If you grew up poor…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

DH made fun of me for halving our napkins. I found it to be such a waste that we would wipe our mouths once, and throw them out.

I also have a big tupperware full of takeout ketchup packets.

I cut them in 1/2 too and use 1 a day not 1 per meal.

Oh man, you would hate me. I accidentally grabbed two today for lunch and ended up throwing them both away (I used them both on accident so even though I guess the bottom one maybe wasn't dirty, it was all crumpled up). I am actually pretty strict about recycling/reusing most things, too.

Select a size paper towels changed my life.

I only buy select a size paper towels. I don't know how I ever functioned without them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We were poor for the first 10 years of my life, but those years had an affect on me for sure. I'm constantly fighting intrusive thoughts that we're one paycheck away from living under a bridge - could not be further from the truth but I still can't shake the notion. I hoard takeout napkins and condiments. I re-use foil when possible. I turn my ketchup bottles upside down to get the last drop.

I hate that I have such an unhealthy relationship with money.

DH made fun of me for halving our napkins. I found it to be such a waste that we would wipe our mouths once, and throw them out.

I also have a big tupperware full of takeout ketchup packets.

I cut them in 1/2 too and use 1 a day not 1 per meal.

Oh man, you would hate me. I accidentally grabbed two today for lunch and ended up throwing them both away (I used them both on accident so even though I guess the bottom one maybe wasn't dirty, it was all crumpled up). I am actually pretty strict about recycling/reusing most things, too.

Select a size paper towels changed my life.

I only buy select a size paper towels. I don't know how I ever functioned without them!

It's hard for me to even buy paper towels.

[Anonymous]

4. Making sure my kids have actual brand name shoes. It’s seems so stupid but growing up I ALWAYS had Payless/k mart/walk at shoes and kids know. They just know. Did not having name brand shoes growing up make me a better person? No it didn’t-it just made me have to deal with teasing from other kids on the regular about my cheap shoes.

OP, you wrote the above.

The funny things is, my father was a leather goods and shoe repairman who owned more than store. He hated cheap shoes that couldn't be repaired and had to be thrown away.

We weren't "poor" but not wealthy, either. My shoe repairman father insisted on always buying leather shoes from places like "Steve's Shoes." My sister was born with a disability, where she had to wear casts and then leg braces for a few years. She sometimes looked like she wore Doc Marten shoes before they were popular.

My dad hated the trend of men wearing Nike tennis shoes made in China instead of when men used to wear Florsheim dress shoes. He sometimes sold Florsheim's in his shops.

You're right. Kids do know about shoes. However, a lot of shoes at Payless were "cute" and stylish.

Today for me, it's not about name brand shoes, but about finding any quality shoes that aren't made in a factory in China somewhere. Shoes used to be made in Italy and Brazil. Not anymore.

[Anonymous]

I make sure my kids never had to wear high waters. When they went through growth spurts I made sure there clothes were never too small. I was the nerdy kid with pants 2 inches to short. I got in so many fights throughout school, that by 10th grade people finally were just afraid to say anything an left me alone.

Always shopped at the day old bread store, forgot about that until a PP mentioned that

Never went on a plane until senior year in college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I make sure my kids never had to wear high waters. When they went through growth spurts I made sure there clothes were never too small. I was the nerdy kid with pants 2 inches to short. I got in so many fights throughout school, that by 10th grade people finally were just afraid to say anything an left me alone.

Always shopped at the day old bread store, forgot about that until a PP mentioned that

Never went on a plane until senior year in college.

I graduate high school in 1987. I never went on a plane until my freshman year of college, only because my boyfriend and I traveled together.

I don't think it was unusual for people to take trips by car more than plane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful that the kids on free lunch these days don’t have to let other people know. When I was in school it was always made painfully obvious. You had to verbally tell the lunch people your name and they had a physical list. It was horrible.

YES! we had this set of tickets. if you lost your ticket you were SOL. it was such a crappy system.

One thing I realize, there was always someone worse off than us. We had warm coats in the winter, hand me down bikes - but we had bikes. And with some many other poor kids at school, none of us really stood out. The ones that stood out were the ones that name brands (Liz Claiborne. it was the 80s)

[Anonymous]

Clothes: I went ahead and bought my kids name brand clothes, I hated my Kmart and bargain rack ill fitting clothes. I pretty much only buy name brand for myself, but I do find quality in lower brands.

