Two working parent chaos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

You vegan?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

I'd get rid of a kid before I'd get rid of my dog!

Gross

No, It is gross how people are suggesting to just get rid of a dog. Not to mention, it’s an insanely stupid suggestion. There are so many other time saving things that come at less emotional cost.

PP’s joke does not bother me at all, on the other hand.

It isn’t gross to suggest it. Pets are a luxury item that require lots of money AND time. You might have one but not the other. It sounds like OP is short of time and maybe she can’t afford having a pet right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

I'd get rid of a kid before I'd get rid of my dog!

Haha +1!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

So sorry for your loss PP! I totally get it - when our dog passed away we didn't get one for a while, in part because we were so sad but also because we knew all too well how much work it is! Especially a puppy or younger dog.

+1. You shouldn't get a dog EVER. If you couldn't handle a dog in two parent dual-income household why would you think you could handle an animal at any point? Animals aren't disposable. It's traumatic for dogs to be ripped from a family and go to a shelter or rescue. They're confused and scared and there is a crisis right now at animal shelters. Many dogs will wait in shelters for years and not get adopted and many dogs at kill shelters will be euthanized. Anyone who pretends to be blind to this reality when they give up a pet is irresponsible.

You and the PP deserve an award for stupidity. Grow a brain before posting. My dog just died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

Op here. This is helpful perspective. My youngest has SN so that adds a lot to my mental load as well as some additional hands on parenting issues because he is nowhere near as independent as a neurotypical kid his age. I do get worried thinking about the future because I think his needs could increase or change in a way that requires more physical presence from me but we also need the $$ we are spending on speech! I really wish I could scale back but my current job doesn't lend itself to that so I'd need to make a move.

OP, SN adds a ton to your mental load. Don't underestimate that. And yes, we outsource cleaning and yard work, but couldn't if we were paying for speech or therapy like you! One thing I'd suggest is to lean into carpooling as much as possible once your 7 year old starts the weeknight activity routine. Kids love it and it helps the parents so much.

And what kind of dog do you have and how old is it? We have two dogs and while young dogs are crazy and require a ton of stimulation, ours settled way down once they hit 4-5 years old. Totally depends on the breed though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:2-3 bedroom apartment and no dog would help.
We wake up 30 minutes before school starts. Driving to school takes 3 minutes. Used to live even closer.
Kids don't want to hang out with parents.

Are you saying the bolded is your method for lessening the chaos? That’s sad and, in my experience, unusual.

Yeah, that's extremely unusual for 7 and 4.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

I read the PP as her dog having passed away recently…

Same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think almost everyone is missing the point here - yes it is like this OP. It is hectic and hard. Especially with no family to help. You can make some things easier but it’s always a juggle at this stage. A housekeeper or dog walker does not fundamentally change the fact that you have a lot of responsibilities. It is particularly hard if you both have demanding jobs. Flexible jobs are worth their weight in gold at this phase but you still only have so many hours in a day.

This. I think part of what’s hard is that I expected for some reason that things would get easier after the baby stage (dumb, I know).

My kids are also 4 and 7, both boys, and the last 3 years of my life have been the absolute hardest. I can only handle one hour or one day at a time. I don’t know when it gets easier.

I think it got easier for me when mine were 8 and 9. Every stage has different challenges. It never got easy for me but it did get different and the challenges morphed into other challenges that at least I was fresh to dealing with.

The baby stage, you lose sleep and your back hurts and everything hurts, but there’s day care or the nanny.

They get older and there’s school with random holidays (and bullies), and you have to sort out afterschool pickup and care. They get still older and you’re worried about random predators on Roblox but all their friends play and they get left out if you don’t let them. You become a taxi to endless birthday parties and sports and orthodontist appointments. Etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

I wonder about carpooling—it seems way more stressful to me than having an invariant daily routine of pickup/dropoff where I’m only responsible for my own kids and don’t have to think too hard because every day is the same routine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

I wonder about carpooling—it seems way more stressful to me than having an invariant daily routine of pickup/dropoff where I’m only responsible for my own kids and don’t have to think too hard because every day is the same routine.

The 6:00 activities are no problem, it’s sports at 4:00 and the weekend activity that’s like 2 hours and just slightly too long to go home. I’m a big fan of carpooling, but live in an easy going area with more relaxed parents (compared to a lot of what I hear here). We’ve never had carpool drama and it means I only have to leave work early once every three weeks instead of coordinating call schedules with DH for pickup multiple times a week. For us, it’s less coordination because it minimizing the impact on my work schedule.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

lol come on

Is it not work for nanny and maid? Is it a hobby to leave their family and come card for yours?? Do they not get paid?

You people are so unbelievably obtuse. If your "job" is staying at home, you won't have the issues OP is discussing. Use some common sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

I wonder about carpooling—it seems way more stressful to me than having an invariant daily routine of pickup/dropoff where I’m only responsible for my own kids and don’t have to think too hard because every day is the same routine.

The 6:00 activities are no problem, it’s sports at 4:00 and the weekend activity that’s like 2 hours and just slightly too long to go home. I’m a big fan of carpooling, but live in an easy going area with more relaxed parents (compared to a lot of what I hear here). We’ve never had carpool drama and it means I only have to leave work early once every three weeks instead of coordinating call schedules with DH for pickup multiple times a week. For us, it’s less coordination because it minimizing the impact on my work schedule.

Yup, be smart about carpools -- if they are not really a help/solving a problem and/or are more trouble than they are worth, then don't do that carpool. But, for example, my DD has a particular activity that starts at 4:00 on Tuesdays and there are two other girls at her school who do this activity too. If they were to take the bus home, they wouldn't make it to the activity on time. So, to get the kids there, the moms need to leave or step away from work early, pick up from school, and drive them. We arranged a carpool so each mom needs to do this only once every three Tuesdays instead of every Tuesday -- and it's just one pick up (from school). It's AHHHHMAZING! We then each pick up our own kid from the activity when it's over.

[Anonymous]

Tru harder , OP. A two parent working family is the norm for this area and 99% have it figured out. Get organized and prioritize.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tru harder , OP. A two parent working family is the norm for this area and 99% have it figured out. Get organized and prioritize.

This is helpful advice, OP. Obviously not coming from some bitter old harpy who hates her own life and therefore has developed a need to see everyone around her be as miserable as she is…

[Anonymous]

OMG Carpool. That's the lotto right there. If you have an opportunity, must take. Because you don't always get that with all activities.

Listen up - every mom (ESP those with multiples) recognizes the value of carpooling and 99% of moms in my experience is willing to go that way! I'll share that I'm lucky enough to have a carpool for a practice for my kid's sports without having to contribute to the other 2 practices because there's no opportunity for me to get in on those with them. They are helping me out so much willingly and I cannot thank them enough. But I would do the same for another family

As 2 working parents - you accept and find enough help as possible. Outsource, no pets is actually helpful (logically speaking), as much as you can order out, etc. We spend a lot of money on things like this because ultimately, our happiness are truly worthy of our funds.