How do married people find the random time to cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

No you are not. We do everything together too. I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats.

Unless you lock your spouse in the basement and take their phone, they can cheat if they want to cheat. You cannot babysit your spouse into not cheating.

Who said anything about "babysitting" a spouse? No one but you. There are married people who actually enjoy spending all their time with their spouse but it sounds like you don't know anything about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

Sure, that's true. But not universally true. I'm sorry you got burned somehow and can't imagine that, yes, there are couples like this where neither cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

+1

I know people who do not like themselves very much, and also (not by coincidence) do not like their spouses - their communication also suffers, not surprisingly. What a sad existence!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

Sure, that's true. But not universally true. I'm sorry you got burned somehow and can't imagine that, yes, there are couples like this where neither cheats.

There are also many couples that still have sex, often - in spite of what the cheater claims.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

I also don’t do anything with my husband… married 15, all apparently good so far… but who knows!

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

No you are not. We do everything together too. I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats.

Unless you lock your spouse in the basement and take their phone, they can cheat if they want to cheat. You cannot babysit your spouse into not cheating.

Who said anything about "babysitting" a spouse? No one but you. There are married people who actually enjoy spending all their time with their spouse but it sounds like you don't know anything about that.

Sure. And sometimes one of them cheats. Look, the point is that whatever smug thing you're telling yourself makes your marriage cheating-proof, it actually doesn't. And that's ok! People don't get cheated on because they were doing something wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

Sure, that's true. But not universally true. I'm sorry you got burned somehow and can't imagine that, yes, there are couples like this where neither cheats.

There are also many couples that still have sex, often - in spite of what the cheater claims.

Yep. I was COMPLETELY blindsided. We were having regular sex 1-2x a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

No you are not. We do everything together too. I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats.

Unless you lock your spouse in the basement and take their phone, they can cheat if they want to cheat. You cannot babysit your spouse into not cheating.

Who said anything about "babysitting" a spouse? No one but you. There are married people who actually enjoy spending all their time with their spouse but it sounds like you don't know anything about that.

Sure. And sometimes one of them cheats. Look, the point is that whatever smug thing you're telling yourself makes your marriage cheating-proof, it actually doesn't. And that's ok! People don't get cheated on because they were doing something wrong.

Wow! You clearly have some very, very serious issues here. You seem to feel very sensitive about having been cheated on (its super obvious here) and keep saying a mantra to yourself, "its not MY fault" over and over again. But no one, not one person has has said or alluded to anything at all about "babysitting a spouse" or was "smug" or said anything about making their marriage "cheating-proof" but you. You sound like you feel very guilty but now I know why this triggered you "I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats."

I hope you get counseling soon hon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

That's how two people I worked with managed it.

Yep. I know someone who used to work the day shift at the front desk of a nice hotel in midtown (near a lot of office buildings). Can confirm that people do this—early check in and check out on the same day and they order drinks to be sent up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re wasting your time on a silly anonymous chat board full of weirdos as we speak. Does your spouse know that? You could find the time to cheat if you wanted. Anybody can. People who say they’re too busy to make any time for themselves are full of shit.

Exactly. This also holds true for those folks who say they don't have time to exercise. If you want it, you make the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can find time to take a shit, you can find time to cheat.

Oh, I forgot about doubling up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

+1. Cheaters basically are addicts, with all the lying and secrecy hallmarks of addiction. When you feel pity for their illness it makes it easier to move on and steer clear of their pathology.

+2 another poster that had lots of communication, shared deep thoughts together, socialized and spent all of our time together. We were always great friends and still had sex.

I agree that it was an addiction and a fix and at this time he also started secretly drinking to deal with his self-crisis and the stress of the lying. I wondered why he was all the sudden getting drunk so fast and his tolerance seeming to drop to zero when we socialized with friends on the weekends.

I saw the guy that worked at the hotel talked about drinks being sent up to the room midday. Yep. They usually are drinking too. I found airplane bottles in car. He down one before meeting her—helps with the ability to lie when you numb yourself.

When you resort to betraying and lying, you have done serious issues. Healthy people don’t do this stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

+1. Cheaters basically are addicts, with all the lying and secrecy hallmarks of addiction. When you feel pity for their illness it makes it easier to move on and steer clear of their pathology.

+2 another poster that had lots of communication, shared deep thoughts together, socialized and spent all of our time together. We were always great friends and still had sex.

I agree that it was an addiction and a fix and at this time he also started secretly drinking to deal with his self-crisis and the stress of the lying. I wondered why he was all the sudden getting drunk so fast and his tolerance seeming to drop to zero when we socialized with friends on the weekends.

I saw the guy that worked at the hotel talked about drinks being sent up to the room midday. Yep. They usually are drinking too. I found airplane bottles in car. He down one before meeting her—helps with the ability to lie when you numb yourself.

When you resort to betraying and lying, you have done serious issues. Healthy people don’t do this stuff.

+3

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

Sure, that's true. But not universally true. I'm sorry you got burned somehow and can't imagine that, yes, there are couples like this where neither cheats.

There are also many couples that still have sex, often - in spite of what the cheater claims.

Yep. I was COMPLETELY blindsided. We were having regular sex 1-2x a week.

Common. A lot of men actually increase the amount of sex with their wives when cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

Sure, that's true. But not universally true. I'm sorry you got burned somehow and can't imagine that, yes, there are couples like this where neither cheats.

There are also many couples that still have sex, often - in spite of what the cheater claims.

Yep. I was COMPLETELY blindsided. We were having regular sex 1-2x a week.

Common. A lot of men actually increase the amount of sex with their wives when cheating.

They're often more attractive to their wives. They are happier and not as desperate for sex which makes their wives want to have sex with them more.