Middle schooler won't get up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

Lol, when my kids are slacking on getting up my DH will go up to their rooms and blast Good Morning Vietnam. That helps get them back on track.

My dad used to flip the lights on and off while whistling Reveille. Good times.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar issue with my 15 yr old and nothing has worked either. We worked with a family therapist and even she is stumped. Every day same battle.

I have set a time when we will leave for a ride to the bus stop. My other child is not an issue be ready on time so if my 15 yr old isn't ready I have left her. This has led to hysterics. Once I drove her all the way to school. The second time she convinced my DH to drive her behind my back while I was driving my other kid. But after that I have held firm. She then started saying well I don't care if I am late or go at all.

So we told her she had to find her own ride. She started getting her boyfriend to pay for her Ubers. I threatened to go to his parents over it to instruct him to stop but she told him he had to stop. She sometimes has gotten upperclassmen to pick her up.

She isn't motivated at all to cooperate. She doesn't care if her phone gets taken, if we take money out of her allowance, if she gets grounded from activities. Nothing works. The family therapist is the idiot who suggested threatening her to have to pay for her own Ubers to school which I didn't want to use as strategy, I warned her it would backfire, my DH used it anyway and it backfired exactly how I predicted.

I have no practical suggestion, just know I can commiserate. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

DP: Our school is exactly 5 miles from our house. It would take 2 hours to walk there if it were flat, but it isn't so add 20 minutes for the steep up hill climbs (there would be 3 of those). One must also consider the safety issues of the route -- not happening.

If it takes your kid 2 hours to walk 5 flat miles there is something wrong. Either she has a physical disability or she is lazy and lollygagging. A normal walking pace is about a 20 minute mile, so she should be able to walk 5 miles in approx. 1 hour and 40 minutes, and far quicker if she actually puts effort into walking briskly.

And yeah--I considered the "safety issues of the route." Please go back and actually read my post. I specifically addressed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my 15 yr old and nothing has worked either. We worked with a family therapist and even she is stumped. Every day same battle.

I have set a time when we will leave for a ride to the bus stop. My other child is not an issue be ready on time so if my 15 yr old isn't ready I have left her. This has led to hysterics. Once I drove her all the way to school. The second time she convinced my DH to drive her behind my back while I was driving my other kid. But after that I have held firm. She then started saying well I don't care if I am late or go at all.

So we told her she had to find her own ride. She started getting her boyfriend to pay for her Ubers. I threatened to go to his parents over it to instruct him to stop but she told him he had to stop. She sometimes has gotten upperclassmen to pick her up.

She isn't motivated at all to cooperate. She doesn't care if her phone gets taken, if we take money out of her allowance, if she gets grounded from activities. Nothing works. The family therapist is the idiot who suggested threatening her to have to pay for her own Ubers to school which I didn't want to use as strategy, I warned her it would backfire, my DH used it anyway and it backfired exactly how I predicted.

I have no practical suggestion, just know I can commiserate. It sucks.

I hope you are exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

The light alarm clock has worked wonders for our son. It starts getting bright at a certain time and by the time the sound goes off it’s bright in his room.

I would also look into medical issues (sleep apnea)

[Anonymous]

Try a vitamin B and D for a couple of days and see if it makes a difference.

[Anonymous]

My teen who did this had severe ADHD and sleep apnea. The apnea worsened the ADHD symptoms. We accommodated as much as we could, prepared his lunch, drove him to school. Eventually he received an accommodation to skip first period, because he was functioning on 3 hrs of sleep a night. He had a mental breakdown due to his sleep deprivation and high school workload in 12th grade. Took all summer to rest and is now doing better in college.

Have your kid evaluated, OP. This is out of their control.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids in middle school. One gets up an hour early, walks the dog, packs lunches, gets everything ready and could leave very early. The other one stumbles out of bed late and we all beg and cajole her to get ready by the last minute before they would be late for school. We've tried alarms, we make her go to bed early, take away devices early, nothing has worked. The worst part is we all start the day angry, today we were all yelling at her again as she grabbed a banana for breakfast and ran out crying. I'm at my wit's end, what else has anyone done in this situation that has worked?

This is a lot to have tried. How is she in the rest of her life? On top of things without any help from you or not.
If not, you may want to get her checked out. Physical health and mental health, etc. I'm not saying she has anything, but you'll want to rule that out before you figure out why she has no motivation. Better now than complaining later that you have a failure to launch young adult.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone, this is OP and I appreciate the helpful responses. My dd is otherwise a good kid, she does have ADHD but I didn't know that would effect her sleep. I will get her checked for sleep apnea. She's in 6th and her sister is in 8th and they are supposed to take the bus but she often makes them miss it so we drive them. Her sister is going to kill her if she gets marked late again after being ready early.

[Anonymous]

Check for depression too.
These transition years can be hard for kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, this is OP and I appreciate the helpful responses. My dd is otherwise a good kid, she does have ADHD but I didn't know that would effect her sleep. I will get her checked for sleep apnea. She's in 6th and her sister is in 8th and they are supposed to take the bus but she often makes them miss it so we drive them. Her sister is going to kill her if she gets marked late again after being ready early.

The 8th grader goes on the bus by herself if the 6th grader is late. This shouldn't be her worry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, this is OP and I appreciate the helpful responses. My dd is otherwise a good kid, she does have ADHD but I didn't know that would effect her sleep. I will get her checked for sleep apnea. She's in 6th and her sister is in 8th and they are supposed to take the bus but she often makes them miss it so we drive them. Her sister is going to kill her if she gets marked late again after being ready early.

The 8th grader goes on the bus by herself if the 6th grader is late. This shouldn't be her worry.

+1, older sister should handle herself independent of your younger DD. Get on the bus regardless of whether her sister is ready, this isn’t her problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, this is OP and I appreciate the helpful responses. My dd is otherwise a good kid, she does have ADHD but I didn't know that would effect her sleep. I will get her checked for sleep apnea. She's in 6th and her sister is in 8th and they are supposed to take the bus but she often makes them miss it so we drive them. Her sister is going to kill her if she gets marked late again after being ready early.

"Again?" So your older child has already been unfairly punished due to her younger sister?