AITA - shared house thanksgiving edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sibling, if Nephew 1 and Nephew 2 wind up using our room before we get there, please help them make sure they get it clean again before we arrive. That means all their stuff out, fresh sheets on the bed, fresh towels in the bathroom, sink/floor/toilet/shower clean again, etc. If this is too much hassle, they may want to just stick to their own room and bathroom. Considering how late we’re going to get in, we really don’t want to have to deal with changing the sheets and picking up after them when we arrive.”

And maybe causally mention to your mom to supervise this to make sure its up to your standards. Clean freaks usually dont mind cleaning a bit...

No, there is no reason for the teenagers not to be able to share a room for a couple of nights. The above quote gives them tacit permission to take over another room. No, just no.

[Anonymous]

Add cleaning wipes to the grocery order, and spend 5 min wiping down your bathroom. You have spent more time on DCUM about this than it will take to get the bathroom clean

[Anonymous]

Just bring a tub of cc and a bag of bagels jeez

[Anonymous]

My mother would have nipped my asking to use auntie’s roommates in the bud. I’m so sorry you were put in the position to say no. It’s a given. That’s your room. They have their own. Crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Add cleaning wipes to the grocery order, and spend 5 min wiping down your bathroom. You have spent more time on DCUM about this than it will take to get the bathroom clean

OP here. Yeah, but reading these posts is a lot more entertaining than cleaning a bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother would have nipped my asking to use auntie’s roommates in the bud. I’m so sorry you were put in the position to say no. It’s a given. That’s your room. They have their own. Crazy.

Right? I can't get over the way people are blithely assigning OP additional tasks to offset her extended family's self-absorption

[Anonymous]

Bring coffee and bagels with you -- that is the easy part. Try to be zen if they use your room (even though you are 100% within your rights to ask them to not use it).

[Anonymous]

I’m confused by the breakfast request. Are you saying you don’t want to contribute to groceries but do want them to buy you food? Just send $50 and ask for some extra items.

I think it’s reasonable to ask them to keep the teens out of your room. But I’d take some deep breaths on arrival if they haven’t listened. Then round up the teens who used it and hand them a Clorox wipe and ask them to clean up. I’d be more annoyed they’d dirty the sheets, TBH.

This is also why arriving at the start of the trip is usually a good idea. Leave early if needed, but get there the same day as everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I really don’t get it. 3 families and you’re not paying 1/3. Many meals will be had by the group and you’re paying for 1.

You’re giving yourself a lot of credit for what you’re paying for but I’m less impressed by your generosity.

[Anonymous]

You need to be firm and say you are paying for the entire meal and it cost XXX amount and paying 1/4 the cost. Each family gets one room and the two remaining rooms should be shared between all the kids or the family taking more rooms should pay more. Simple. Teens should not be in your room at all or they pay the extra nights and clean/wash the sheets.

[Anonymous]

JFC, just claim Covid and skip out on this nonsense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re giving yourself a lot of credit for what you’re paying for but I’m less impressed by your generosity.

This. You said you thought your mom was going to pay for Thanksgiving dinner and then she didn't so you just covered it. Does everyone else know that? Is there a reason you didn't have a conversation with your mom about it?

Your whole family seems pretty passive aggressive about money.

If you want them to get you breakfast food, just say, "Hey, for the 3 mornings we are there, we'd like (be extremely specific about what you want) to be available for breakfast. Please add it to the grocery order. I'm happy to kick in $50 for those breakfasts, though it would be great if you guys could cover it since my family paid for Thanksgiving dinner for everyone."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I really don’t get it. 3 families and you’re not paying 1/3. Many meals will be had by the group and you’re paying for 1.

You’re giving yourself a lot of credit for what you’re paying for but I’m less impressed by your generosity.

OP here. 6 bedrooms, 4 families, and we are paying 1/4. I’m not saying we are subsidizing the trip, just that we made the choice to offer to pay 1/4 rather than dividing per bedroom or per person or per night. No clue how meals will be handled Monday through Wednesday, but we are paying for thanksgiving meal for 20, will be on separate adventures Friday day, and splitting a bill for a restaurant on Friday night. Again, not trying to imply we are the Thanksgiving version of Santa Claus, just getting accross that we were trying to be easy going with the financial split.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re giving yourself a lot of credit for what you’re paying for but I’m less impressed by your generosity.

This. You said you thought your mom was going to pay for Thanksgiving dinner and then she didn't so you just covered it. Does everyone else know that? Is there a reason you didn't have a conversation with your mom about it?

Your whole family seems pretty passive aggressive about money.

If you want them to get you breakfast food, just say, "Hey, for the 3 mornings we are there, we'd like (be extremely specific about what you want) to be available for breakfast. Please add it to the grocery order. I'm happy to kick in $50 for those breakfasts, though it would be great if you guys could cover it since my family paid for Thanksgiving dinner for everyone."

We’ve done many big family vacations over the years (OP here again), without staying with each other, and the money has /never/ been a stress. We are pretty good about either just paying for stuff for everyone or being very clear when we aren’t willing to. Seriously, for all the family issues I have, we are quite functional sharing expenses! I really threw that in for context that I was nitpicking every aspect of this vacation… and the clean room was my area of pickiness!