If you grew up poor…

[Anonymous]

Oddly, how much money you have doesn't seem to be correlated with how poor/rich you feel. My parents didn't have much starting out but we never noticed, we had whatever we needed, we were happy with less by today's standards. Now I have more money than they did, but feel poor. On paper I'm rich but can't afford to buy a home in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oddly, how much money you have doesn't seem to be correlated with how poor/rich you feel. My parents didn't have much starting out but we never noticed, we had whatever we needed, we were happy with less by today's standards. Now I have more money than they did, but feel poor. On paper I'm rich but can't afford to buy a home in this area.

If you always had everything you needed that’s all that mattered. Many of us grew up severely poor and did not in fact have everything we needed. And renting is just fine. I mean, my parents never owned a home when I was growing up and still don’t.

It’s not a need, but I never got yearbooks growing up because my parents couldn’t afford them. I asked for a yearbook every year. I got a job when I was 16 so I was able to get one my junior and senior year at least. I get my kids yearbooks every year.

[Anonymous]

I can’t accept free food. Even if it’s at a fancy event, even if everybody else is helping themselves. I always say I’m not hungry because I feel so much shame any time I accept free food.

[Anonymous]

My kids go to activities and they have REAL PAJAMAS. Not cutoff sweatpants. Not cutoff jeans. Fitted sheets and pillows. We have headboards not mattresses on the floor. I have my first real bed. I have never had baloney in my house ever. It’s not allowed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Most of mine are food related:

EVERYONE gets a drink at a restaurant. Kids want a Shirley Temple? Fine. Get a refill!

We don’t often WANT it, but dessert is an option that’s always on the table. Same with appetizers.

I will splurge on expensive spaghetti sauce and nicer pasta. I buy REAL Parmesan. I spend a small fortune on good EVOO. We buy the expensive ice cream. We eat some form of meat almost every single day. I buy giant roasts or steaks for the weekend. Quality cheeses, fancy crackers, nice cured meats. Things like that.

But I also panic like you about “worst case scenarios”. I have a number I like to keep in savings and I panic if something take us below it.

We were separated at birth.

My dad used to stretch salad dressing but putting a few tablespoons of tap water in the bottle just as it was getting empty. He'd shake it up and pretend it was still good. My kids won't ever have diluted dressing.

+1 I won’t ever have diluted dish detergent. I will however put bread in the freezer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm opposite you on clothes, OP. I wear and use things until they fall apart. DH just picked up my nail clipper and asked how old it was, because he claimed it looked worn. I got it around 12 or 13. He went to Target that week and got me a new one. I'm 46. He also nearly fell over when he found out my lip balms were about 5 or 6 years old. He bought me four new ones on that same Target trip and threw out my old ones. I only JUST last year got rid of the last of the white socks I had for gym in high school. I'm 47. When I finish a tissue box, I then use the box for trash before throwing it out. Still quite frugal, still take excellent care of everything I have because I appreciate everything I have so much.

I'm...confused.

Lol! I just turned 47 and am still not used to it. I am definitely 47. Sorry for the confusion - totally my fault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But you are not now, what are some things you do that you know are directly related to how you grew up?

Me: 1.if clothes have any holes or stains they go right in the trash or get used for cleaning rags. I had to wear clothes until they quite literally fell apart as a child and now have an aversion to the thought of wearing clothes in disrepair.
2. Consistently working through “worst case scenario” for every financial situation even if it’s hypothetical. Worst case scenario was often a reality growing up and honestly it’s just how my brain is wired now.
3. Buying store brand of most things. We rarely got name brand groceries/cleaning supplies etc…growing up but with experience I have learned that there is only a difference in quality in few items-mostly still buy store brand even though can afford to not.
4. Making sure my kids have actual brand name shoes. It’s seems so stupid but growing up I ALWAYS had Payless/k mart/walk at shoes and kids know. They just know. Did not having name brand shoes growing up make me a better person? No it didn’t-it just made me have to deal with teasing from other kids on the regular about my cheap shoes.
5. Still have a taste for cheap foods I grew up with. Rice/beans, grilled cheese etc…and eat them pretty regularly.

