Middle schooler won't get up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

Lol, when my kids are slacking on getting up my DH will go up to their rooms and blast Good Morning Vietnam. That helps get them back on track.

HA.. my dad used a pot and wooden spoon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Try melatonin drops for adhd kid. Start with minimal dose. Use on weekdays only.

magnesium would be better. Melatonin is not for long term use. Magnesium can be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

[Anonymous]

So many trolls and no organized analysis of the problem.

1. Is she tired or just lazy?

2. Is she tired at night at bedtime?

3. Does she have any screen time in the blue before bed time?

4. Is she willing to get up and go to school if you "drag" her, or does she fight it?

5. What is the routine on weekends?

6. Has she moved every possible task, including getting dressed and prepping breakfast, from morning of to night before?

She needs to get to a state where getting up is more rewarding than staying down. Carrot and stick. Reward and punishment. Fighting with ain't it. Fighting is never it. You can force a kid to do some things, but that has an expiration date.


If she is resisting school by not getting up, then you have to work on persuading consent. There are lots of ways to force her, but those tend to lead to rebellion criminal justice and other severe consequences for youth who simply refuse to go along and get along in their family and society.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

What's your plan if she decides to not walk to school? To wander off somewhere, go back home, go shoplifting for lunch, go hangout with the kids who deal fentanyl and carjack? "Natural consequences"?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

What's your plan if she decides to not walk to school? To wander off somewhere, go back home, go shoplifting for lunch, go hangout with the kids who deal fentanyl and carjack? "Natural consequences"?

Oh I see. We’re talking about different things. My kids aren’t juvenile delinquents so I’m not worried about any of those scenarios.

[Anonymous]

I got an alarm that does not beep. It's just gradually gets brighter. Maybe try that. I would also ask her to come up with a solution.

[Anonymous]

We have had some of these issues. DH's solution is not to engage. It does seem to partially depend on DD's mood, whether she's up on time or can't get up.

I also realized it's partially lack of consequences from the school (at least those she's aware of). When they started a project in her first period, she stopped being tardy.

It depends on your kid, but with my DD, consequences backfire (make her too anxious/oppositional), it's better to leave her alone. But just be clear and upfront about what will happen if she's late, not as a threat. Like: I'm willing to drive you to school once a month, if you are running late.

Things that I've tried that didn't work: going in to wake her up (makes her mad). Yelling. Getting a sibling to help me (don't put your other kids in the middle). Guilt trips. Scaring her that the social worker at school will want to meet with us (eventually I even emailed the school social worker, but got no response).

But I was thinking if the issue gets worse, I'll get school involved in some way. So maybe that's your next step?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

This isn’t about fostering confidence and independence though. There are much better ways to do that with an 11 year old girl than have her walk 5 miles alone to school. We all have our own comfort level with risk, and this is way past my comfort level for an 11 year old girl. There are a lot of effing weirdos and creeps out there. My 11 year old is no match for a grown a** man no matter how confident or independent she is. It is not worth it to me just to teach her a lesson about waking up on time for school.

[Anonymous]

I sympathize with all of you. MS was so early and it was awful with one of our kids. She did not stay up late but was so hard to get up at 6:15. Her bus came at 6:45.

it was a fight every morning until we started prepping stuff in the evening which she was open to because then she could sleep longer. She had to pack lunch (or most of it- I would heat up something if that is what she wanted but she had to make the decision the night before), laid out clothes, filled water bottle, had backpack by front door, etc... Staying calm helped and talking about it was onyl for middle school.

Some kids have a really hard time with the early mornings.

[Anonymous]

Jesus, this is all so mean and punitive. Do you all actually hate your kids? Or just talk tough when it is someone else's?

OP, are there issues at school? Is she getting bullied or excluded? We went through this with one DD in 5th grade and it turned out there were MAJOR social issues, including really staggeringly bad bullying (the kind you read about after a kid commits suicide and think, that can't be real, why didn't anyone intervene?).

Agree with others who suggest a medical workup. Same DD had a vitamin D deficiency that required use of a sunlamp.

Also, middle school start times are EARLY. Some kids are just not morning people, no matter how hard they try. Add puberty (which affects bodyclock), ADHD, or mood issues into the mix and it's tough.

And to the people suggesting she be required to walk 5 miles. Are you for real? Many people live near major roads where walking isn't feasible. And someone is going to call CPS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One option is to just let her sleep and deal with the consequences.

Another option is to get her medically evaluated and to have her speak with a psychologist who deals with teenagers.

This one will backfire. After so many absences, the parents are the ones who get in trouble, not the kid. My neighbor dealt with this last year. It was to the level of "your mom is going to go to jail if you don't attend school" and the kid still waivered on going or not. What a brat! He's off at military school this year and doing better from what she's told me.

[Anonymous]

Our middle school starts nightmarishly early (7:30). I have/had a lot of sympathy for my kids re: the early wake up during these years (2 kids down, one to go..in MS now). The early start time is really rough on kids this age IMO- they still need extra sleep, add potential puberty/growth spurts into the mix and it is a mess. That said, we simply can’t be late for school…just not an option.

I agree with all of the evening limits, everything packed the night before, earlier bedtime etc and trying some things. However in the AM if a kid isn’t ready and at the door when it is time to go (and I do issue multiple reminders) all electronics privileges lost for the day. That was their currency. I’d that hadn’t worked I would’ve upped the ante further. Figure out what her currency is.

That said, I was sympathetic and willing to do a lot to help them get out the door during those years- even taking over things they had been doing themselves in elementary. I woke early myself and packed their lunches, set to-go breakfasts out (muffins or other portable things, wrapped and ready to grab) and even filled water bottles…made sure everything was set and ready.

In high school, with a sane start time-they have taken all of those responsibilities back just fine.

Anyway, I sympathize….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

You do you, but I am certainly not white knuckling through my 11 year old DD walking 5 miles by herself to school. I see it as a safety issue, you may not see it that way but I do.

Okay. It’s clearly a potential safety issue, but it’s an unlikely safety issue. Fostering independence and confidence in her own abilities matters. You’re not doing your daughter any favors. But yeah, you do you.

NP. STFU. No way you would let your 11 or 12 yo walk 5 mi. I call BS on that. And none of what you note is fostered by a punitive 5 mile -roughly 2 hour- walk to school. You're not doing any favors either, creating safety issues and resentment. But, as you glibly note, you do you.