Two working parent chaos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hopefully, some other parents can commiserate. I was back to the office today after a long weekend and am just exhausted by the chaos. DH and I are both hybrid and more days than not, we all have to get out of the house and do an approximately 45 min commute after getting the kids to school. We have a 7 and 4-year-old and a big dog. It feels like the house, kids, and work juggle is just impossible sometimes and we actually both have a ton of flexibility compared to what it could be. We have no family help though, and it feels like there is always something more I could/should be doing. My house is trashed, the dog wants a walk, my older child still wants to be hanging out with me, and I have work stuff I need to do before tomorrow. Is this just how it is?

It’s a stage of life, OP. You’re in a very busy phase.
Hire as much help as possible: cleaning, yard work, extra babysitters.
Can you afford doggie daycare? Even a couple of days a week can help. Is your dog still young? I had two giant Alaskan Malamutes when my child was born but they were absolute couch potatoes other than their walks.
Your 7-year old is old enough to help with picking up toys, and small chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I SAH. I’m not sanctimonious about it from a kid perspective. I just knew I would struggle in the situation OP describes. I even found it hard as a SAHM so I can only imagine working too. Yes, I know lots of people do it with ease. I now work PT with teens and still feel I would be stressed working FT.

It’s good for everyone to know themselves. Good job.

[Anonymous]

IMO, one parent has to be working at or near home to make this work once kids are in ES, even with before/aftercare. DH and I have taken turns choosing all/mostly WFH on our careers, and if we're both hybrid then we make sure not to be gone on the same day. You could replace WFH with a very short local commute. But it doesn't work to have 2 people with long commutes on the same day unless you have help.

Get before/aftercare for the 7 yo, and a midday dog walker. Daycare for the 4 yo should be either very near home or very near work.

Divide the daily chores - dinner, bath, bedtime, etc. Do menu planning and shopping (or grocery order) once a week so you always know what's for dinner.

And, take stock at work: make sure you are efficient during the day and then draw firm boundaries so it doesn't bleed into family time.

[Anonymous]

I think almost everyone is missing the point here - yes it is like this OP. It is hectic and hard. Especially with no family to help. You can make some things easier but it’s always a juggle at this stage. A housekeeper or dog walker does not fundamentally change the fact that you have a lot of responsibilities. It is particularly hard if you both have demanding jobs. Flexible jobs are worth their weight in gold at this phase but you still only have so many hours in a day.

[Anonymous]

Of course you should keep your dog.

One thing I would work on: this idea that you could/should be doing more. Don’t put this kind of pressure on yourself! Don’t compare your house and life to others. If your kids are healthy, attending school, and loved, you are doing better than many. If your house is disorganized or laundry needs to be done, don’t put yourself down over it. 7 year old wants more mom time? Grab the dog and go for a walk after dinner, let her scooter beside you, and make that be your bonding time. Look for ways to de stress. Outsource what you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should keep your dog.

One thing I would work on: this idea that you could/should be doing more. Don’t put this kind of pressure on yourself! Don’t compare your house and life to others. If your kids are healthy, attending school, and loved, you are doing better than many. If your house is disorganized or laundry needs to be done, don’t put yourself down over it. 7 year old wants more mom time? Grab the dog and go for a walk after dinner, let her scooter beside you, and make that be your bonding time. Look for ways to de stress. Outsource what you can.

+1 - we have let go of the idea of a clean house for the time being. We do only what is required for basic hygiene and then other stuff when we get to it. That helps!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

Who has 3 kids?

This is life mantra. Don't have 3 kids (unless one pregnancy resulted in multiples). 3 and 3+ parenting becomes more chaotic. Though Mama Duggar said that after 5 kids it becomes easier because older kids parent (and may molest) the younger kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

I'd get rid of a kid before I'd get rid of my dog!

Gross

You haven't met my dog!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get rid of dog. Outsource.

I'd get rid of a kid before I'd get rid of my dog!

Gross

No, It is gross how people are suggesting to just get rid of a dog. Not to mention, it’s an insanely stupid suggestion. There are so many other time saving things that come at less emotional cost.

PP’s joke does not bother me at all, on the other hand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

No, we just have less time to get the house chores done. Not every dual-income family makes enough to outsource everything, especially in a high COL area like DC. My SAHM friends have more frequent housekeeping help than I do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

Who has 3 kids?

This is life mantra. Don't have 3 kids (unless one pregnancy resulted in multiples). 3 and 3+ parenting becomes more chaotic. Though Mama Duggar said that after 5 kids it becomes easier because older kids parent (and may molest) the younger kids.

Unless I misread, op has 2 kids, not 3.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I mean, lots of people on this site say all kinds of things about SAHMs but it eliminates a lot of the sources of stress you describe. Totally understand if people want to or need to work, we each get to make our choices.

Mostly people are critical at SAHM who complain it’s so hard to SAH, when the alternative is generally worse (unless you have 60 hour nanny or governess)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

There we go, the SAHM martyr showed up right on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course you should keep your dog.

One thing I would work on: this idea that you could/should be doing more. Don’t put this kind of pressure on yourself! Don’t compare your house and life to others. If your kids are healthy, attending school, and loved, you are doing better than many. If your house is disorganized or laundry needs to be done, don’t put yourself down over it. 7 year old wants more mom time? Grab the dog and go for a walk after dinner, let her scooter beside you, and make that be your bonding time. Look for ways to de stress. Outsource what you can.

This is a very compassionate response. Not the OP but needed this today - thank you!!

[Anonymous]

That is just how it is, particularly with a commute and without the ability to outsource cleaning and dog walking. And just for context, we have local grandparents, but unless they live in your neighborhood, they really can't help with the day to day. Babysitting and dog walking, yes, but that doesn't help with the daily chaos. You're doing great and this stage won't last forever. Ignore the mess, take your kid on a walk with the dog, and put a movie on while you catch up on work. And if you can squeeze your budget for a monthly cleaning service, do it! Your house will still be messy, but it's a big help with the mental load.