AITA - shared house thanksgiving edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t get it. 3 families and you’re not paying 1/3. Many meals will be had by the group and you’re paying for 1.

You’re giving yourself a lot of credit for what you’re paying for but I’m less impressed by your generosity.

OP here. 6 bedrooms, 4 families, and we are paying 1/4. I’m not saying we are subsidizing the trip, just that we made the choice to offer to pay 1/4 rather than dividing per bedroom or per person or per night. No clue how meals will be handled Monday through Wednesday, but we are paying for thanksgiving meal for 20, will be on separate adventures Friday day, and splitting a bill for a restaurant on Friday night. Again, not trying to imply we are the Thanksgiving version of Santa Claus, just getting accross that we were trying to be easy going with the financial split.

Just order a grocery delivery to the house for Weds night. If you’re flight gets delayed ask them to bring it in for you and put it aside. Put in whatever it is you want to eat while there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

Um, any conversation which doesn’t include one person saying “you will do this” or “you will do that” to another person? OP isn’t the Grand Poobah. Seriously, you think the script above is the only way to communicate your wishes?

NP. I see you still only criticized and didn't offer an actual example. Lay it out for us, unless you can't. Be specific.

Or dodge it again and just carp away.

Already answered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that say it's normal that OP's bedroom will be used in his or her absence. Not in my family, or my husband's family. My teens would NEVER use a bed that's not designated to them as for their use. They might ask to brush their teeth in a free bathroom if someone's using the other one, but they'll take their own towel and won't leave a mess.

I think OP is being perfectly reasonable.

And many of us can’t understand asking for a perfectly available room to not be used when you haven’t even arrived yet. This isn’t about mess - everyone has agreed the room should be cleaned before OP arrives.

I think you must come from people who clean well or you must not care that much about rooms being very clean. Generally when you rent a house, when you get there, it has been professionally cleaned. Some teenager doing a half assed cleaning job is going to be very different from coming into a nice clean professionally cleaned room

[Anonymous]

I feel you op.

Not the same situation but we had a house sharing where we paid 1/5 or whatever. Well the college dd of one family - there was a 6th room for her. The family paid a little more, they were getting two rooms.

The room for us / the room for her almost identical. You couldn’t really tell pros and cons until physically in the house. The pictures looked similar.

They were due to arrive a little before us. They wanted her to pick her room, but WE wanted to pick the room first. We had little kids, lots more stuff, tons of wet swimsuits we anticipated needing to hang to dry. We were paying adults, we had way more needs than college kid that could fit in anywhere. Besides, both rooms were great. Just let us get there, and make sure one doesn’t have a larger bathroom or bad light for a baby nap, right?

They made a whole thing about they were getting there first and she’d have to wait hours to settle in somewhere. I understand her perspective. But we weren’t that far behind, and coming from farther. They lived so much closer and are always pulling stuff like asking for early check-in. It’s not our fault we were coming later, we’d gotten up so early to drive.

It’s hard when these younger people almost feel entitled to stuff that they aren’t paying for. They couldn’t see that spending $$$$, we feel like we want first choice above a youngster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

No... it isn't.

NP and sorry but I disagree. I do think it’s unreasonable to ask that an available room be kept empty when so many family members are coming together to share a house, and not how you treat family. However, asking the room and bathroom to be cleaned and with fresh sheets is perfectly reasonable. Guess we will all have to agree to disagree but on this one, I do think OP is TA.

Cool. Well, you’re ridiculous.

DP

[Anonymous]

^pp, so I am also sensitive about situations where people who arrive first act like they own the place, and don’t consider that everyone’s trying to get there / can’t all get there at the same time.

It’s your room, they shouldn’t spread their stuff out like you’re taking a room that was theirs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

Um, any conversation which doesn’t include one person saying “you will do this” or “you will do that” to another person? OP isn’t the Grand Poobah. Seriously, you think the script above is the only way to communicate your wishes?

NP. I see you still only criticized and didn't offer an actual example. Lay it out for us, unless you can't. Be specific.

Or dodge it again and just carp away.

Already answered.

Nobody is surprised at the dodge, so. Carry on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

No... it isn't.

NP and sorry but I disagree. I do think it’s unreasonable to ask that an available room be kept empty when so many family members are coming together to share a house, and not how you treat family. However, asking the room and bathroom to be cleaned and with fresh sheets is perfectly reasonable. Guess we will all have to agree to disagree but on this one, I do think OP is TA.

Cool. Well, you’re ridiculous.