Shoes: I can't see spending money on expensive purses or shoes -- like thousands. I used to buy man made material shoes. I hated how my fake leather boots looked. But now I can't stand how fake leather shoes feel and will only buy leather shoes. I $200-$300 purses while most women in my bracket have purses $3000.

make

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of your stories are familiar! We were really poor, and get bags of clothes from relatives with older kids. The shirts had big pit stains, rips, worn out. Now when I donate clothes, if I wouldn't put it on or have my kid wear it, I use it for rags. I donate the clothes she grows out of, but are still in perfect shape (thankfully she isn't tough on clothing). I feel it's really disrespectful to think that just because someone is poor that they should take your garbage stuff.

My best friend as a kid - she wasn't poor but her dad was a notorious cheapskate. the rule for toilet paper was - 1 square for pee. 2 squares for poo. IDK how he regulated. LOL.

Now I used odds and ends for cooking (utensils) and my husband will say - why don't you use X (like spatula, for instance) and I say I don't have one. He says - well buy one! It doesn't occur to me because I always had to make do.

Another thing was I got my first job in 8th grade (delivering newspapers), then I worked in for the city (there was a poor kid program) at 14. As soon as I started working my mother made me pay "room and board".

My child has everything she needs, and then some. Lots of underwear, socks, bras. Sheets that MATCH with their pillowcases and even the blankets!

I remember we needed to bring a watercolor set to school in 5th grade. I didn't ask my mother, because I knew we didn't have the money. Every day the teacher would ask why I didn't bring it in. I was the only kid in the class without it.

it never leaves you.

Yes, same.

Grateful for all the teachers in my life with enough SEL/EQ to know the answer after the first time questioning, or the second, then to have the object in question, perhaps not new or maybe only a rough semblance, show up in my desk or in the pile with my name on it.

My teachers in fairfax county NEVER let up on me even when I told them I DID ask for these things and my parent never bought them, they actively shamed me in class. I have never got over it. It does stay with you. Also asking for A SHEET of paper from other students was humiliating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful that the kids on free lunch these days don’t have to let other people know. When I was in school it was always made painfully obvious. You had to verbally tell the lunch people your name and they had a physical list. It was horrible.

Thats how it was when I was younger too. DH school had colored paper cards (bright yellow) for the free lunch kids. Terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of your stories are familiar! We were really poor, and get bags of clothes from relatives with older kids. The shirts had big pit stains, rips, worn out. Now when I donate clothes, if I wouldn't put it on or have my kid wear it, I use it for rags. I donate the clothes she grows out of, but are still in perfect shape (thankfully she isn't tough on clothing). I feel it's really disrespectful to think that just because someone is poor that they should take your garbage stuff.

My best friend as a kid - she wasn't poor but her dad was a notorious cheapskate. the rule for toilet paper was - 1 square for pee. 2 squares for poo. IDK how he regulated. LOL.

Now I used odds and ends for cooking (utensils) and my husband will say - why don't you use X (like spatula, for instance) and I say I don't have one. He says - well buy one! It doesn't occur to me because I always had to make do.

Another thing was I got my first job in 8th grade (delivering newspapers), then I worked in for the city (there was a poor kid program) at 14. As soon as I started working my mother made me pay "room and board".

My child has everything she needs, and then some. Lots of underwear, socks, bras. Sheets that MATCH with their pillowcases and even the blankets!

I remember we needed to bring a watercolor set to school in 5th grade. I didn't ask my mother, because I knew we didn't have the money. Every day the teacher would ask why I didn't bring it in. I was the only kid in the class without it.

it never leaves you.

Yes, same.

Grateful for all the teachers in my life with enough SEL/EQ to know the answer after the first time questioning, or the second, then to have the object in question, perhaps not new or maybe only a rough semblance, show up in my desk or in the pile with my name on it.

My teachers in fairfax county NEVER let up on me even when I told them I DID ask for these things and my parent never bought them, they actively shamed me in class. I have never got over it. It does stay with you. Also asking for A SHEET of paper from other students was humiliating.

watercolor PP here. when we went to public, my mother refused to buy ANY supplies. she said it was the school/district's responsibility. humiliating scrounging for paper/folders/pencils. trapper keeper? not for this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So many of your stories are familiar! We were really poor, and get bags of clothes from relatives with older kids. The shirts had big pit stains, rips, worn out. Now when I donate clothes, if I wouldn't put it on or have my kid wear it, I use it for rags. I donate the clothes she grows out of, but are still in perfect shape (thankfully she isn't tough on clothing). I feel it's really disrespectful to think that just because someone is poor that they should take your garbage stuff.

