AITA - shared house thanksgiving edition

[Anonymous]

NTA for either request.

1. Emphasize that you want a 100% clean room and bathroom. Don’t make it about money or refunds, but about your own comfort

2. If you are paying for all of Thanksgiving dinner it is reasonable to enjoy their order of breakfast food. Ask them to order enough for your family Thu-Sat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

[Anonymous]

I would never allow my teens to use your room and bathroom in this situation, whether you specified or not. What horrible manners! Same for the breakfast food - if they have run out by Thursday, what is everyone going to eat the rest of the days? I'm sorry that you are dealing with this OP - it does not sound like its going to go well. Is there not a grocery story someone can go back to for resupply?

[Anonymous]

Are you driving to this location? If so, bring some bagels, at least for day 1. The teens will never clean up after themselves. That need to stay in the own room.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

I can’t know I have the highest net worth, but I have the highest paying job by a long shot and make enough that avoiding drama by offering a per family split rather than per bedroom was not a real sacrifice for us.

As far as breakfast, here was thought process, understanding I’ve decided to let this one go. My kids (it’s me and two teens) generally do a carb (oatmeal, bagel, cereal) and some coffee for breakfast. I don’t expect there to be no food, but the
Other folks are big eggs, bacon, hefty breakfast people, and if I asked for what we really wanted - a can of Quaker Oats and a few bagels and cream cheese - it would also most certainly get used in the mix by Thursday morning. But I’m sure there will be something we can eat, so, again, letting this one go. (Unless bagels fit in my carry on)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you driving to this location? If so, bring some bagels, at least for day 1. The teens will never clean up after themselves. That need to stay in the own room.

No, flying cross country, arriving late on Wednesday night. We will have a car, but no idea if we could even get out to
Shop until Friday… when it’s kind of a moot point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I can’t know I have the highest net worth, but I have the highest paying job by a long shot and make enough that avoiding drama by offering a per family split rather than per bedroom was not a real sacrifice for us.

As far as breakfast, here was thought process, understanding I’ve decided to let this one go. My kids (it’s me and two teens) generally do a carb (oatmeal, bagel, cereal) and some coffee for breakfast. I don’t expect there to be no food, but the
Other folks are big eggs, bacon, hefty breakfast people, and if I asked for what we really wanted - a can of Quaker Oats and a few bagels and cream cheese - it would also most certainly get used in the mix by Thursday morning. But I’m sure there will be something we can eat, so, again, letting this one go. (Unless bagels fit in my carry on)

Is the house in Siberia? Just go Wednesday night or Thursday morning and get what is missing. Stores don't usually close until noon on Thanksgiving day. (You are NTA at all, I'm just trying to problem solve.)

[Anonymous]

Instacart from a local grocery store bagels and cream cheese or whatever else you want for delivery Wednesday afternoon/evening. You’re being too complicated about the food.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

I can’t know I have the highest net worth, but I have the highest paying job by a long shot and make enough that avoiding drama by offering a per family split rather than per bedroom was not a real sacrifice for us.

As far as breakfast, here was thought process, understanding I’ve decided to let this one go. My kids (it’s me and two teens) generally do a carb (oatmeal, bagel, cereal) and some coffee for breakfast. I don’t expect there to be no food, but the
Other folks are big eggs, bacon, hefty breakfast people, and if I asked for what we really wanted - a can of Quaker Oats and a few bagels and cream cheese - it would also most certainly get used in the mix by Thursday morning. But I’m sure there will be something we can eat, so, again, letting this one go. (Unless bagels fit in my carry on)

I think saying "Can you buy a can of Quaker Oats for us, and put it aside so we can have it Thursday?" or "We'd love a bag of cinnamon raisin bagels and some cream cheese for Thursday!" is reasonable. They asked you what to put on the list. Surely they didn't mean "What should we put on the list and then eat before you get there?"

I think "Can you make sure not to eat all the bagels and cereal?" is passive aggressive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

NP here. In my family, my siblings are insanely unreasonable and major takers so I would have to be very direct and specific with them using language like this otherwise they still convince themselves it’s ok. I don’t vacation with them anymore and I would never share a house with them because they’d be helping themselves to anything because “family”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NTA for either request.

1. Emphasize that you want a 100% clean room and bathroom. Don’t make it about money or refunds, but about your own comfort

2. If you are paying for all of Thanksgiving dinner it is reasonable to enjoy their order of breakfast food. Ask them to order enough for your family Thu-Sat

Op here. Totally agree with number 1. I already send a note to brother in charge of accommodations, as a reply to his original email way back when detailing all six rooms and who got what, just as a word to the wise, to please just set aside our room so it was clean and unused on our arrival. He’s the low drama brother so he will get it.

Paying for thanksgiving dinner was kind of an accident! The relative where we’re going for
Dinner for 20 is in no position to cook or buy dinner, so my mom
Offered to order an entire precooked grocery meal. Then she had trouble with the website, so I ended up ordering! She’s insanely generous financially with us on trips, so I’d feel like a jerk asking her to pay me back. We are lucky that on shared vacations money has never been a stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

NP here. In my family, my siblings are insanely unreasonable and major takers so I would have to be very direct and specific with them using language like this otherwise they still convince themselves it’s ok. I don’t vacation with them anymore and I would never share a house with them because they’d be helping themselves to anything because “family”.

That sucks. My teenagers would never even dream of asking to use someone else’s room. If someone else suggested it, they’d decline for fear that they couldn’t leave it pristine. I really can’t imagine my nieces or nephews taking my room or their parents being okay with that. There are huge differences from one family to another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you driving to this location? If so, bring some bagels, at least for day 1. The teens will never clean up after themselves. That need to stay in the own room.

No, flying cross country, arriving late on Wednesday night. We will have a car, but no idea if we could even get out to
Shop until Friday… when it’s kind of a moot point.

I’m sure there will be a convenience store between the airport and your destination that will have milk, cereal, yogurt, and probably even oatmeal packets/cups. Overpriced, yes, but available.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s too much to ask for your room to be unoccupied the time you aren’t there. I would just eat whatever they have around for breakfast.

No... it isn't.