If you grew up poor…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of mine are food related:

EVERYONE gets a drink at a restaurant. Kids want a Shirley Temple? Fine. Get a refill!

We don’t often WANT it, but dessert is an option that’s always on the table. Same with appetizers.

I will splurge on expensive spaghetti sauce and nicer pasta. I buy REAL Parmesan. I spend a small fortune on good EVOO. We buy the expensive ice cream. We eat some form of meat almost every single day. I buy giant roasts or steaks for the weekend. Quality cheeses, fancy crackers, nice cured meats. Things like that.

But I also panic like you about “worst case scenarios”. I have a number I like to keep in savings and I panic if something take us below it.

The meat hit home. We NEVER had meat growing up. If we did, it was canned chicken, those canned beef Chinese chow mein dishes, or canned tuna. And Spam. Or cubed steak. I didn’t have a real steak or actual chicken breast until I was in my late teens.

We also eat a ton of quality meat.

Pp from 17:30. We had spam and cubed steak too — I hate cube steak! When my mom brought chicken she got chicken backs and cooked them as if they were regular chicken pieces. She covered them in flour, baked them, and called it “chicken shake-n-bake.” We knew it wasn’t shake n bake like in a regular house, lol.

It sounds like your mom tried really hard with what she had. Not a criticism or anything, I just thought that was sweet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

I'm UMC and grew up UMC but I'm so weird about using every last drop of things in bottles/jars/cans. I don't know why. I'll add water to my shampoo and conditioner (but not dressing!) to make them last as long as possible. I'll scrape the inside of jars forever to get every single drop. I'll bang the ketchup bottle on the counter for five minutes and then leave it upside down for another time and then use a tiny spatula to get it all out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But you are not now, what are some things you do that you know are directly related to how you grew up?

We fly direct even if more expensive. I remember a family vacation where we flew to Florida and I swear we changed planes 3 times and landed somewhere else in the state and drove 2 hours because it was cheaper that way.

This is not poor. Poor people never ever fly.

PP flies direct *now*. Not back then.

She told a story about how she flew with multiple layovers as a kid...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t accept free food. Even if it’s at a fancy event, even if everybody else is helping themselves. I always say I’m not hungry because I feel so much shame any time I accept free food.

You have touched on the shame of being poor. That is what people do not understand/ grasp if they did not grow up that way. I remember feeling shame as a kid when our rich relatives mocked us for having too many kids in the family (8).

We never got free food, but we never went on a vacation and went out to eat maybe once a year when our great aunt took us out of pity.

To this day, I reuse baggies and foil and am almost monk- like in depriving myself of worldly pleasures. The only exceptiion to my frugality/ cheapness for myself is travel. My husband and I are multimillionaires now, but my brain still tells me I am poor. We stopped at one kid since I never wanted to be poor again. Kid went to most elite schools money could buy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

DH made fun of me for halving our napkins. I found it to be such a waste that we would wipe our mouths once, and throw them out.

I also have a big tupperware full of takeout ketchup packets.

I cut them in 1/2 too and use 1 a day not 1 per meal.

Oh man, you would hate me. I accidentally grabbed two today for lunch and ended up throwing them both away (I used them both on accident so even though I guess the bottom one maybe wasn't dirty, it was all crumpled up). I am actually pretty strict about recycling/reusing most things, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We grew up poor. We’re not rich now but not poor. I still only order water in a restaurant and I get a lot of clothes from the thrift store for myself annd my kid even though I can afford new, I can’t justify it.

Where I spend now is on my kid. I missed out on activities as a child because of money and I knew I couldn’t ask. I never want my kid to feel like that so if she wants to do a sport or go somewhere I make it happen.

+1 I could’ve written this post.

My parents were children during the Depression/WW2 era and we had little when I was growing up. Canned foods were somewhat of an exception because both had literally gone to bed hungry (more than a few times). I still have a bit of a hoarder/prepper mentality with food/staples. Came in handy during COVID!

Love my “old” clothes, though, still shop in thrift/second hand stores (I figure someone else liked it enough, too, to buy it the first time!).

DH likewise grew up on the very wrong side of town and has clawed his way to having helped create this very nice life we have.

Kids are “spoiled” with our time and, perhaps, a few too many activities but I’m ok with that. Stuff? Not so much.

And, shhhh, I also still have my nail clippers from high school way too many decades ago. I’d be crushed if I lost or broke them. “Trim” brand. Love ‘em!

I do, too, but my obsession came from my mom always being able to "throw together" some elaborate dinner or host a party or whatever. She always had everything on hand! I try to be able to be flexible in case kids have friends over and then their parents come pick them up and we all end up eating dinner together or whatever. Also, very handy during COVID when we were cooking three meals a day from home for the entire family every day!

[Anonymous]

So many of your stories are familiar! We were really poor, and get bags of clothes from relatives with older kids. The shirts had big pit stains, rips, worn out. Now when I donate clothes, if I wouldn't put it on or have my kid wear it, I use it for rags. I donate the clothes she grows out of, but are still in perfect shape (thankfully she isn't tough on clothing). I feel it's really disrespectful to think that just because someone is poor that they should take your garbage stuff.

My best friend as a kid - she wasn't poor but her dad was a notorious cheapskate. the rule for toilet paper was - 1 square for pee. 2 squares for poo. IDK how he regulated. LOL.

