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That awkward moment when you realize you don't qualify as family
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Anonymous
| Definitely headed for divorce sans pie recipe. |
Anonymous
Umm why would you say that? Me and DH have a great marriage. Why would my mil be all buddy buddy with me then? |
Anonymous
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I feel sorry for your MIL.
She had such a great chance to have a nice, close relationship with you and she blew it up over a stupid recipe. That "family" recipe probably came off a can of condensed milk from 1955 or something. |
Anonymous
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I feel I should clear up some confusion. My DH and I have an excellent marriage and I always had a great or at least I thought relationship with my mil.
I am learning that based on MIL's words I am not family only blood family matters therefore since I don't qualify as family I am forever off the hook for family functions. DH is free to go see and talk to his mother as he pleases as I would never try to interfere with that. If he chooses on his own to cut bad due to her unkind words to his wife he's a big boy that's his own decision. Since blood is so important with her and I'm not family her words. I will give her all the time in the world to be with her "real" family her blood family. I will focus on my "real" blood family during those visits. If she asks DH where I am well mom you told my wife she isn't family and that only blood counts so she is giving you that time with your blood family and she is spending time with her blood family. Surely you can't expect her to put you ahead of her blood since according to you blood is more important? Cards, gifts, reaching out, shopping trips, phone call and texts will now all be DHs responsibility. It's not being petty or playing games it's simply listening to MIL's words and proceeding with the relationship accordingly. Focusing my energy on people who don't speak unkind to me and really value me and my feelings as a human. |
Anonymous
Meaning that my DH and I are not headed for divorce. |
Anonymous
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your DH should tell her how he feels about all this and that your feelings are hurt bc it sounded like to you she was saying you weren’t family. What she does next will be revealing.
Once you have more info you can decide what to do. Maybe it was a thoughtless comment. Maybe it’s how she feels. or maybe she has a superstitious reason she won’t give it away etc. who knows. People are weird. Don’t ruminate without more info. |
Anonymous
| Just like that Friends toll house recipe episode, I always raved about my mom’s chocolate cake. She gave me the recipe. Found out later it was from the Hersey cocoa label 😂 |
Anonymous
Was literally going to post this! Lol Have patience, OP, she’ll give the stupid recipe to your offspring and then you’ll realize it was the same recipe that everyone gets on the back of a can of pie filling or whatever 
But yeah, it’s not about the recipe. And it’s hurtful. Your DH should speak up and say something to his mom. |
Or have your DH ask for it. He's a blood relation.
Anonymous
Forget that. She can say “Sorry I’m only having family visit at the hospital” She can use the same word as MIL. No qualifiers. You reap what you sow. |
Anonymous
| My DH just told me a little while ago he decided to have a come to Jesus talk with his mom about her rude comment to me and he said he is going to tell her at the very least she needs to apologize to me. He is fuming. He said to say something this hurtful is very out of character for her which is really is at least from what I observed of her. So I'll keep you posted on what she says. |
Anonymous
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Let it go, it wont matter. Good news is that you now know where you stand and can choose a path forward.
We rented a vacation house and some close fsmily members ended up renting a mile away. This is an area they never go. Our times overlaped slughtly, but they did not want to meet up. That was a couple years ago, and now I no longer go overboard for them during the holidays. Win for me in the end since the effort was never appreciated. |
Anonymous
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I think the MIL is a jerk & it’s totally fine to stop doing one on one stuff with her/text her. But I’d still go with DH to any family functions he’s going to - bc that’s what you do, as a couple. You go to family stuff together, bc you are a family. But you can absolutely cut out all the other stuff you had with MIL & just have a formally polite relationship with her at any event you attend with DH.
That’s what I would do, for what it’s worth. |
Anonymous
Why would you respond to this?! |
Anonymous
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The moment of non blood relative or outsider or totally rude self-centered in laws?
When we went to their home 3000 miles away and all the framed pictures, screensavers, and magnets were only of their sons with the grandkids. No wives or full family photos. It literally looks like their sons are widowed or divorced with kids. |
Anonymous
| It’s sad MIL thinks family is blood. What if you decide to adopt? Would she not consider the baby her grandchild? She sounds awful. It’s not about the pie. It’s about how she treats you. Your relationship is not as great as you think it is. She’s faking it. You have to decide which battle to fight or just move on and accept the what she really thinks of you. Google the pie recipe. It’s out there |