It is so much easier to be a good parent when not working

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And you haven't had the permanent loss of adult interaction, satisfaction, intellectual interest, maybe prestige that comes from work. And your DH hasn't gotten lazy and started treating you like a maid, secretary, and taskrabbit. Believe me, temporary PTO is nothing like the challenges of long term SAHM.

Why so so many women believe that other women aren't adults? Raising a child doesnt mean being locked in a basement.

Depends. I feel locked in a basement, and that comment deeply resonated with me. I have a very sensitive, difficult, high needs toddler who never ever ever sleeps (yes we’ve tried extremely hard and with help to fix her sleep). I’m so exhausted from the lack of sleep plus parenting a HARD kid during the needy years that I really have nothing in my life outside of my child. I have no energy whatsoever for anything else. She won’t even let her dad comfort her in the night or put her to bed so it’s all on me and I’m EXHAUSTED.

Parents who look down on moms for failing to “take care of themselves” just got lucky with easy kids and good sleepers who made it possible.

I’m sorry some people are being jerks to you. I know you have said you have had help on this, but I just want to mention that a pediatric neurologist that was a sleep specialist was a game changer for us. We have to medicate our daughter for her to sleep at all due to a genetic disorder. But we have recommended this doctor to family and friends with sleep issues that were not tied to special needs and it has been super helpful for a number of them. If you have already tried this, then I will see myself out!!

[Anonymous]

I wish I could find a good PT job. I would never want to quit and be completely braindead, so until I find that unicorn, off to the salt mines I go…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

Do you say this to men who let their wives do the bulk of the parenting? No? Then get your judgmental misogyny back to Reddit.

[Anonymous]

“Monsters” is a bit strong, but those PP’s are so convinced that “balance” and “self-care” trumps all that they have no idea what they’re missing half the time. Their children may or may not have emotional and developmental needs that go unmet, but they’ll never know either way because they lack the sensitivity to notice.

The CIO/daycare/girls’ trips brigade will continue to insist that every weary, devoted mother is a moron unwilling to set boundaries. As another PP said, it’s a season. And I’d rather rally my way through it and give my kids the care they deserve than pretend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

This is so dumb. Good for you, PP for recognizing that you don’t have a maternal instinct and so doing what is necessary to get your kids the parenting they deserve. That’s way better than not recognizing this and then making your kids suffer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Monsters” is a bit strong, but those PP’s are so convinced that “balance” and “self-care” trumps all that they have no idea what they’re missing half the time. Their children may or may not have emotional and developmental needs that go unmet, but they’ll never know either way because they lack the sensitivity to notice.

The CIO/daycare/girls’ trips brigade will continue to insist that every weary, devoted mother is a moron unwilling to set boundaries. As another PP said, it’s a season. And I’d rather rally my way through it and give my kids the care they deserve than pretend.

This post is so bizarre! "Pretend" what? And WTH is the "CIO/daycare/girls' trips brigade" ? You think mothers whose children are in daycare are what?..selfish?, clueless?, insensitive? And what amount of self-care or balance makes a mother insensitive and unaware of what is going on in their children's lives? Even just a teensy bit, like letting Dad -- not a paid stranger, but DAD -- take some of the night shifts?

What struck me from the "isolated in a basement" PP's post was that she said her child won't let dad help out at night. Just that would probably do the PP a world of good in terms of her exhaustion. I'm sorry, but it is not neglectful or harmful for a child to be parented by two loving parents at night instead of just one. Has that PP tried leaving the house for a few nights?

[Anonymous]

It depends heavily on the child. There are some children where it is much, much easier to feel like you are a good parent because of their personalities and psychological and physical makeup. And there are kids where it is very difficult, even if you literally devote 24/7 to them, to ever feel like you are a good parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

DH was very open about wanting to be a father way before we got engaged. We had a LOT of talks about having kids, not having them, how they'd impact our lives, how we'd parent/raise them, who'd do what. We came to an agreement that works for both of us. Again, don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

This is so dumb. Good for you, PP for recognizing that you don’t have a maternal instinct and so doing what is necessary to get your kids the parenting they deserve. That’s way better than not recognizing this and then making your kids suffer.

