AITA - shared house thanksgiving edition

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

Um, any conversation which doesn’t include one person saying “you will do this” or “you will do that” to another person? OP isn’t the Grand Poobah. Seriously, you think the script above is the only way to communicate your wishes?

NP. I see you still only criticized and didn't offer an actual example. Lay it out for us, unless you can't. Be specific.

Or dodge it again and just carp away.

Already answered.

Nobody is surprised at the dodge, so. Carry on.

You’re proving my point. Your unpleasant demands are not getting you what you want. Barking orders at people over whom you have no control is pointless.

NP - absolutely this. If someone, family included, told me "you will do this" and you will do that", I'd tell them to eff off just on general principle.

And the PP is ridiculous, and apparently can't conceive of a way to communicate with people other than barking orders at them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think a reasonable compromise would be to tell your sibling:

“You paid to arrive at a clean house with clean sheets on your bed and a clean bathroom. I also paid to arrive to clean sheets on my bed and a clean bathroom. If that doesn’t happen when I arrive, you will be refunding me partially for the room if your kids are responsible for messing up my bedroom and bathroom. If they do sleep in there, they will wash the sheets. If they do use the bathroom, they will clean it. Just as you would accept a partial refund if your rooms and bathrooms were dirty on arrival, so will I.”

Whoo, is this how people really talk to their family? I agree they shouldn’t use the room, but this script would start WWIII in my family.

In MY family, a reasonable request to keep teenagers out of my family’s room would be respected and enforced.

But if my family acted like OP’s and did whatever, they would be either cleaning fully or compensating me.

Sure, but you can frame it in a much nicer way than the PP above. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

OK, put your money where your mouth is and “frame it in a much nicer way.” Then we can pick it apart. There ya go.

Um, any conversation which doesn’t include one person saying “you will do this” or “you will do that” to another person? OP isn’t the Grand Poobah. Seriously, you think the script above is the only way to communicate your wishes?

NP. I see you still only criticized and didn't offer an actual example. Lay it out for us, unless you can't. Be specific.

Or dodge it again and just carp away.

Already answered.

Nobody is surprised at the dodge, so. Carry on.

You’re proving my point. Your unpleasant demands are not getting you what you want. Barking orders at people over whom you have no control is pointless.

NP - absolutely this. If someone, family included, told me "you will do this" and you will do that", I'd tell them to eff off just on general principle.

And the PP is ridiculous, and apparently can't conceive of a way to communicate with people other than barking orders at them.

By the same token, OP is now under no obligation to make good on her 1/4 payment if she doesn’t arrive to her fair share of a clean, unused room/bathroom in the house. So I guess when they tell her $X is due, she can pay $Y—or nothing—and tell them not to “bark orders” at her. Fair’s fair.

[Anonymous]

Room definitely shouldn’t be used. That is weird. I would never let my kids do that even if I were paying for the whole thing.

We often invite my family on a portion of our beach trip. My kids do not stay in the grandparents room before their arrival.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I tried to read this thread, but it was just too much. Maybe I've crushed my kids' souls, but they would know they don't get their aunt/uncle room for two nights - they just need to suck it up. And how is it hard for people to not read "Aunt Sally's bagels" on a bag and keep going. Again, maybe I've crushed my kids' and DH's souls but this seems pretty straight forward to me.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am like you, and so is my mom. Actually if I told my mom how I feel, she'd just clean it herself. Including changing/washing sheets. Then the young teens would feel ashamed and they'd clean too.

[Anonymous]

Why are there so many posts about gigantic extended families insisting on sharing living space for holidays beach vacations and so on?

Is this a cultural thing? You have to rent a giant house and have a bunch of people who do not normally live together all sharing in accommodations that overall are not nearly spacious enough? What culture is that?

It's about the money isn't it? You have a miserable holiday but hey you got a great deal on the rental because you packed in twice as many people as could reasonably expect to enjoy themselves?

You're not in your 20s and single with no money looking to party and just pack as many as possible into the hotel room.

STOP WITH THESE KIND OF POSTS BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. GET YOUR OWN EFFING ACCOMODATIONS. STOP SHARING NOT ENOUGH SPACE WITH WAY TOO MANY OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU CANT AFFORD MINIMALLY ADEQUATE ACCOMODATIONS WITHOUT SHARING. AND DINT BE EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED INTO IT. OR GO SOMEPLACE CHEAPER. OR DONT GO AT ALL.

ITS EFFING INSANE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FOLKS?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are there so many posts about gigantic extended families insisting on sharing living space for holidays beach vacations and so on?

Is this a cultural thing? You have to rent a giant house and have a bunch of people who do not normally live together all sharing in accommodations that overall are not nearly spacious enough? What culture is that?

It's about the money isn't it? You have a miserable holiday but hey you got a great deal on the rental because you packed in twice as many people as could reasonably expect to enjoy themselves?

You're not in your 20s and single with no money looking to party and just pack as many as possible into the hotel room.

STOP WITH THESE KIND OF POSTS BECAUSE THE ANSWER IS OBVIOUS. GET YOUR OWN EFFING ACCOMODATIONS. STOP SHARING NOT ENOUGH SPACE WITH WAY TOO MANY OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU CANT AFFORD MINIMALLY ADEQUATE ACCOMODATIONS WITHOUT SHARING. AND DINT BE EMOTIONALLY BLACKMAILED INTO IT. OR GO SOMEPLACE CHEAPER. OR DONT GO AT ALL.

ITS EFFING INSANE.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU FOLKS?

[Anonymous]

I don’t like sleeping on sheets that others have already slept in, and I don’t like using nasty bathrooms after others.

When I travel, I want my accommodations fresh and clean.

Tell the family with the teens to stay out of your space completely, otherwise make them pay for it and you pay nothing and go get a hotel instead.

That would be non-negotiable for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t like sleeping on sheets that others have already slept in, and I don’t like using nasty bathrooms after others.

When I travel, I want my accommodations fresh and clean.

Tell the family with the teens to stay out of your space completely, otherwise make them pay for it and you pay nothing and go get a hotel instead.

That would be non-negotiable for me.

+1

[Anonymous]

[google]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly I’d stay in a hotel in this situation. These families aren’t compatible and it is just going to be a high stress situation.

So would I. Especially if the teens are rude enough to use the rooms after you expressly saying no.