DP

So persuasive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that say it's normal that OP's bedroom will be used in his or her absence. Not in my family, or my husband's family. My teens would NEVER use a bed that's not designated to them as for their use. They might ask to brush their teeth in a free bathroom if someone's using the other one, but they'll take their own towel and won't leave a mess.

I think OP is being perfectly reasonable.

And many of us can’t understand asking for a perfectly available room to not be used when you haven’t even arrived yet. This isn’t about mess - everyone has agreed the room should be cleaned before OP arrives.

I think you must come from people who clean well or you must not care that much about rooms being very clean. Generally when you rent a house, when you get there, it has been professionally cleaned. Some teenager doing a half assed cleaning job is going to be very different from coming into a nice clean professionally cleaned room

It is, but let’s get real. If you are that particular, this entire set up is going to be a disaster and you should go to a hotel. Otherwise, a reasonable effort and cleaning the countertops and washing the sheets should suffice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

Um, any conversation which doesn’t include one person saying “you will do this” or “you will do that” to another person? OP isn’t the Grand Poobah. Seriously, you think the script above is the only way to communicate your wishes?

NP. I see you still only criticized and didn't offer an actual example. Lay it out for us, unless you can't. Be specific.

Or dodge it again and just carp away.

Already answered.

Nobody is surprised at the dodge, so. Carry on.

?? You asked for a script to communicate wishes more respectful, and were directed to a response that did just that. Saying “you will do this” to other adults is completely inappropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel you op.

Not the same situation but we had a house sharing where we paid 1/5 or whatever. Well the college dd of one family - there was a 6th room for her. The family paid a little more, they were getting two rooms.

The room for us / the room for her almost identical. You couldn’t really tell pros and cons until physically in the house. The pictures looked similar.

They were due to arrive a little before us. They wanted her to pick her room, but WE wanted to pick the room first. We had little kids, lots more stuff, tons of wet swimsuits we anticipated needing to hang to dry. We were paying adults, we had way more needs than college kid that could fit in anywhere. Besides, both rooms were great. Just let us get there, and make sure one doesn’t have a larger bathroom or bad light for a baby nap, right?

They made a whole thing about they were getting there first and she’d have to wait hours to settle in somewhere. I understand her perspective. But we weren’t that far behind, and coming from farther. They lived so much closer and are always pulling stuff like asking for early check-in. It’s not our fault we were coming later, we’d gotten up so early to drive.

It’s hard when these younger people almost feel entitled to stuff that they aren’t paying for. They couldn’t see that spending $$$$, we feel like we want first choice above a youngster.

I don’t know, I find you unreasonable. You can see windows in the pics and pics of the bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you op.

Not the same situation but we had a house sharing where we paid 1/5 or whatever. Well the college dd of one family - there was a 6th room for her. The family paid a little more, they were getting two rooms.

The room for us / the room for her almost identical. You couldn’t really tell pros and cons until physically in the house. The pictures looked similar.

They were due to arrive a little before us. They wanted her to pick her room, but WE wanted to pick the room first. We had little kids, lots more stuff, tons of wet swimsuits we anticipated needing to hang to dry. We were paying adults, we had way more needs than college kid that could fit in anywhere. Besides, both rooms were great. Just let us get there, and make sure one doesn’t have a larger bathroom or bad light for a baby nap, right?

They made a whole thing about they were getting there first and she’d have to wait hours to settle in somewhere. I understand her perspective. But we weren’t that far behind, and coming from farther. They lived so much closer and are always pulling stuff like asking for early check-in. It’s not our fault we were coming later, we’d gotten up so early to drive.

It’s hard when these younger people almost feel entitled to stuff that they aren’t paying for. They couldn’t see that spending $$$$, we feel like we want first choice above a youngster.

I don’t know, I find you unreasonable. You can see windows in the pics and pics of the bathrooms.

You couldn’t tell which was which. Many of the other pics were mixed up, but you could tell because of features.

BC layout was similar, you couldn’t really tell. One had an extra chair, useful to us. There were other things.

I could trust this family to decide HOWEVER they said we could come and always choose / kick her out if we really needed the room she was in.

That’s where, though I trusted them, I started questioning this process. I’d rather college kid not move in & wait a little while. I didn’t *want* to potentially kick her out. I didn’t also want to feel awkward about stating our choice and not kick her out / kick her out. Could she just wait until about an hour after check-in to let us pick? It also wasn’t our fault they wanted early check in and were able to get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that say it's normal that OP's bedroom will be used in his or her absence. Not in my family, or my husband's family. My teens would NEVER use a bed that's not designated to them as for their use. They might ask to brush their teeth in a free bathroom if someone's using the other one, but they'll take their own towel and won't leave a mess.

