Middle schooler won't get up

[Anonymous]

Dump a cup of cold water on her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks everyone, this is OP and I appreciate the helpful responses. My dd is otherwise a good kid, she does have ADHD but I didn't know that would effect her sleep. I will get her checked for sleep apnea. She's in 6th and her sister is in 8th and they are supposed to take the bus but she often makes them miss it so we drive them. Her sister is going to kill her if she gets marked late again after being ready early.

"Again?" So your older child has already been unfairly punished due to her younger sister?

Yes, she has been marked late a few times but no one has punished her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Dump a cup of cold water on her?

10 minutes after her alarm goes off, pull back all the covers, open the window for cold air, put on some loud music. Be OBNOXIOUS and do not let up until she is upright and out of her room.

[Anonymous]

OP you didn’t answer what didn’t work exactly with alarms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

DP. Disagree. Bet she’ll fix the problem real quick after a five mile walk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my 15 yr old and nothing has worked either. We worked with a family therapist and even she is stumped. Every day same battle.

I have set a time when we will leave for a ride to the bus stop. My other child is not an issue be ready on time so if my 15 yr old isn't ready I have left her. This has led to hysterics. Once I drove her all the way to school. The second time she convinced my DH to drive her behind my back while I was driving my other kid. But after that I have held firm. She then started saying well I don't care if I am late or go at all.

So we told her she had to find her own ride. She started getting her boyfriend to pay for her Ubers. I threatened to go to his parents over it to instruct him to stop but she told him he had to stop. She sometimes has gotten upperclassmen to pick her up.

She isn't motivated at all to cooperate. She doesn't care if her phone gets taken, if we take money out of her allowance, if she gets grounded from activities. Nothing works. The family therapist is the idiot who suggested threatening her to have to pay for her own Ubers to school which I didn't want to use as strategy, I warned her it would backfire, my DH used it anyway and it backfired exactly how I predicted.

I have no practical suggestion, just know I can commiserate. It sucks.

I hope you are exaggerating.

. Crying, screaming, stomping her feet = hysterics. I wish I was exaggerating. Do you have something helpful or just want to make people feel worse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

You think their type kid will care if they miss school? No. Ohhh detention. Who cares?

[Anonymous]

What is her currency OP? What is it she loves? Whatever it is (often its a cellphone), she can only have it on the days she gets up independently and gets to school on time without creating issues for other family members.

If there is nothing you can take from her to make her care about this, then yeah that is something for a professional.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My daughter likes to be woken up a certain way - I know she could wake herself up and we'd have the same drama as you - but instead, I go in, 15 minutes early, turn on her lights. After 15 minutes, I go in and chat to her - what are you going to wear today? It's a short day today, do you have any plans after school? Do you want me to put a waffle in the toaster ... etc. When she's answering, I leave and she gets up. You could also try putting on loud music - that was my mom's way. It wasn't awful except it was the 80's.

It’s nice you have time to do this, most people don’t. I’m the PP whose kid has the alarm on her dresser. I need to shower myself, get dressed etc, feed the dog, make lunch ( If I’m off she gets a hot lunch in thermos) empty dishwasher etc…… MS is time for independence.

Oh FFS. Not the PP but of course you have the time to do this, you just don’t want to spend time doing this. Which is FINE. And then castigating PP for her lovely sounding wake up routine for not fostering independence, yet making your own kid’s lunch? Get some self awareness, please.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You leave at X time, and if she's not in the car you leave without her. Do you have to go straight to work right after dropping them off?
How far is school? Is it walkable-meaning a safe walk with sidewalks? If it's less than five miles away with sidewalks, that's walkable. If it's more than five miles and/or there's no sidewalks, then you drive her after you get back--but no excuse notes. She takes the unexcused tardy.
At my kid's school, three tardies= detention.

Five miles? Get real.

Five miles is real. Middle schoolers are more than capable of walking five miles.

It is patently absurd to suggest that a MS aged girl walk 5 miles alone to school.

It's not. It's appropriate natural consequences.

To each their own. I would not send my 11 year old DD on a 5 mile trek alone to school because if something ever happened to her I would not be able to live with myself.

DP and I get it. This is one of the hardest parts about parenting. But you really need to white knuckle through some things for the good of your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my 15 yr old and nothing has worked either. We worked with a family therapist and even she is stumped. Every day same battle.

I have set a time when we will leave for a ride to the bus stop. My other child is not an issue be ready on time so if my 15 yr old isn't ready I have left her. This has led to hysterics. Once I drove her all the way to school. The second time she convinced my DH to drive her behind my back while I was driving my other kid. But after that I have held firm. She then started saying well I don't care if I am late or go at all.

So we told her she had to find her own ride. She started getting her boyfriend to pay for her Ubers. I threatened to go to his parents over it to instruct him to stop but she told him he had to stop. She sometimes has gotten upperclassmen to pick her up.

She isn't motivated at all to cooperate. She doesn't care if her phone gets taken, if we take money out of her allowance, if she gets grounded from activities. Nothing works. The family therapist is the idiot who suggested threatening her to have to pay for her own Ubers to school which I didn't want to use as strategy, I warned her it would backfire, my DH used it anyway and it backfired exactly how I predicted.

I have no practical suggestion, just know I can commiserate. It sucks.

I hope you are exaggerating.

. Crying, screaming, stomping her feet = hysterics. I wish I was exaggerating. Do you have something helpful or just want to make people feel worse?

You have to want the help. You obviously don't. Enjoy living with hysterics.

[Anonymous]

I had guessed she had ADHD even before you said it. Does she take meds? Can you adjust the timing of the meds? Dosage? I would see a doctor.

Can you help her figure out a routine? My kid basically does nothing in the morning - clothes are laid out, bag and lunch are packed the night before, breakfast is eaten on the way to school. It really saves the scramble to find things in the morning and having to make any decisions. My child is grumpy in the morning so I don't really speak to them a ton in the morning - less opportunity to get into fights. We use alarms instead of me reminding them to do things.

If you doing more for her would be helpful, I would consider it as well. Kids with ADHD take longer to mature often, I would consider treating her like a younger elementary school student in terms of providing additional support if you think it would help.

[Anonymous]

How long did you send her bed early? A few nights or 2 weeks?

[Anonymous]

Comparing your two kids like that is really going to screw them up. You can’t hide that from them either, they are both absorbing your putting them against eachother. I get that family needs come first but you really need to see them as individual strengths and weaknesses. It’s a way bigger problem than the late riser.

[Anonymous]

Try melatonin drops for adhd kid. Start with minimal dose. Use on weekdays only.