Parents of three, do you feel less bonded to your third?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

[Anonymous]

Oh FFS. Maybe it's just possible that we have happy and functioning families? Returning to the last page, a PP reminded posters to think of their own families. Many of us come from larger families (common in the 50s-70s) - can you seriously report that every family you know has one screwed-up kid? If so, that's sad, and I don't believe you.

I'm one of four, my DH is one of four, and we have tons of friends who came from much larger families that that. Most of us are content, successful, and industrious adults.

My kids are all doing well, no one is ignored, and everyone is employed and happy (even with LDs in the mix).

My "losing proposition" (3rd kid) is studying for one of her master's program classes today before going out with her sisters tonight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

And if I asked "parents of two, do you feel less bonded to your second" would a bunch of parents of onlies come in and said well what do you expect you should have stopped at one? My question didn't have anything to do with attention or "using" kids whatever that means. It's about how close to feel to each kid depending on their birth order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

And if I asked "parents of two, do you feel less bonded to your second" would a bunch of parents of onlies come in and said well what do you expect you should have stopped at one? My question didn't have anything to do with attention or "using" kids whatever that means. It's about how close to feel to each kid depending on their birth order.

I mean, you asked the question and it wasn't that specific. Unless you are knew to DCUM you should know that not all responses will be exactly what you were asking for. Big deal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

And if I asked "parents of two, do you feel less bonded to your second" would a bunch of parents of onlies come in and said well what do you expect you should have stopped at one? My question didn't have anything to do with attention or "using" kids whatever that means. It's about how close to feel to each kid depending on their birth order.

I mean, you asked the question and it wasn't that specific. Unless you are knew to DCUM you should know that not all responses will be exactly what you were asking for. Big deal.

In what ways is the question "parents of three, are you less bonded to your third" not specific?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

This seems crazy to me. I have 3 and not only do I genuinely really love our family size but I can’t imagine pulling people aside to whisper warnings about the challenges of 3. Not once has a mom of 4+ cornered me to tell me it’s a terrible idea to have more. Is this seriously happening to people?

Anyway, to the OPs question, I do not feel that I have any less of a bond with my youngest. They are all such unique people and we bond in different ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

This seems crazy to me. I have 3 and not only do I genuinely really love our family size but I can’t imagine pulling people aside to whisper warnings about the challenges of 3. Not once has a mom of 4+ cornered me to tell me it’s a terrible idea to have more. Is this seriously happening to people?

Anyway, to the OPs question, I do not feel that I have any less of a bond with my youngest. They are all such unique people and we bond in different ways.

I have. It’s usually when parents with one less talk about maybe having another and the friend with that many says “our last one really put us over the edge!” Or parents say things like, “After kid x we just had to embrace the chaos!” or “after kid two I could never keep up with the laudnry’l stuff like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh FFS. Maybe it's just possible that we have happy and functioning families? Returning to the last page, a PP reminded posters to think of their own families. Many of us come from larger families (common in the 50s-70s) - can you seriously report that every family you know has one screwed-up kid? If so, that's sad, and I don't believe you.

I'm one of four, my DH is one of four, and we have tons of friends who came from much larger families that that. Most of us are content, successful, and industrious adults.

My kids are all doing well, no one is ignored, and everyone is employed and happy (even with LDs in the mix).

My "losing proposition" (3rd kid) is studying for one of her master's program classes today before going out with her sisters tonight.

You can be all these things and still feel you were ignored or used....like me. I'm successful, happy, married, and feel like my parents could and should have done better. Just because no one is on jail or a screw up doesn't mean the world is roses! The world is varying shades of gray, not black and white.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

This seems crazy to me. I have 3 and not only do I genuinely really love our family size but I can’t imagine pulling people aside to whisper warnings about the challenges of 3. Not once has a mom of 4+ cornered me to tell me it’s a terrible idea to have more. Is this seriously happening to people?

Anyway, to the OPs question, I do not feel that I have any less of a bond with my youngest. They are all such unique people and we bond in different ways.

Really?!?!?

I had people tell me this too...

Years later I find myself also telling people this. Not uncommon at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

This seems crazy to me. I have 3 and not only do I genuinely really love our family size but I can’t imagine pulling people aside to whisper warnings about the challenges of 3. Not once has a mom of 4+ cornered me to tell me it’s a terrible idea to have more. Is this seriously happening to people?

Anyway, to the OPs question, I do not feel that I have any less of a bond with my youngest. They are all such unique people and we bond in different ways.

Really?!?!?

I had people tell me this too...

Years later I find myself also telling people this. Not uncommon at all.

When kids were young, I would say having 2 is a GameChanger. I have 3 now. No one told me not to have 3. Maybe because most people we know have 2.

[Anonymous]

I am most bonded to my third.

My first was very difficult. Difficult birth, difficult baby and he’s generally indifferent to DH & I. He has always preferred my mother and his nanny.

Our second is my lovebug and I had a much easier birth and bonded with him early into infancy. But he’s a wild one and won’t snuggle for long.

My third is my miracle girl. Two losses (8 weeks and 23 weeks) before we made her and she’s such an angel.

I love all my kids but IMO birth order doesn’t matter, but the child themselves.

[Anonymous]

If you ask ppl with 3 kids, they'll support, if you ask ppl with 2 kids, they'll oppose. Most ppl justify their actions to not only others but themselves as well. It helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am most bonded to my third.

My first was very difficult. Difficult birth, difficult baby and he’s generally indifferent to DH & I. He has always preferred my mother and his nanny.

Our second is my lovebug and I had a much easier birth and bonded with him early into infancy. But he’s a wild one and won’t snuggle for long.

My third is my miracle girl. Two losses (8 weeks and 23 weeks) before we made her and she’s such an angel.

I love all my kids but IMO birth order doesn’t matter, but the child themselves.

I feel sorry for your two older kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

Yeah, I’m sure they’re lining up in secret to tell you this. MANY of them.🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is going to admit that they use or ignore one or more of their kids, so this thread is kinda pointless.

I'm op. That's not what I asked, at all.

No one is going to admit what you asked, either. People on this board are way too sanctimonious to admit any failures. No one is going to say, "yeah, I think I had one too many kids."

I have had MANY parents of 3 corner me to tell me to knock it off after 2 and that a 3rd is a losing proposition. People on this board actually did confirm that's not uncommon.

This seems crazy to me. I have 3 and not only do I genuinely really love our family size but I can’t imagine pulling people aside to whisper warnings about the challenges of 3. Not once has a mom of 4+ cornered me to tell me it’s a terrible idea to have more. Is this seriously happening to people?

Anyway, to the OPs question, I do not feel that I have any less of a bond with my youngest. They are all such unique people and we bond in different ways.

NP and I’ve heard it too. Not constantly, but enough that it’s not just a fluke.