Two working parent chaos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

Lol, when I had school-aged kids I parented them, took care of the house, and held a full-time job. Just like most parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

Lol, when I had school-aged kids I parented them, took care of the house, and held a full-time job. Just like most parents.

That’s lovely but not all jobs are created equal. Some are more demanding than others which affects how much energy you have to put into childcare/household.

[Anonymous]

The good news, OP, is that lots of things will get easier soon, as your kids become more capable and independent. Mine are 7 and 9, and it is already so much more manageable than when they were 4 and 6.

For now, I suggest you let the house be a mess. Bring the kids with you to walk the dog and make it a bonding time. Do a B- job at work, and know that this is ok for a while. Remember, a B- is still above average!

Hang in there. It is hard, but it does get better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

Lol, when I had school-aged kids I parented them, took care of the house, and held a full-time job. Just like most parents.

Lol!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think almost everyone is missing the point here - yes it is like this OP. It is hectic and hard. Especially with no family to help. You can make some things easier but it’s always a juggle at this stage. A housekeeper or dog walker does not fundamentally change the fact that you have a lot of responsibilities. It is particularly hard if you both have demanding jobs. Flexible jobs are worth their weight in gold at this phase but you still only have so many hours in a day.

This. I think part of what’s hard is that I expected for some reason that things would get easier after the baby stage (dumb, I know).

My kids are also 4 and 7, both boys, and the last 3 years of my life have been the absolute hardest. I can only handle one hour or one day at a time. I don’t know when it gets easier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I mean, lots of people on this site say all kinds of things about SAHMs but it eliminates a lot of the sources of stress you describe. Totally understand if people want to or need to work, we each get to make our choices.

Mostly people are critical at SAHM who complain it’s so hard to SAH, when the alternative is generally worse (unless you have 60 hour nanny or governess)

Yeah but being critical of their feelings is silly and unkind. It’s not a competition. If someone says something is hard for them, can we not just respect that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think almost everyone is missing the point here - yes it is like this OP. It is hectic and hard. Especially with no family to help. You can make some things easier but it’s always a juggle at this stage. A housekeeper or dog walker does not fundamentally change the fact that you have a lot of responsibilities. It is particularly hard if you both have demanding jobs. Flexible jobs are worth their weight in gold at this phase but you still only have so many hours in a day.

This. I think part of what’s hard is that I expected for some reason that things would get easier after the baby stage (dumb, I know).

My kids are also 4 and 7, both boys, and the last 3 years of my life have been the absolute hardest. I can only handle one hour or one day at a time. I don’t know when it gets easier.

The way to make it easier is either one parent goes part-time and then has a huge chunk of free time every day to handle household/kid stuff, or you hire someone to help every afternoon/early evening. I do the former, have friends who do the latter and it absolutely makes things easier. That job is groceries/cooking dinner/scheping to activities/homework help/miscellaneous like halloween costumes and doctors appts and stuff.

I think there is just 15-20 hours of household/kid stuff that needs to get done (beyond sitting together at meals and going to bed). Either a parent can do it (very hard with a full-time job, doable with part-time or a stay at home parent) or you can hire someone to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think almost everyone is missing the point here - yes it is like this OP. It is hectic and hard. Especially with no family to help. You can make some things easier but it’s always a juggle at this stage. A housekeeper or dog walker does not fundamentally change the fact that you have a lot of responsibilities. It is particularly hard if you both have demanding jobs. Flexible jobs are worth their weight in gold at this phase but you still only have so many hours in a day.

This. I think part of what’s hard is that I expected for some reason that things would get easier after the baby stage (dumb, I know).

My kids are also 4 and 7, both boys, and the last 3 years of my life have been the absolute hardest. I can only handle one hour or one day at a time. I don’t know when it gets easier.

If you are dumb then so am I

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I mean, lots of people on this site say all kinds of things about SAHMs but it eliminates a lot of the sources of stress you describe. Totally understand if people want to or need to work, we each get to make our choices.

Mostly people are critical at SAHM who complain it’s so hard to SAH, when the alternative is generally worse (unless you have 60 hour nanny or governess)

Yeah but being critical of their feelings is silly and unkind. It’s not a competition. If someone says something is hard for them, can we not just respect that?

I mean yes but time and a place. This thread is talking about parents who both work. Go start another thread about SAH concerns.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The good news, OP, is that lots of things will get easier soon, as your kids become more capable and independent. Mine are 7 and 9, and it is already so much more manageable than when they were 4 and 6.

For now, I suggest you let the house be a mess. Bring the kids with you to walk the dog and make it a bonding time. Do a B- job at work, and know that this is ok for a while. Remember, a B- is still above average!

Hang in there. It is hard, but it does get better.

This is important. I’m constantly comparing my work performance to before I had kids. Back then I had incredible focus and was constantly thinking about how to solve big problems. I put in hours to go above and beyond. It got me where I am today and sometimes I feel like a fraud not having the same focus and not spending my off time noodling on work problems. But I am still by anyone’s measure, really good at my job, and that needs to be ok!!

[Anonymous]

OP- if you are both hybrid can you alternate your "in office" days? The WFH parent does drop off and pick up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

Lol, when I had school-aged kids I parented them, took care of the house, and held a full-time job. Just like most parents.

Congratulations. Here’s your award and the (anonymous stranger) validation you clearly desperately need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

I'd get rid of a kid before I'd get rid of my dog!

Gross

No, It is gross how people are suggesting to just get rid of a dog. Not to mention, it’s an insanely stupid suggestion. There are so many other time saving things that come at less emotional cost.

PP’s joke does not bother me at all, on the other hand.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

NP. Too late for that but I caution people against getting a dog. For this reason!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

You suck and sound miserable. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and no family help. And my husband and I both work and have a very clean home. I can’t figure out why people like you have kids.