Two working parent chaos

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

You suck and sound miserable. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and no family help. And my husband and I both work and have a very clean home. I can’t figure out why people like you have kids.

NP. I have 3 kids and I agree with the first poster. If you want to have 3 kids plus a sfh, it's going to be hard and you need to be hyper organized, plus a flexible job. I desperately want a dog, but I know that it would be more than my family can handle now.

Also, most people had 3 kids because they like hanging out with them. No one has 3 kids so that they can do extra laundry and cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

You suck and sound miserable. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and no family help. And my husband and I both work and have a very clean home. I can’t figure out why people like you have kids.

NP. I have 3 kids and I agree with the first poster. If you want to have 3 kids plus a sfh, it's going to be hard and you need to be hyper organized, plus a flexible job. I desperately want a dog, but I know that it would be more than my family can handle now.

Also, most people had 3 kids because they like hanging out with them. No one has 3 kids so that they can do extra laundry and cleaning.

OP doesn’t have 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

Op here. Thanks for the responses. I appreciate the commiseration and suggestions. We do need to be more deliberate about staggering our hybrid days. My DH’s schedule moves around a lot and causes some predictability issues. I also should probably think about outsourcing more. Laundry is a great idea.

I am not disorganized at work - quite the contrary. I think I am often trying to put in A+ pre-kids level effort when maybe that isn’t needed so examining that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two working parents? All parents are two working parents. If you are working elsewhere , someone else does childcare and house chores, if one is home, they do that work.

lol come on

Is it not work for nanny and maid? Is it a hobby to leave their family and come card for yours?? Do they not get paid?

[Anonymous]

It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:2-3 bedroom apartment and no dog would help.
We wake up 30 minutes before school starts. Driving to school takes 3 minutes. Used to live even closer.
Kids don't want to hang out with parents.

If driving to school takes 3 minutes you should walk or bike.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Thanks for the responses. I appreciate the commiseration and suggestions. We do need to be more deliberate about staggering our hybrid days. My DH’s schedule moves around a lot and causes some predictability issues. I also should probably think about outsourcing more. Laundry is a great idea.

I am not disorganized at work - quite the contrary. I think I am often trying to put in A+ pre-kids level effort when maybe that isn’t needed so examining that too.

Staggering helps a lot. Cleaning as you go and a family 15 min put stuff away dance before or after dinner helps. We have same age kids but no dog. There is laundry going every day, dishes are cleaned after every meal, dishwasher run at bight and dh empties it while making kids breakfast. We staggers tho and he starts his WFH at 6 am. Breaks for kid breakfast at 7:30 and bus stop and goes back to work by 8:45. On WOH days, he is gone by 6 so he can be back by 4:30. I do one drop off and have a short commute so at work by 8:30. Im home by 5:30 given the short commute and daycare on the way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Don't have three kids.
-Don't have pets (especially a dog)
-Declutter and minimize stuff
- Outsource chores. Don't outsource childcare.
- Send all clothes to the laundry, so that it is clean and folded.

You suck and sound miserable. I have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and no family help. And my husband and I both work and have a very clean home. I can’t figure out why people like you have kids.

NP. I have 3 kids and I agree with the first poster. If you want to have 3 kids plus a sfh, it's going to be hard and you need to be hyper organized, plus a flexible job. I desperately want a dog, but I know that it would be more than my family can handle now.

Also, most people had 3 kids because they like hanging out with them. No one has 3 kids so that they can do extra laundry and cleaning.

Well you suck too. Telling someone to get rid of their dog because they feel stressed by their life will not stop them from feeling stressed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really hard to be parents with dual power careers of multiple kids. Truly.

When they get to 5th/6th/7th grades, you will be carpooling and you need to make sure they are all good on the school fronts. They get easier in some ways but mentally, it's a lot harder. When they are young, you need to manage their food/sleep/play date routines. But the tweens/teens - you have to think about so many things - it really depends on what kind of kids you have and you just don't know that until they are there.

I would definitely suggest considering what life may look like in 5 years in context of your kids. You may think it's chaos now but let me tell you as a mom to a learning disability 8th grader and a high achieving perfect student but extroverted busy as all hell 6th grader, it isn't easier. It's different, it's manageable but I don't know that it's "easier" because I have a professional driver to go along with being a breadwinner

Op here. This is helpful perspective. My youngest has SN so that adds a lot to my mental load as well as some additional hands on parenting issues because he is nowhere near as independent as a neurotypical kid his age. I do get worried thinking about the future because I think his needs could increase or change in a way that requires more physical presence from me but we also need the $$ we are spending on speech! I really wish I could scale back but my current job doesn't lend itself to that so I'd need to make a move.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

+1. You shouldn't get a dog EVER. If you couldn't handle a dog in two parent dual-income household why would you think you could handle an animal at any point? Animals aren't disposable. It's traumatic for dogs to be ripped from a family and go to a shelter or rescue. They're confused and scared and there is a crisis right now at animal shelters. Many dogs will wait in shelters for years and not get adopted and many dogs at kill shelters will be euthanized. Anyone who pretends to be blind to this reality when they give up a pet is irresponsible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

I read the PP as her dog having passed away recently…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

What kind of a moron are you?
My beloved dog died 6 weeks ago, and I said we will not be getting a new dog again because our lives are more hectic and we will not be able to do justice to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Who was that person that said you can have it all, just not all at once?
OP, many of us face what you are going through. I have learned to accept that everything won’t be perfect and I’ve had to pick and choose what gets priority and what falls through the cracks. We have a bi-weekly cleaner and a yard service so the house looks minimally decent. But there’s still laundry and dishes and everyday pickup after the kids finish playing. So my home is never going to look Instagram-worthy. That’s fine, I’d rather have the time with the kids.
I could spend weekends cleaning and organizing but we try to do family activities. I keep meals simple. Until recently we had a huge dog as well.My DH does help but it’s still a lot. We also won’t be getting a new dog anytime soon.

You couldn't just get a dog walker? Who are all these people who buy or adopt dogs and then realize after a few years that they don't want them. You are so irresponsible and selfish. I just can't. There is really a special place in hell for someone like you.

+1. You shouldn't get a dog EVER. If you couldn't handle a dog in two parent dual-income household why would you think you could handle an animal at any point? Animals aren't disposable. It's traumatic for dogs to be ripped from a family and go to a shelter or rescue. They're confused and scared and there is a crisis right now at animal shelters. Many dogs will wait in shelters for years and not get adopted and many dogs at kill shelters will be euthanized. Anyone who pretends to be blind to this reality when they give up a pet is irresponsible.

You and the PP deserve an award for stupidity. Grow a brain before posting. My dog just died.