Parents of three, do you feel less bonded to your third?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Being the middle literally stopped me from creating one. My kids are 6 years apart, so same distance between oldest and youngest in my family of origin but without the middle.

Only way I would have had 3 is of the youngest were twins. That didn't happen. My oldest is responsible and independent. I do find I spoil the little one a bit more and she also is the jokester in the family. I do fancy dinner dates with the older so she also gets plenty of my attention and time. Never would I have a 3rd!!! Not enough time to do right by everyone.

I feel the same although I was not a middle child. Between my two kids (who are teens now), managing the house, giving satisfactory attention to my marriage, my extended family, my own friends, I am completely tapped out and always feel “behind.” I am truly in awe how the 3+ people do it. And some seem to do it fairly well! Bully for them I guess, I just am not made of that stuff.

[Anonymous]

No my third is a delight. Of course it helps that the middle is a Pita.

[Anonymous]

No one is going to admit to this, just like no parent will admit having 1 too many kids (whatever that number is for them.)

A wise parent once told me the perfect number of kids is .5 less than the number you ended up with. (Because after the previous kid you thought you needed another, but turns out another whole child was too much. It’s a joke obv.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No my third is a delight. Of course it helps that the middle is a Pita.

Lots of middle kids are a PITA. It totally sucks that they need things like emotional support, love, time, not to mention resources that cost money. You would have so much more to dedicate to the children you actually love if you didn't make the mistake of having that middle child. Now your stuck with a little leach draining your time, energy, and resources. I wonder why they're such a pain...

Oh, but you insist you don't treat them poorly and they don't know what you really think. Right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No my third is a delight. Of course it helps that the middle is a Pita.

Lots of middle kids are a PITA. It totally sucks that they need things like emotional support, love, time, not to mention resources that cost money. You would have so much more to dedicate to the children you actually love if you didn't make the mistake of having that middle child. Now your stuck with a little leach draining your time, energy, and resources. I wonder why they're such a pain...

Oh, but you insist you don't treat them poorly and they don't know what you really think. Right?

This, exactly. When a parent says a child is "a PITA" what they mean is "they need things I don't want or can't give them." Well whose fault is that? They are a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the middle child you lose the bond with, if you had it to begin with. The baby is often the favorite, or the one you are most connected to. The middle loses their role.

Yup. It is why I stopped at two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No my third is a delight. Of course it helps that the middle is a Pita.

Lots of middle kids are a PITA. It totally sucks that they need things like emotional support, love, time, not to mention resources that cost money. You would have so much more to dedicate to the children you actually love if you didn't make the mistake of having that middle child. Now your stuck with a little leach draining your time, energy, and resources. I wonder why they're such a pain...

Oh, but you insist you don't treat them poorly and they don't know what you really think. Right?

This, exactly. When a parent says a child is "a PITA" what they mean is "they need things I don't want or can't give them." Well whose fault is that? They are a child.

I’ll be the first to admit my second child is very high maintenance. She’s lovely, but just needs more everything (patience, instruction, reminders, hand holding, emotional support, etc.) than her sister. There is no way she or we could handle another one younger than she is, making her the middle. As it is we are stretched thin with her and also trying not to short change our older one too much. Of course it still happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No my third is a delight. Of course it helps that the middle is a Pita.

Lots of middle kids are a PITA. It totally sucks that they need things like emotional support, love, time, not to mention resources that cost money. You would have so much more to dedicate to the children you actually love if you didn't make the mistake of having that middle child. Now your stuck with a little leach draining your time, energy, and resources. I wonder why they're such a pain...

Oh, but you insist you don't treat them poorly and they don't know what you really think. Right?

This, exactly. When a parent says a child is "a PITA" what they mean is "they need things I don't want or can't give them." Well whose fault is that? They are a child.

I’ll be the first to admit my second child is very high maintenance. She’s lovely, but just needs more everything (patience, instruction, reminders, hand holding, emotional support, etc.) than her sister. There is no way she or we could handle another one younger than she is, making her the middle. As it is we are stretched thin with her and also trying not to short change our older one too much. Of course it still happens.

Thank goodness (for her sake) you didn't try for a boy the way many families do.

[Anonymous]

The self righteousness of parents with two or less children commenting on this thread is laughable. The subject is "Parents of three...." and yet here you are, four pages into it with these mean and usless comments. Go away!

Three is perfect and I believe there's a season for every child; give yourself grace OP - we all have a stage that is hardest for us to parent and that usually makes the bonding harder as well. I have three, all the same gender and while every relationship is different, I believe they'd all say they are the favorite or least favorite depending on the day.

[Anonymous]

I have 3 and feel equally bonded to each - they are all very different people and interact with me differently but not more or less "bonded".

I was the oldest of 4 and would argue my parents were closer to 3 and 4 than the first two where I was sort of like a home grown au pair from age 10 on, but I don't think that mindset is as prevalent today as it was in the '80s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have 3 and feel equally bonded to each - they are all very different people and interact with me differently but not more or less "bonded".

I was the oldest of 4 and would argue my parents were closer to 3 and 4 than the first two where I was sort of like a home grown au pair from age 10 on, but I don't think that mindset is as prevalent today as it was in the '80s

Yes, it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bond to each is definitely different but of equal (and breathtakingly strong).

This. That being said, I have 2.5-3.5 years between each kid so they all had time to be the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope, I’m closest (if I’m forced to choose) to the third.

+1 usually the baby is the favorite!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The self righteousness of parents with two or less children commenting on this thread is laughable. The subject is "Parents of three...." and yet here you are, four pages into it with these mean and usless comments. Go away!

Three is perfect and I believe there's a season for every child; give yourself grace OP - we all have a stage that is hardest for us to parent and that usually makes the bonding harder as well. I have three, all the same gender and while every relationship is different, I believe they'd all say they are the favorite or least favorite depending on the day.

Some of us are products of three children families and have some valuable insights. Especially if this influenced the number of children we have. So you go away and stick your head back in your echo chamber.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The self righteousness of parents with two or less children commenting on this thread is laughable. The subject is "Parents of three...." and yet here you are, four pages into it with these mean and usless comments. Go away!

Three is perfect and I believe there's a season for every child; give yourself grace OP - we all have a stage that is hardest for us to parent and that usually makes the bonding harder as well. I have three, all the same gender and while every relationship is different, I believe they'd all say they are the favorite or least favorite depending on the day.

They know exactly where they are in the pecking order, just as most of us did growing up. Do you really think that somehow you are in that top few percent of parents who manage to navigate this successfully? Judging by your blind spot to what grown children from 3 child families have to offer the conversation, i doubt it.

I'd believe it if I heard it from your children, unprompted, without your presence.