we told her she had to find her own ride. She started getting her boyfriend to pay for her Ubers. I threatened to go to his parents over it to instruct him to stop but she told him he had to stop. She sometimes has gotten upperclassmen to pick her up.

She isn't motivated at all to cooperate. She doesn't care if her phone gets taken, if we take money out of her allowance, if she gets grounded from activities. Nothing works. The family therapist is the idiot who suggested threatening her to have to pay for her own Ubers to school which I didn't want to use as strategy, I warned her it would backfire, my DH used it anyway and it backfired exactly how I predicted.

I have no practical suggestion, just know I can commiserate. It sucks.

I hope you are exaggerating.

. Crying, screaming, stomping her feet = hysterics. I wish I was exaggerating. Do you have something helpful or just want to make people feel worse?

You have to want the help. You obviously don't. Enjoy living with hysterics.

Where did I write I didn't want help? Your dots don't connect, you make zero sense. I called you out and you doubled down on being a jerk. All you said was "I hope you are exaggerating" and I'm not exaggerating. You are rude and not helpful whatsoever. At least own it.

[Anonymous]

I highly encourage you to reward the expected behavior instead of trying to punish the negative. The reward does not need to be big but you have to rewire her associations with getting out the door on time. It is a lot easier to be motivated if you get to choose dinner/dessert/go to Tropical Smoothie/whatever works if you achieve easy mornings all week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

Maybe after she does it once she'll get herself out of bed in the morning.

[Anonymous]

This seems like social anxiety or sleep quality issue or something. It seems to bother her beyond just laziness and procrastination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One option is to just let her sleep and deal with the consequences.

Another option is to get her medically evaluated and to have her speak with a psychologist who deals with teenagers.

This one will backfire. After so many absences, the parents are the ones who get in trouble, not the kid. My neighbor dealt with this last year. It was to the level of "your mom is going to go to jail if you don't attend school" and the kid still waivered on going or not. What a brat! He's off at military school this year and doing better from what she's told me.

My husband has a story about getting his @ss kicked by his mom. Apparently he decided he wasnt going to school that day and computer sounded better, headed home and opened the door on his mom's face, who was trying to leave for work and not expecting the sullen teen to be coming back in through the front door

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

What school is this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

Maybe after she does it once she'll get herself out of bed in the morning.

I think it would be fine for mom or dad to take the day off and make it a group misery and learning day.