How do married people find the random time to cheat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

My husband theorizes that a lot of the push for RTO is that cheaters have abundant opportunities to cheat when they’re already out of the house 8+ hours a day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“The gym”- go bang in a hotel nearby. Or on WAH day when he “had to run into the office for an hour or so” (aka her house).

She didn’t work and had kids in school so house was free and she had all the time in the world when husband was at work.

Doesn't the other spouse see the credit card bill with the hotel charges on it?

Didn’t cheat, but I never had a joint credit card with my spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“The gym”- go bang in a hotel nearby. Or on WAH day when he “had to run into the office for an hour or so” (aka her house).

She didn’t work and had kids in school so house was free and she had all the time in the world when husband was at work.

Doesn't the other spouse see the credit card bill with the hotel charges on it?

Cash and the hotels take visa prepaid. Most of it was at the married woman’s house so he spent virtually no $ on it.

[Anonymous]

Work travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

[Anonymous]

My ex pretended he was at work. We all thought he was a workaholic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?

When I was married, I did zero with my husband. Literally zero. We lived in the same house. That is it. I don't know anyone who does EVERYTHING with their husband. I was married for 10 years. No cheating.

Perhaps that’s why you are using married in the past tense? My husband and I aren’t joined at the hip, but when the opportunity presents itself to be together we take it. He doesn’t need to come to our kids’ swim practice in the morning, but if he’s up and ready for work, he often comes with me and we drink our coffee and chat for 30 min. If we don’t have a 9am meeting, we walk the kids to school together so we can chat with each other for 7 minutes on the way home. We like each other and want to be together when we don’t have to divide and conquer with the kids .

Plenty of people don’t do every single thing with their spouses and still stay married.

[Anonymous]

Our neighbor lady went back to work when her husband’s friend offered her a job that was too good to pass up. She used to gush about what a great boss he was. She has since then left her husband for her boss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ex pretended he was at work. We all thought he was a workaholic.

Reminds me. We know this recently divorced couple and the ex wife to this day remains convinced her ex husband was cheating on her because there is no way he worked that much and made so little! But I know he never cheated. He was just getting used by his employer. I think her mother planted the gotta be cheating seed and since it led to divorce she’ll never admit it’s a possibility she was wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Our neighbor lady went back to work when her husband’s friend offered her a job that was too good to pass up. She used to gush about what a great boss he was. She has since then left her husband for her boss.

Was the entire job offer a ruse or was it a legit offer at first? I’m struggling to see what job a random SAHM could land that pays a boatload (“too good to pass up”)?

[Anonymous]

My spouse and I both wfh and are virtually always together. He had a multi year sexting/virtual affair. I truly would have bet my kids lives there was absolutely zero way he ever would or could cheat.

You truly never know.
.

[Anonymous]

Anyone who travels a lot for work. I work in a well paid industry (finance) and almost all the men travelling weekly or fortnightly mess around. There is a 5 star hotel room paid for by the company, meals are paid for etc. If their DW is tracking their phone, they are always where they are supposed to be (in the hotel, at a restaurant or at the work location).

I am sure some of the women mess around but they are more discreet so I can’t tell. With the men, they seem to care less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My spouse and I both wfh and are virtually always together. He had a multi year sexting/virtual affair. I truly would have bet my kids lives there was absolutely zero way he ever would or could cheat.

You truly never know.
.

How did you discover it and are you still married?

[Anonymous]

I'm female and travel for about 2-3 nights every month. I get approached constantly. Now I get what's happening. I used to think it was just friendly conversations- kids, work, travel etc. But inevitably the guy suggests we go to one of our rooms or asks me to have dinner the next night. I'm an attractive, fit 52 yo woman, not a young hottie! Most of the guys are 40-mid 50s. Sometimes younger. I'm married and have not cheated. My husband could be when I'm away, I hope not but it's possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My stbx isn’t cheating (almost wish he was) but he has always, since our kid was born, established that he will disappear for how long & whenever he wants. It’s hard to comprehend if you’re not like that or have never been in such a relationship. But there’s just not much you can do if someone just says “I’m staying late at work” or “I’m going out” and just … leaves.

Sounds like a candidate for “hiking the Appalachian Trail”, South Carolina style.

Deep cut!!!