I think OP is being perfectly reasonable.

And many of us can’t understand asking for a perfectly available room to not be used when you haven’t even arrived yet. This isn’t about mess - everyone has agreed the room should be cleaned before OP arrives.

I think you must come from people who clean well or you must not care that much about rooms being very clean. Generally when you rent a house, when you get there, it has been professionally cleaned. Some teenager doing a half assed cleaning job is going to be very different from coming into a nice clean professionally cleaned room

It is, but let’s get real. If you are that particular, this entire set up is going to be a disaster and you should go to a hotel. Otherwise, a reasonable effort and cleaning the countertops and washing the sheets should suffice.

OP again. I get what you are saying, but, I promise, them cleaning the room is not an option. I’ve seen hotel rooms with these folks. I’m not that picky, but there is zero chance sheets will washed. It’s 50/50 on there being a semi made bed, full trash cans, and skid marks in the toilet. Lovely people…
Slobs!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel you op.

Not the same situation but we had a house sharing where we paid 1/5 or whatever. Well the college dd of one family - there was a 6th room for her. The family paid a little more, they were getting two rooms.

The room for us / the room for her almost identical. You couldn’t really tell pros and cons until physically in the house. The pictures looked similar.

They were due to arrive a little before us. They wanted her to pick her room, but WE wanted to pick the room first. We had little kids, lots more stuff, tons of wet swimsuits we anticipated needing to hang to dry. We were paying adults, we had way more needs than college kid that could fit in anywhere. Besides, both rooms were great. Just let us get there, and make sure one doesn’t have a larger bathroom or bad light for a baby nap, right?

They made a whole thing about they were getting there first and she’d have to wait hours to settle in somewhere. I understand her perspective. But we weren’t that far behind, and coming from farther. They lived so much closer and are always pulling stuff like asking for early check-in. It’s not our fault we were coming later, we’d gotten up so early to drive.

It’s hard when these younger people almost feel entitled to stuff that they aren’t paying for. They couldn’t see that spending $$$$, we feel like we want first choice above a youngster.

I don’t know, I find you unreasonable. You can see windows in the pics and pics of the bathrooms.

You couldn’t tell which was which. Many of the other pics were mixed up, but you could tell because of features.

BC layout was similar, you couldn’t really tell. One had an extra chair, useful to us. There were other things.

I could trust this family to decide HOWEVER they said we could come and always choose / kick her out if we really needed the room she was in.

That’s where, though I trusted them, I started questioning this process. I’d rather college kid not move in & wait a little while. I didn’t *want* to potentially kick her out. I didn’t also want to feel awkward about stating our choice and not kick her out / kick her out. Could she just wait until about an hour after check-in to let us pick? It also wasn’t our fault they wanted early check in and were able to get it.

Yeah. That’s pushy of them. I had a roommate do that. I’d been to one to secure the house but she was couch surfing so wanted to move in earlier.

She took the best bedroom and tried to store boxes in my room until I was sleeping there. It didn’t last long.

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the people that say it's normal that OP's bedroom will be used in his or her absence. Not in my family, or my husband's family. My teens would NEVER use a bed that's not designated to them as for their use. They might ask to brush their teeth in a free bathroom if someone's using the other one, but they'll take their own towel and won't leave a mess.

I think OP is being perfectly reasonable.

And many of us can’t understand asking for a perfectly available room to not be used when you haven’t even arrived yet. This isn’t about mess - everyone has agreed the room should be cleaned before OP arrives.

I think you must come from people who clean well or you must not care that much about rooms being very clean. Generally when you rent a house, when you get there, it has been professionally cleaned. Some teenager doing a half assed cleaning job is going to be very different from coming into a nice clean professionally cleaned room

It is, but let’s get real. If you are that particular, this entire set up is going to be a disaster and you should go to a hotel. Otherwise, a reasonable effort and cleaning the countertops and washing the sheets should suffice.

OP again. I get what you are saying, but, I promise, them cleaning the room is not an option. I’ve seen hotel rooms with these folks. I’m not that picky, but there is zero chance sheets will washed. It’s 50/50 on there being a semi made bed, full trash cans, and skid marks in the toilet. Lovely people…
Slobs!!

Since they are basically taking up half the house, suggest they pay your share and get a hotel.