My kid talks to adults too much

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he’s not on the spectrum? I would get him evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

DP. Most adults can figure out how to end a conversation they aren’t interested in. It’s OK. I do sometimes intervene if it’s something like a plane where they literally cannot walk away. But I generally don’t try to take responsibility for other adult’s decisions.

[Anonymous]

It’s fine for him to make conversation ATTEMPTS with as many adults as he wants to, so long as he pays attention to social cues and respects if people don’t want to engage at all, or if they only want to engage briefly.

[Anonymous]

Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s fair to say that most adults - most, not all - don’t want to spend a lot of time talking with a stranger’s kid. The polite thing for you to do would be to nip this in the bud every time. Don’t let him do it, even if the adult seems interested. Just don’t.

Surely there are other avenues for discussing his interests. Sign him up for clubs. Explore on line opportunities for interactions (safe ones, of course). Just don’t tell yourself that he’s different, smarter, more enjoyable, or whatever else you think he might be and that this justifies your allowing him to talk other adults’ ears off. You may think he’s all of these things, and he very well may be. But to the vast majority of the stranger adults he deals with, after a minute or two he’s just another annoying kid.

I did this with my bright, chatty kid until I realized I got a lot of pushback from most of the adults he was talking to. At that point, I realized i became the odd one making the situation impolite.

Now I don't interfere. Feeling the sting of rejection is one way of learning when is the appropriate time to talk. As he’s getting older (middle school), he’s better.

He’s older. He’s in middle school different situation. He now gets it.

The adults around him before were just being polite.

They were polite. And most didn't like me interfering. They ended the conversation themselves.

I was the awkward one. Even my son didn't get it because the other adult was not happy with what I did.

[Anonymous]

Adults like talking about themselves. Adults like talking about their niche hobbies or professional expertise - especially if it’s not something they get asked about much or that their peers do not share. I’m an introvert and it’s amazingly easy to get most adults to speak at length.

I think the clue to if your kid is on the spectrum or not is to observe the give and take in the conversation. I am probably mildly on the spectrum and my 11 yr old neighbor is definitely autistic, but he is verbal, quite smart, and he has done a lot of social skills classes. He and I share a few special interests and initially I thought I could be a good adult for him to chat with on those topics, to give his parents a break (his younger brother and one of my children are best friends). However, he does not want to have a back and forth conversation and does not ask me questions, he only wants me to ask him questions and then tell me facts or explain things to me.

I think if your son is mature and verbal for his age, confident when talking to adults, and just trying to soak up as much knowledge as he can from experts he encounters, he is likely gifted and precocious, but not autistic. I think it’s pretty normal for a 10yr old to still be learning adult conversation patterns and social skills. He sounds like a nice kid and I think you’re doing a good job to just keep reminding him to take some breaks and mentally or verbally check in once and while before diving into a new question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

I was like OP’s kid when I was a kid - and I was an only child. I spent a lot of time around adults having adult conversations and was good at talking to adults. As an adult now, I see this precocious conversation ability in my sons’ friends who are only children. Kids from bigger families often seem shy and I think it’s because they are used to being in environments where there are always kids around, including teens they can ask for help, or they are used to being resourceful and fending for themselves.

[Anonymous]

If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it’s just some niche interests, I would try to get him involved in classes/groups/events about those interests. If it’s that he likes to talk to adults about the most interesting thing he just read on any topic, I would just make sure he understands conversational give and take, and extricate him after a couple of minutes. I also think it’s somewhat situational even with people who might share the interest. If his interests were comics, for instance, then the guy at the comic book store probably wouldn’t mind talking longer during a slow time. If it’s a tour group leader, that might have to be pretty limited because they have to pay attention to the whole group.

I wasn't clear. It's when the tour group leader asks certain questions. He looks around, and when no adult answers, he does. It's kind of cringey, because he comes off as being too smart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

I was like OP’s kid when I was a kid - and I was an only child. I spent a lot of time around adults having adult conversations and was good at talking to adults. As an adult now, I see this precocious conversation ability in my sons’ friends who are only children. Kids from bigger families often seem shy and I think it’s because they are used to being in environments where there are always kids around, including teens they can ask for help, or they are used to being resourceful and fending for themselves.

You may be right, PP. Good point about only children. OP, is your kid an only?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

I was like OP’s kid when I was a kid - and I was an only child. I spent a lot of time around adults having adult conversations and was good at talking to adults. As an adult now, I see this precocious conversation ability in my sons’ friends who are only children. Kids from bigger families often seem shy and I think it’s because they are used to being in environments where there are always kids around, including teens they can ask for help, or they are used to being resourceful and fending for themselves.

Please don’t turn this into yet another only child bashing. This is an individual trait, not a family size issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Definitely on the spectrum, OP. I have 4 kids and 2 were very talkative, voracious readers, specific interests, etc. as kids. None of them would ever do talk like this with random people. I think you might suspect this isn’t entirely normal. I would have him evaluated.

Your kids need evaluated for anxiety. They're also probably not that smart, which is why they can't talk to adults. It's ok! Most kids aren't ahead of their years.

Anxiety? For not talking the ear off of a random stranger about obscure topics? What?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sure he's not on the spectrum? Are adults engaging in this?

+1