AITA - shared house thanksgiving edition

[Anonymous]

Renting a house across the country with relatives - three other nuclear family units. We are the most well off, financially, and this trip means a lot to my mother - we are going to spend thanksgiving with older members of her famiky who can’t travel, so we didn’t want to nickel and dime things. House has six bedrooms, and we are totally fine with our nuclear family just in one, and we offered to pay 1/4 of rental price for simplicity. Due to work, most folks are arriving Monday and we arrive Wednesday night. Also of note, love my family, but they are total slobs!

We made two requests.

1) one of the other families has two rooms - one for parents, one for two teens. The teens assumed they could split up and use our room while we weren’t there. I said “no.” There is no way that room/bathroom won’t be a wreck when we arrive, and I’d like a clean space for the three of us.

2) another family is grocery shopping. We are paying for the full thanksgiving meal (ordered) and rest of families are splitting a grocery order bill for the rest of the week. We hardly need this, as we in the shared house for three breakfasts only, but it will be Wednesday evening before thanksgiving when we arrive. I appreciated the offer just to let us add to the order, but I asked if they could just add some coffee to the list if no one else wanted it around and maybe set aside some bagels or some cereal, so it’s there when we get there. Maybe I’m being too precious about this? But I have no way of getting food for Thursday and Friday morning short of bringing it myself, and I know from experience people will just eat what is there communally.

[Anonymous]

The teens will use your bedroom and bathroom, so just be ready for that.

If you want bagels, bring them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teens will use your bedroom and bathroom, so just be ready for that.

If you want bagels, bring them.

This.

[Anonymous]

It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teens will use your bedroom and bathroom, so just be ready for that.

If you want bagels, bring them.

This.

OP here, I am leaning towards just packing some breakfast staples for minimal drama, I’ll live if the milk and eggs are gone, but yeah, going to be a little ticked if we arrive 10pm at night to dirty bathroom and bedroom after specifically discussing it with parents. I know it /shouldn’t/ be about money, but, tbh, I wouldn’t have been a little less taken aback by the request if we didn’t pay 25% of the cost to spend half the nights in just one room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

OP here. I’m beginning to see why beach trips go south on a regular basis. You really think it’s reasonable for the family that already has two rooms for them to let their kids take over someone else’s room? I felt like a bit of “TA” after writing out the breakfast one, and already changed my mind on that, but I’m more surprised at this one. I’ve always considered myself pretty low maintenance, and have no qualms taking whatever bedroom no one else wants…. But I’d like it to be clean!

[Anonymous]

No one should use your room if you are paying of rit. Each family pays per room. Personally I'd get a hotel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

OP here. I’m beginning to see why beach trips go south on a regular basis. You really think it’s reasonable for the family that already has two rooms for them to let their kids take over someone else’s room? I felt like a bit of “TA” after writing out the breakfast one, and already changed my mind on that, but I’m more surprised at this one. I’ve always considered myself pretty low maintenance, and have no qualms taking whatever bedroom no one else wants…. But I’d like it to be clean!

Tell them to clean it before you get there. I don’t think you’re wrong to expect they won’t take it over I just think they won’t care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

OP here. I’m beginning to see why beach trips go south on a regular basis. You really think it’s reasonable for the family that already has two rooms for them to let their kids take over someone else’s room? I felt like a bit of “TA” after writing out the breakfast one, and already changed my mind on that, but I’m more surprised at this one. I’ve always considered myself pretty low maintenance, and have no qualms taking whatever bedroom no one else wants…. But I’d like it to be clean!

Tell them to clean it before you get there. I don’t think you’re wrong to expect they won’t take it over I just think they won’t care.

OP again. If they were the type to be able to use the bedroom or bathroom and get it back in even semi-reasonable shape, I definitely wouldn’t care. I’ve just seen their house, and vacationed with them at a hotel (and seen the hotel) and that ain’t happening. Lovely family, lovely kids, gross bathrooms.

[Anonymous]

Why can’t the teens clean the room and bathroom before you arrive? What on earth??

[Anonymous]

Oh, but I get what you are saying about bending to reality. It’s not worth drama for three nights. Thankful this holiday for ability to pre-vent here.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

+1. If I were you and already worrying about bagels to this degree, I’d pay the 25% but still book a hotel and stay there. Lower stress is worth the extra money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

OP here. This is for my mom, and it was her idea to rent a house. She’s actually much more of clean freak that I am. As in, I’m not aghast at some dishes in the sink overnight or crumbs on the counter/floor between meals. The kitchen situation is actually going to be much more interesting to watch.
We all actually get along really well on vacation with the expense sharing and activity sharing…but we normally have our own personal space to retreat to. Perhaps we won’t ever do this again?

I’m getting a kick out of this thread. It’s putting me in a better headspace for the whole experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

OP here. I’m beginning to see why beach trips go south on a regular basis. You really think it’s reasonable for the family that already has two rooms for them to let their kids take over someone else’s room? I felt like a bit of “TA” after writing out the breakfast one, and already changed my mind on that, but I’m more surprised at this one. I’ve always considered myself pretty low maintenance, and have no qualms taking whatever bedroom no one else wants…. But I’d like it to be clean!

You’re not TA for asking that your room be unused. But given that your family already asked to use it, I think you should just have low expectations and expect them to be TA.