I was raised middle class in an underdeveloped country and now upper middle class in a developed country but no access to money or variety isn't an emotional issue for me. We tried to live the best life within our means we can then and do the same now. Fear of poverty has been a constant though never experienced it personally but parents did due to migration.

[Anonymous]

*but no, access to more money

[Anonymous]

I have a hard time lending things to people and I've always taken very good care of my things. It was drilled into me as a kid that if my stuff got ruined or lost, we couldn't afford to replace it. I would get anxiety as a kid if a classmate asked to borrow my markers at school. Even in college, I HATED when my roommates asked to borrow my clothes. I had to scrimp and save money to buy my clothing so it meant a lot to me and I couldn't afford to replace a ruined item. With my own kids, I've tried to teach them to be generous within reason because it's good to be kind, and to take care of their things because it's a good life skill to have, rather than doing so out of fear of being unable to replace the item.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in abject poverty, about as bad as it gets, and UMC now. I remember walking into English class in ninth grade and it was maybe March or April, still chilly but a few months after Christmas. Someone complimented our classmate on her beautiful sweater (it was very nice) and she said, “Thanks! I got it for Christmas but put it in my closet and forgot about it until I saw it this morning.” And I was FLOORED - and insanely jealous - at the idea of having so many nice clothes, you could forget about an expensive sweater. I just couldn’t imagine it. If I had anything even close to being that nice, I would’ve worn it the next day and probably many times after.

Since then, if I buy something, I can’t/won’t take the tags off or unwrap it until I’m sure I need it. I don’t buy things just to keep them in my closet with tags on, but there’s something about knowing I can have things I don’t need right away. So tags stay on until I need to remove them.

Technically I guess I’ve sort of left that somewhat behind - I definitely did it through my young adulthood. But these days I wfh full time and I have two 13 year olds, so of course I’d rather spend my money on them and not me.

I genuinely have tried not to spoil them but also make sure they have nice clothes, good shoes, a nice jacket, and AppleCash on their phones in case they need something when they’re out.

[Anonymous]

Couldn’t ask for what I needed including clothing or school related items. Started working at 14 not just for play money but to help to pay bills. Always worked while friends were having their teenage fun, but managed to graduate college. Yes, I toughened up.

Now for my kids, they will get what they need & want and college fund is prepared for them. They could focus on their study and sports, and not worry about helping the household.

I indulge myself and I’ll buy Sephora whenever I feel like to, travel, and relax with my furry friend. I think I’ve worked hard enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids always have snow pants and snow boots. Every year, every size. Good ones.

This makes more sense if you know I grew up in New England.

[Anonymous]

I overspend on my children's clothes. No flashy brands but needs to be new and well Madd. We buy used sometimes if especially like the piece or it fits well, but mostly new and plenty of it. My daughter has always had plenty and isn't materialistic about clothes. She has her preferred but is unfussy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of mine are food related:

EVERYONE gets a drink at a restaurant. Kids want a Shirley Temple? Fine. Get a refill!

We don’t often WANT it, but dessert is an option that’s always on the table. Same with appetizers.

I will splurge on expensive spaghetti sauce and nicer pasta. I buy REAL Parmesan. I spend a small fortune on good EVOO. We buy the expensive ice cream. We eat some form of meat almost every single day. I buy giant roasts or steaks for the weekend. Quality cheeses, fancy crackers, nice cured meats. Things like that.

But I also panic like you about “worst case scenarios”. I have a number I like to keep in savings and I panic if something take us below it.

This one resonated for me.
We were not super poor but grew up in TX knowing we were on a strict budget.
When we had ice cream in the house, it was this cheap Borden brand, but I had a friend whose mom splurged on Blue Bell, which was the gold standard in Texas. I was in awe.
Buying Blue Bell ice cream always makes me feel like I’ve hit the big time!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids always have snow pants and snow boots. Every year, every size. Good ones.

Funny. We were poor and lived around other poor people. My mom managed to score me a pair of used snow boots one year and remember fighting with her saying that I wanted to wear plastic bags over my shoes like all the other kids.