Lost It, Said Things I Can’t Take Back

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do watch Succession and there are some things that I see in her with Shiv. She isn’t entitled like Shiv, just very angry and I would say emotionally manipulative (like Shiv).

What led to the yelling was we were talking about a HS friend, Larla, and DD mentioned she now has a serious BF. I know Larla bc the kids grew up together and her parents still live down the street. I said, “oh, right, I saw Larla’s mom the other day, and she mentioned Larla has a BF and they are coming to stay for a week.” DD started saying why was I up in everyone’s business. I explained we literally ran into each other walking the dogs, which happens on occasion, and we usually stop and chat for a few min., and she happened to mention Larla’s BF and their visit. I didn’t ask for info, the mom volunteered it. She then backtracked to a time when a kid had party at her house when the kids were 14 or 15. I heard the parents were away. I said DD couldn’t go unless there was an adult there. Some kid got really drunk and the kids ended up terrified and called an ambulance, and no there were no adults. I didn’t rub it in her face, I didn’t even say anything about it to her about it. Then it pingponged to other things, like the time she was a boyfriend at 16 and I said bedroom and family room doors have to remain open when he visits. Basically I think she has a problem with any boundaries we set, and is under the impression good parents set none because good parents let their kids do whatever they want.

I don’t get it. The other kids might grumble about boundaries we set, but they never flipped out or held grudges.

Lady, how do you think Shiv got that way? She was emotionally neglected her entire life!

[Anonymous]

There are some parents commenting in this thread whose kids will be getting as far away as fast as possible once they are adults. No doubt about it, and you’ll blame them as selfish spawn and never see your own massive shortcomings.

[Anonymous]

Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

And yet, “the girls” know how to handle their emotions, while “the boys” resort to violence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

+1. Too much validation for them on the internet, so they retreat into childhood and victimhood instead of growing and being excited about adulthood. It’s exhausting and frightening as a parent walking in eggshells for years hoping your fragile daughter doesn’t harm themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

And yet, “the girls” know how to handle their emotions, while “the boys” resort to violence.

Yep, too much time on the internet during adolescence brings out the worst in people. It becomes an addiction that stunts them sometimes permanently

[Anonymous]

OP, what you said to your daughter is nothing. As someone who was verbally abused by their mother 30 years before cutting contact, this would have not been something to upset me in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re only telling us your side of the story.

Come back and say that to the gazillion ACs here whining about their narc parents.

Meanwhile, the rest of us will try to help OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would do nothing. She sounds like a brat and owes you an apology. She is an adult and needs to learn she cannot insult others without receiving similar criticism.

Exactly! +1. Run.

+2. Think of it as a "time out" for both of you. When you're ready to get together again, you both need to apologize. I get that your offense was much milder than hers, but you can model the responsibility-taking your DD so desperately needs to learn. And don't let it pass without you saying how you felt about her many insults, and asking for her apology.

[Anonymous]

This pretty much sums it up. And it's exhausting.
You'll need an IG acct to see:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/Cs1mjoxvwPf/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

Well, the joke will be on them once they grow up and start having children. For one thing, the media will be interested in whatever dad the next generation of then 20 year olds will be going through, and the dumping on mothers never stops, so they and their precious mental health will be the villains for whatever is wrong with the next generation. Millennials are already feeling some of it as they cross into their 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

Well, the joke will be on them once they grow up and start having children. For one thing, the media will be interested in whatever dad the next generation of then 20 year olds will be going through, and the dumping on mothers never stops, so they and their precious mental health will be the villains for whatever is wrong with the next generation. Millennials are already feeling some of it as they cross into their 40s.

*Whatever fad

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DD said string of horrible, insulting things. Ignored ignored ignored until she said I was mentally ill, was so angry at the tirade of insults without thinking I said “how about you look in the mirror”

Yes I know I am horrible. I did say I shouldn’t have said that.

I think our relationship is just done, maybe one day it will be better but maybe not. I have to stop caring and go on with my life. If she hates me she hates me.

She is 22, not living with us. Says she wants nothing to do with us.

She had what I thought was a good childhood - family trips, summers in a cabin away from constant electronics, soccer, art classes, flute, parents who were around and engaged and cared, involved in school etc.

I don’t know what we did.

Young adults want an apology from their parents. This is reinforced in all the various social media messaging they got and a biproduct of the emphasis of mental health “wellness” messaging they were bombarded with. It has made them all more self-absorbed than a typical teenager in the past.

Their parents, meanwhile, want a thank you for all of the sacrifices they made and the difficulties of child rearing. And we’re fed up with the entitlement attitudes and general lack of appreciation. Ironically, we fostered that. But until they are in our shoes, they won’t appreciate it. And maybe not even then.

You are loggerheads. You aren’t the only ones.

I pity your kids, have no doubt you are a monstrously controlling parent. Hope they estrange from you and you can choke on it the rest of your poor me life. YOU CHOSE TO HAVE KIDS, YOU DO NOT DESERVE THANKS FOR IMPOSING YOURSELF UPON THEM WITH ALL YOUR TOXIC UNRESOLVED GARBAGE THAT YOU INFLICTED ON THEM.

Parents SHOULD acknowledge and apologize for the damage they do to their children. Period. They do not deserve nor should they expect gratitude for anything they did as far as parenting from conception to age 18 - that was the obligation they freely chose. Children don’t get to choose. I know many children who wish they could have. I know many children whose lives have been agony and who would much have preferred not to have been born.

So sick of entitled breeders who want a medal for abusing their kids.

You sound a little unhinged and are doing a lot of projection. I was describing a societal phenomenon, not my own circumstances. If that triggers you so radically, maybe you should seek mental health care. I don’t mean that unkindly.

I am perfectly rational and not unhinged. The fact that you would use such language leaves me no doubt as to your character and the experience endured by your kids. I pity them and will add them to my prayers.

Beyond growing up with toxic a holes who bred with abandon and inflicted all their dysfunction on us, I have spent my entire adult life as an advocate for abused kids in one fashion or another, including many years putting abusive ‘dads’ and ‘moms’ in prison and/or taking their kids away from them as a prosecutor representing the shocked conscience of the community.

Society hasn’t changed much at all, parents have been abusive for millennia. There is just now the indignation and fear of toxic a hole self absorbed abusive parents in a climate where kids are no longer silently enduring the abuse and the adult aftermath.

People are talking about their abusive parents and confronting their abusive parents and estranging from their abusive parents and shock! Parents who know they were toxic a holes to their kids are very, very uncomfortable with this new reality.

All while said kids continue to ask for money as if they are somehow entitled to it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gen Z, particularly the girls, have weaponized mental health. Every difficulty or shortcoming in their lives is blamed on “trauma” inflicted upon them by their parents. It’s a way to not take any responsibility and it’s fracturing families.

Well, the joke will be on them once they grow up and start having children. For one thing, the media will be interested in whatever dad the next generation of then 20 year olds will be going through, and the dumping on mothers never stops, so they and their precious mental health will be the villains for whatever is wrong with the next generation. Millennials are already feeling some of it as they cross into their 40s.

Many aren’t at all.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like your DD is self-supporting. You’re not entitled to anything from her, nor is she entitled to anything from you.