Now I used odds and ends for cooking (utensils) and my husband will say - why don't you use X (like spatula, for instance) and I say I don't have one. He says - well buy one! It doesn't occur to me because I always had to make do.

Another thing was I got my first job in 8th grade (delivering newspapers), then I worked in for the city (there was a poor kid program) at 14. As soon as I started working my mother made me pay "room and board".

My child has everything she needs, and then some. Lots of underwear, socks, bras. Sheets that MATCH with their pillowcases and even the blankets!

I remember we needed to bring a watercolor set to school in 5th grade. I didn't ask my mother, because I knew we didn't have the money. Every day the teacher would ask why I didn't bring it in. I was the only kid in the class without it.

it never leaves you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So many of your stories are familiar! We were really poor, and get bags of clothes from relatives with older kids. The shirts had big pit stains, rips, worn out. Now when I donate clothes, if I wouldn't put it on or have my kid wear it, I use it for rags. I donate the clothes she grows out of, but are still in perfect shape (thankfully she isn't tough on clothing). I feel it's really disrespectful to think that just because someone is poor that they should take your garbage stuff.

My best friend as a kid - she wasn't poor but her dad was a notorious cheapskate. the rule for toilet paper was - 1 square for pee. 2 squares for poo. IDK how he regulated. LOL.

Now I used odds and ends for cooking (utensils) and my husband will say - why don't you use X (like spatula, for instance) and I say I don't have one. He says - well buy one! It doesn't occur to me because I always had to make do.

Another thing was I got my first job in 8th grade (delivering newspapers), then I worked in for the city (there was a poor kid program) at 14. As soon as I started working my mother made me pay "room and board".

My child has everything she needs, and then some. Lots of underwear, socks, bras. Sheets that MATCH with their pillowcases and even the blankets!

I remember we needed to bring a watercolor set to school in 5th grade. I didn't ask my mother, because I knew we didn't have the money. Every day the teacher would ask why I didn't bring it in. I was the only kid in the class without it.

it never leaves you.

I can relate to so much of this. My mother limited us to two squares of toilet paper and she’d get really riled up about it.

It makes me so happy to hear your DC has enough underwear, socks and bras. I never did and it was the source of a lot of shame. I grew up in MI as a child with no socks—that gets cold. When I went to junior high I baby sat to make money to buy underwear because now that we were changing in front of people for gym I couldn’t go without. Oh—and my mother would yell at me for not wearing underwear…but wouldn’t buy me any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

DH made fun of me for halving our napkins. I found it to be such a waste that we would wipe our mouths once, and throw them out.

I also have a big tupperware full of takeout ketchup packets.

I cut them in 1/2 too and use 1 a day not 1 per meal.

Oh man, you would hate me. I accidentally grabbed two today for lunch and ended up throwing them both away (I used them both on accident so even though I guess the bottom one maybe wasn't dirty, it was all crumpled up). I am actually pretty strict about recycling/reusing most things, too.

Select a size paper towels changed my life.

[Anonymous]

one thing I haven't gotten past is clothing. like when I see Rachel Maddox and her black suits. How many does she have? Me? One. If you have a black suit, or shirt, or jeans, why would you need to buy more? I can't justify that. Or purses, seeing Kim K's hundreds of thousands of dollar purses. Why spend so much money when you only need one or two. (Kim K is an extreme example. But you get the gist).

[Anonymous]

*Maddow

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm opposite you on clothes, OP. I wear and use things until they fall apart. DH just picked up my nail clipper and asked how old it was, because he claimed it looked worn. I got it around 12 or 13. He went to Target that week and got me a new one. I'm 46. He also nearly fell over when he found out my lip balms were about 5 or 6 years old. He bought me four new ones on that same Target trip and threw out my old ones. I only JUST last year got rid of the last of the white socks I had for gym in high school. I'm 47. When I finish a tissue box, I then use the box for trash before throwing it out. Still quite frugal, still take excellent care of everything I have because I appreciate everything I have so much.

I'm...confused.

Ha, you must not be in your mid-40's because I honestly don't care how old I am right now. I'm 40-something so I'm older than 40 and younger than 50. Not PP by the way, but I have totally given the wrong age or had to think about it for a minute now.

+1. I started doing this in my 50s. The milestone 5s and 10s you remember of course, but the ones in between become less important.

[Anonymous]

I was raised by Depression raised and WWII scarred parents and it is very hard for me to get rid of "good stuff". There is always the sense that you might need it someday as a backup, repurpose or sell so you don't go without when life takes a bad turn. My great grandfather died of starvation during WWI and my father would lose his mind if he saw us throw away food. My mother went hungry often during the Depression and WWII years so she would alway buy enough food to keep two refrigerators and our pantry full. The pandemic triggered this learned anxiety in me and I feel unsafe when I see partially-empty refrigerator and pantry shelves. I also am having a lot of trouble donating and discarding items post-pandemic.

[Anonymous]

It is funny you say that bc I feel so safe and secure when we have a fresh grocery order. Same insecurity

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

DH made fun of me for halving our napkins. I found it to be such a waste that we would wipe our mouths once, and throw them out.

I also have a big tupperware full of takeout ketchup packets.

I cut them in 1/2 too and use 1 a day not 1 per meal.

Oh man, you would hate me. I accidentally grabbed two today for lunch and ended up throwing them both away (I used them both on accident so even though I guess the bottom one maybe wasn't dirty, it was all crumpled up). I am actually pretty strict about recycling/reusing most things, too.

I don’t track other people’s usage.