Middle schooler won't get up

[Anonymous]

I have 2 kids in middle school. One gets up an hour early, walks the dog, packs lunches, gets everything ready and could leave very early. The other one stumbles out of bed late and we all beg and cajole her to get ready by the last minute before they would be late for school. We've tried alarms, we make her go to bed early, take away devices early, nothing has worked. The worst part is we all start the day angry, today we were all yelling at her again as she grabbed a banana for breakfast and ran out crying. I'm at my wit's end, what else has anyone done in this situation that has worked?

[Anonymous]

One option is to just let her sleep and deal with the consequences.

Another option is to get her medically evaluated and to have her speak with a psychologist who deals with teenagers.

[Anonymous]

I’d ask her in a calm time to help you troubleshoot this issue. What does she think? She needs to know it’s a problem and she needs to help solve it.

[Anonymous]

You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One option is to just let her sleep and deal with the consequences.

Another option is to get her medically evaluated and to have her speak with a psychologist who deals with teenagers.

Both of the above are great pieces of advice.

If you can rule out a medical issue, I'd say go the consequences route. What would happen if you encouraged an early bedtime, set the alarm, and let the chips fall where they may? If you said, "I expect you up at 7 and in the kitchen, dressed, at 7:15, and if you don't, we are moving on without you." Would her being late or missing school and feeling like she missed important things academically and socially be a motivator?

There's also the option of taking away all electronics, period, until she wakes up at the proper time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

[Anonymous]

When you say you’ve tried alarms what does that mean?
My 6th grader used to use Alexa but then started sleeping through it.
Now she has a travel alarm clock with a loud intermittent beep on her dresser. She had to physically get out of bed to turn it off. That’s working.
They are old enough to get themselves up and ready at this age. I would enact a consequence for not getting up when they’re super to.

[Anonymous]

My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

DP: Our school is exactly 5 miles from our house. It would take 2 hours to walk there if it were flat, but it isn't so add 20 minutes for the steep up hill climbs (there would be 3 of those). One must also consider the safety issues of the route -- not happening.

[Anonymous]

I suggest you talk to the pediatrician to rule out any medical issues that cause excessive sleepiness. Consider that 9–16% of US female adolescents are iron deficient while 2–5% are anemic, and iron deficiency can cause excessive tiredness and irritability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 2 kids in middle school. One gets up an hour early, walks the dog, packs lunches, gets everything ready and could leave very early. The other one stumbles out of bed late and we all beg and cajole her to get ready by the last minute before they would be late for school. We've tried alarms, we make her go to bed early, take away devices early, nothing has worked. The worst part is we all start the day angry, today we were all yelling at her again as she grabbed a banana for breakfast and ran out crying. I'm at my wit's end, what else has anyone done in this situation that has worked?

Obviously the screaming at her is not helping if she’s still running late and running out the door crying. Are you driving them (and do you WFH), are they walking, or are they catching the bus? If you aren’t driving them, your kid is old enough to learn for themselves to be ready on time or deal with the consequences. If she misses the bus and you have to take her, all electronics are taken for a week. How to handle it if you’re driving them depends on your work situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

Lol, when my kids are slacking on getting up my DH will go up to their rooms and blast Good Morning Vietnam. That helps get them back on track.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

It’s nice you have time to do this, most people don’t. I’m the PP whose kid has the alarm on her dresser. I need to shower myself, get dressed etc, feed the dog, make lunch ( If I’m off she gets a hot lunch in thermos) empty dishwasher etc…… MS is time for independence.