How do married people find the random time to cheat?

[Anonymous]

We just discovered a good friend’s wife has been cheating for like a year! We never saw it coming. My husband and I can’t fathom where you randomly find the time and excuses that wouldn’t immediately set off tons of red flags. Or maybe she did and the husband didn’t want to admit it to himself? Our family has a pretty full routine between work, kids, and family leisure. And with so many WFH, that leaves even less “free” time.

Do cheaters out of the blue make up work conferences they have to go on? I know the only “working late” trope but nobody works late anymore. You can work late at home, if needed.

[Anonymous]

Where there's a will, there's a way.

[Anonymous]

When my stepdad was cheating, he would go for long “runs” - I believe he would run, she would pick him up, then he would run back to our house after the DTD (also a good excuse to take a shower right away). I also remember running errands with him and he stopped into an office building for what felt like a very long time before coming back out. Additionally I know they would each take their kids - my brother and her son, who were both toddlers - and meet up in a hotel room with a suite and set the kids up with toys/TV while they DTD.

Super classy!

[Anonymous]

Business trips. Some people travel a lot for work. Easy to have someone in the city being visited, and evenings are free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When my stepdad was cheating, he would go for long “runs” - I believe he would run, she would pick him up, then he would run back to our house after the DTD (also a good excuse to take a shower right away). I also remember running errands with him and he stopped into an office building for what felt like a very long time before coming back out. Additionally I know they would each take their kids - my brother and her son, who were both toddlers - and meet up in a hotel room with a suite and set the kids up with toys/TV while they DTD.

Super classy!

🤮 I’m so sorry that you know these details.

[Anonymous]

When both parties are work from home it makes it real hard I guess. I always wondered at the beginning of the covid lock downs how many people had to break up with their affair partners.

[Anonymous]

You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

[Anonymous]

Women are so busy with 90% of the domestic labor & 100% of the emotional labor, they couldn’t possibly find the time.

[Anonymous]

“The gym”- go bang in a hotel nearby. Or on WAH day when he “had to run into the office for an hour or so” (aka her house).

She didn’t work and had kids in school so house was free and she had all the time in the world when husband was at work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are so busy with 90% of the domestic labor & 100% of the emotional labor, they couldn’t possibly find the time.

SAHMs have 6 free hours a day, alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are so busy with 90% of the domestic labor & 100% of the emotional labor, they couldn’t possibly find the time.

SAHMs have 6 free hours a day, alone.

Only if all of their kids are in school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Women are so busy with 90% of the domestic labor & 100% of the emotional labor, they couldn’t possibly find the time.

SAHMs have 6 free hours a day, alone.

Only if all of their kids are in school.

Which they almost always are in midlife affairs.

[Anonymous]

My stbx isn’t cheating (almost wish he was) but he has always, since our kid was born, established that he will disappear for how long & whenever he wants. It’s hard to comprehend if you’re not like that or have never been in such a relationship. But there’s just not much you can do if someone just says “I’m staying late at work” or “I’m going out” and just … leaves.

[Anonymous]

A quickie in a car can take under 30 minutes.

Considering how "busy" most married parents are, it's amazing how a spouse who is determined to cheat will move heaven and earth to make it happen. More amazing how the betrayed spouse will take that person back, knowing all of this...

To each his own, I suppose. Couldn't be me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are naive, OP. Where there is a will, there’s a way. You could ‘go to the gym’ at night, have dinner with a ‘friend’, you could say you are doing any number of things and run out for a quickie. I know people who work in an office will get a hotel room during lunch. And when I used to travel for work, married men especially would use their hotel room to hook up with women.

Am I the only one that does pretty much everything with my husband? And when we’re not together, we are meeting at the same location nearly always. To randomly disrupt that routine would set off a lot of red flags in our house. But maybe some spouses are just naive or in denial?