Thanks - that's what my mother did. Hired nannies to raise me and was absent unless from my life unless she wanted to show me off or make a show of what a good parent she was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was furlowed during covid and it was the best time of my life....... Ideally I would work about 15 to 20 hours a week because I think that would be a great balance of outside of the housework time and a great amount of time with the kids

Yes. I do this - i stayed home with both kids for 1 year, and then worked 15 ish hours, bumped up to about 20 now (I'm a writer and make my own schedule). It's truly perfect -- I have work to make my life interesting and bring in a bit of my own money, i have plenty of time with the kids, I can knock out some household tasks during the week, I can be with them on the (many!) days off from school during the school year, I don't have to send them to camps all summer. I've even managed to be somewhat successful and looking at my resume, you wouldn't necessarily know that I work so few hours. My products are public and people have no idea how long they take to accomplish. For example, I wrote a book in a couple years with 15 hours/week of childcare.

Every once and I while I consider applying for a full-time job, but our life would get much harder. I'm sure we could do it, and many many people do, but we don't have to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

Do you say this to men who let their wives do the bulk of the parenting? No? Then get your judgmental misogyny back to Reddit.

You completely missed my point. It’s not an issue that her husband does the bulk of the parenting, it’s her attitude towards her kid that’s the issue.

If she knew that didn’t really want kids, she shouldn’t have had them….even if her husband wanted to. Kids deserve to have parents who truly want them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

Do you say this to men who let their wives do the bulk of the parenting? No? Then get your judgmental misogyny back to Reddit.

You completely missed my point. It’s not an issue that her husband does the bulk of the parenting, it’s her attitude towards her kid that’s the issue.

If she knew that didn’t really want kids, she shouldn’t have had them….even if her husband wanted to. Kids deserve to have parents who truly want them.

Her kids are well cared for by parents with the emotional intelligence to know their real desires.

There are millions of children in the United States being raised by a single parent because the other parent “doesn’t truly want them” but in the bulk of those cases the missing parent is a man. Do you go around calling absentee fathers “monsters” and telling them they should have abstained from sex so their partner could have instead slept with someone who truly wanted to be a father? Or do you put that on the woman too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not for me. I’m great on weeknights but shit on weekends. I am definitely not cut out for full time parenting.

So you are saying you aren’t really qualified to raise your own children properly.

Nobody would call CPS on me. But I'm not good at mothering.

I really don't get this. I understand when people
have to work to keep food on the table, or it provides their kids a better quality of life, but I legitimately do. It understand why people have kids (especially multiple kids) who are self described bad at being a parent. I pray your partner doesn't say the same. Or that your nanny never quits on you. Your poor kid.

Don't you worry about my kids - they're just fine. Their dad is the main parent and we pay the nanny very well. I'm just not one of those people with a maternal streak who loves babies or always wanted to be a mother. I'd have been happy never having kids, but my husband really wanted them.

NP. Instead of having kids, you should have kept your legs closed and divorced your husband so that he could marry someone who truly wanted children. Why be a mother if you are not really interested in being a parent? So selfish of you to do this to your kid, just so you could keep your husband happy.

Do you say this to men who let their wives do the bulk of the parenting? No? Then get your judgmental misogyny back to Reddit.

Dude - it’s the troll.
Report don’t engage. And repeat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends heavily on the child. There are some children where it is much, much easier to feel like you are a good parent because of their personalities and psychological and physical makeup. And there are kids where it is very difficult, even if you literally devote 24/7 to them, to ever feel like you are a good parent.

Yes, I have one of these kids. Our pediatrician refers to her as “intense” and our family therapist told us that most families she sees have at least one kid like this (I cannot imagine parenting two kids like this). I know sometimes other parents judge me for the level of focus and involvement I dedicate to parenting her. Oh well. If I left her to her own devices, she’d have absolutely no emotional regulation skills and also I think really resent us.

But yes, it’s exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Monsters” is a bit strong, but those PP’s are so convinced that “balance” and “self-care” trumps all that they have no idea what they’re missing half the time. Their children may or may not have emotional and developmental needs that go unmet, but they’ll never know either way because they lack the sensitivity to notice.

The CIO/daycare/girls’ trips brigade will continue to insist that every weary, devoted mother is a moron unwilling to set boundaries. As another PP said, it’s a season. And I’d rather rally my way through it and give my kids the care they deserve than pretend.

They are monsters because this woman is struggling and yet they pick on her. It’s not cool.