How do married people find the random time to cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ex husband met people in a car for a quickie. When working at home brought people back to the house. Once I came home for something I forgot and found someone there with him like in that Love Actually movie. It was awful. Then I was able to look back at photos and things he had from the affairs and found all this evidence from years back. It had really picked up during Covid because he had more opportunity all over the dmv but existed before. It is so gross when you realize you’ve been having sex with someone who has been doing this stuff behind your back.

Completely traumatizing!! We had regular sex and it was so violating to find out for me. It’s your health at risk - no matter what they say —-mine “she was married too. We were tested blah blah..” she was a whore to picking up men online - how that met. So, yeah, not smart. Disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Additionally I know they would each take their kids - my brother and her son, who were both toddlers - and meet up in a hotel room with a suite and set the kids up with toys/TV while they DTD.

Amazing that neither set of kids blabbed anything suspicious in front of either cheated-on spouse - “when daddy took me to the playdate at the hotel” or something like that.

That’s so sick they involved the kids like that. Truly efffed up.

[Anonymous]

My ex would wait for me to fall asleep, then he would go out around 11pm. I was a new mom so I was exhausted. But when baby woke up and I noticed he wasn't there multiple times, the running to McDonald's for a snack excuse stopped working. Especially when I noticed he took my car and gas was low, and that he had taken an apple with him to McDonald's and left it on my seat.

Used Google account to figure out his map history.

[Anonymous]

These cheaters sound like addicts scrounging around for their next score. I feel pity at the way they live their lives. They come across as disturbed and unhappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Business trips. Some people travel a lot for work. Easy to have someone in the city being visited, and evenings are free.

+1

FIL did this often - MIL thinks she blocked it out, but she is bitter. I mention it because I think it is a common scenario. But in their case, FIL really did not like MIL that much, and wanted to spend as least time as possible with her, which is sad. He would take every work travel offer that existed. FIL was also a complete a-hole, obviously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

No you are not. We do everything together too. I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

No you are not. We do everything together too. I think a lot of these examples on here are people who are married but live separate lives then wonder why the other cheats.

Unless you lock your spouse in the basement and take their phone, they can cheat if they want to cheat. You cannot babysit your spouse into not cheating.

[Anonymous]

I wonder this too. The only way I could is business travel I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

That's how two people I worked with managed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that people cheat or experiment with same sex partners as well as opposite sex partners. Your spouse could be hanging with their friend who is more than a friend.

creepy

You only find this creepy because you're a woman. A man finding his wife in this situation would have a somewhat different reaction.

DP. Ugh, this old idea that all men find woman on woman action to be titillating. Sure, some do, but it's a myth that all men would love to watch two women go at it. Not true. And the wife would be cheating on the marriage, no matter who it was the husband discovered her with. Some husbands would be focused on the cheating, not on pulling up a chair to settle down and watch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex would wait for me to fall asleep, then he would go out around 11pm. I was a new mom so I was exhausted. But when baby woke up and I noticed he wasn't there multiple times, the running to McDonald's for a snack excuse stopped working. Especially when I noticed he took my car and gas was low, and that he had taken an apple with him to McDonald's and left it on my seat.

Used Google account to figure out his map history.

He was cheating while you BOTH were new parents with an infant at home? Beyond the pale. I'm so sorry, PP.
Are you and he still together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my stepdad was cheating, he would go for long “runs” - I believe he would run, she would pick him up, then he would run back to our house after the DTD (also a good excuse to take a shower right away). I also remember running errands with him and he stopped into an office building for what felt like a very long time before coming back out. Additionally I know they would each take their kids - my brother and her son, who were both toddlers - and meet up in a hotel room with a suite and set the kids up with toys/TV while they DTD.

Super classy!

🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
I hope your mother left him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

More couples need to be like this: Actually liking spending time together that isn't spent on sex (DCUM's obsession), and actually having conversations. I'm betting many of your conversations are about things other than your kids, schedules and logistics, too--right? Because liking each other outside of bed, and talking about things other than the kids/logistics, are great indicators for a strong marriage. Good for you and your DH!

A lot of people on this forum describe their marriage this way and one partner still cheats.

A cheater can put on a good show for a long time but fundamentally they are just broken people.

+1. Cheaters basically are addicts, with all the lying and secrecy hallmarks of addiction. When you feel pity for their illness it makes it easier to move on and steer clear of their pathology.