My best friend as a kid - she wasn't poor but her dad was a notorious cheapskate. the rule for toilet paper was - 1 square for pee. 2 squares for poo. IDK how he regulated. LOL.

Now I used odds and ends for cooking (utensils) and my husband will say - why don't you use X (like spatula, for instance) and I say I don't have one. He says - well buy one! It doesn't occur to me because I always had to make do.

Another thing was I got my first job in 8th grade (delivering newspapers), then I worked in for the city (there was a poor kid program) at 14. As soon as I started working my mother made me pay "room and board".

My child has everything she needs, and then some. Lots of underwear, socks, bras. Sheets that MATCH with their pillowcases and even the blankets!

I remember we needed to bring a watercolor set to school in 5th grade. I didn't ask my mother, because I knew we didn't have the money. Every day the teacher would ask why I didn't bring it in. I was the only kid in the class without it.

it never leaves you.

Yes, same.

Grateful for all the teachers in my life with enough SEL/EQ to know the answer after the first time questioning, or the second, then to have the object in question, perhaps not new or maybe only a rough semblance, show up in my desk or in the pile with my name on it.

My teachers in fairfax county NEVER let up on me even when I told them I DID ask for these things and my parent never bought them, they actively shamed me in class. I have never got over it. It does stay with you. Also asking for A SHEET of paper from other students was humiliating.

watercolor PP here. when we went to public, my mother refused to buy ANY supplies. she said it was the school/district's responsibility. humiliating scrounging for paper/folders/pencils. trapper keeper? not for this kid.

PP here, SAME. Nothing I got no supplies. She would rant about how much the school expected people to buy and then buy nothing. And Fairfax teachers were ruthless to me same with the other students. I was treated bad and humiliated in front of everyone.

[Anonymous]

I was 12 in 1989. I had coke bottle glasses (my prescription now is -12.5). My brother was getting married and my soon to be (and still a bi+ch) SIL asked in front of me "Larla won't have to wear her glasses down the aisle, will she?" My mom announced, "Larla is getting contacts". I had no idea that this was a possibility. My parents hated that I had to wear these things and saved up for them. I knew what a big deal this was, and how expensive it was. To this day- I have never ripped a contact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of mine are food related:

EVERYONE gets a drink at a restaurant. Kids want a Shirley Temple? Fine. Get a refill!

We don’t often WANT it, but dessert is an option that’s always on the table. Same with appetizers.

I will splurge on expensive spaghetti sauce and nicer pasta. I buy REAL Parmesan. I spend a small fortune on good EVOO. We buy the expensive ice cream. We eat some form of meat almost every single day. I buy giant roasts or steaks for the weekend. Quality cheeses, fancy crackers, nice cured meats. Things like that.

But I also panic like you about “worst case scenarios”. I have a number I like to keep in savings and I panic if something take us below it.

🐷

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so grateful that the kids on free lunch these days don’t have to let other people know. When I was in school it was always made painfully obvious. You had to verbally tell the lunch people your name and they had a physical list. It was horrible.

I have the opposite take. My brother and I were the ONLY ones in our school getting free breakfast and lunch. The humiliation gave me a lot of motivation to change my situation. Poverty is not the kids' fault, but letting other people pick up your tab shouldn't be totally normalized.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up comfortable, but both parents told countless stories of hardship during the Depression & WWII. I embarrass wife & adult kids by wearing clothes that are falling apart & have food stains on them. My father died 20 yrs ago & I still wear some of his clothes. I’m in mid 60s & it drives me crazy to buy clothes I think I won’t live long enough to completely wear out.

I save up clothes that are on their last legs, & wear them whenever I travel (for a funeral or wedding—I never take an actual “vacation “), I wear them one last time & throw them away, so I’m not lugging around dirty clothes.

I grew up poor, but there is no need to wear stained and "falling apart" clothes. Go to the thrift store and find something decent. If I was your wife, I would be tossing these things in the trash.

My DH wears “falling apart” stuff not because he was poor, but because he finds it comfortable. I would love to throw it all away, but I won’t—because if you respect your partner you don’t “toss” things they choose to keep.

But if you respect your partner, you don’t wear stained and torn clothing, even if poor.

NP. What I put on my body has nothing to do with respect for my partner.

stains? glad that you aren't my partner