Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

So glad even my sh*tty stbx agrees that we need to prioritize our DS’s activities and interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So glad even my sh*tty stbx agrees that we need to prioritize our DS’s activities and interests.

Yeah really! The OP is making my ex look like a prince

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad even my sh*tty stbx agrees that we need to prioritize our DS’s activities and interests.

Yeah really! The OP is making my ex look like a prince

I wonder if that’s OP secret mission — to realize how much better our exes are than him. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

It’s best for kids to not be alienated from their father.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

It’s best for kids to not be alienated from their father.

Fathers alienate themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad even my sh*tty stbx agrees that we need to prioritize our DS’s activities and interests.

Yeah really! The OP is making my ex look like a prince

Yeah, really. What a weird post. OP, are you the one complaining or are you the new girlfriend who is believing this BS story? If he wanted to, he could.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So glad even my sh*tty stbx agrees that we need to prioritize our DS’s activities and interests.

Yeah really! The OP is making my ex look like a prince

Yeah, really. What a weird post. OP, are you the one complaining or are you the new girlfriend who is believing this BS story? If he wanted to, he could.

Second wives are such freaking simps. It’s honestly hilarious.

[Anonymous]

By 16, most kids are going to ultimately do what they want.

[Anonymous]

Dad can be the one to explain that the kid's activity options are extremely limited because Dad will not allow any activity on "his" time. Or Dad can do the work to find activities that fit the schedule. Good luck, Dad! I'm sure the kid will love you SO much for refusing to support their interests!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

Maybe it's been like that in the activities you schedule your kid for, but as the parent of 4 kids-I can tell you it's not always like that. Many times we signed our kids up for a sport with absolutely NO guidance on when/where the practices would be. You sign your kids up for a sport, then 2-3 months later, a few days before the season starts, you are assigned to a team/coach. That is when you find out what days, times, and location your practices are on. Games? The times and locations of those are even LESS predictable.

This was our experience with a variety of sports, leagues, and over the course of 12+ years, so it wasn't just a fluke that we were on an unpredictable team/league.

Never had that happen. And, with four kids you should have expected the juggling and all the more reason to share custody 50-50. We have always been told the day and times at sign up and in the sport we have a choice of a few different options.

I guess we've signed our kids up for different sports/leagues then. That was our experience with football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse-elementary age rec leagues.
As the kids were older and on high school sports teams, practice times were more days and longer hours. Often the coach would talk to the team after practice and that could take up to 45 minutes, other times they were let out 1/2 hour early. Game/match days and times were sometimes changed last minute as well. I'd feel really bad for a player if his dad was steaming in the parking lot because the coach was talking to the team on "his time."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

Maybe it's been like that in the activities you schedule your kid for, but as the parent of 4 kids-I can tell you it's not always like that. Many times we signed our kids up for a sport with absolutely NO guidance on when/where the practices would be. You sign your kids up for a sport, then 2-3 months later, a few days before the season starts, you are assigned to a team/coach. That is when you find out what days, times, and location your practices are on. Games? The times and locations of those are even LESS predictable.

This was our experience with a variety of sports, leagues, and over the course of 12+ years, so it wasn't just a fluke that we were on an unpredictable team/league.

Never had that happen. And, with four kids you should have expected the juggling and all the more reason to share custody 50-50. We have always been told the day and times at sign up and in the sport we have a choice of a few different options.

I guess we've signed our kids up for different sports/leagues then. That was our experience with football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse-elementary age rec leagues.
As the kids were older and on high school sports teams, practice times were more days and longer hours. Often the coach would talk to the team after practice and that could take up to 45 minutes, other times they were let out 1/2 hour early. Game/match days and times were sometimes changed last minute as well. I'd feel really bad for a player if his dad was steaming in the parking lot because the coach was talking to the team on "his time."

With rec sports there are tons of options and should not be the priority. School sports are usually a few months at best. And, we have that situation now with conflicting activities but as the grown ups we talk to the coaches and make it all work.

If you don’t want your kids dad involved just say so and cut the relationship. Don’t play games or make excuses. And don’t blame dad when you set up the obstacles so the kids cannot see him.

I feel bad for kids who lose their fathers because mothers like you are too selfish to get the consequences on the kids. And, it’s not just the consequences of losing their father but how they view relationships and what is important. Rec sports are not more important. And, if they are, kids can live with dad and fit you in. How about that as a solution?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

It’s best for kids to not be alienated from their father.

Fathers alienate themselves.

If mom refuse’s visits or sets up obstacles so they cannot see dad, how is dad to blame? Mom is pretty terrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

Maybe it's been like that in the activities you schedule your kid for, but as the parent of 4 kids-I can tell you it's not always like that. Many times we signed our kids up for a sport with absolutely NO guidance on when/where the practices would be. You sign your kids up for a sport, then 2-3 months later, a few days before the season starts, you are assigned to a team/coach. That is when you find out what days, times, and location your practices are on. Games? The times and locations of those are even LESS predictable.

This was our experience with a variety of sports, leagues, and over the course of 12+ years, so it wasn't just a fluke that we were on an unpredictable team/league.

Never had that happen. And, with four kids you should have expected the juggling and all the more reason to share custody 50-50. We have always been told the day and times at sign up and in the sport we have a choice of a few different options.

I guess we've signed our kids up for different sports/leagues then. That was our experience with football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse-elementary age rec leagues.
As the kids were older and on high school sports teams, practice times were more days and longer hours. Often the coach would talk to the team after practice and that could take up to 45 minutes, other times they were let out 1/2 hour early. Game/match days and times were sometimes changed last minute as well. I'd feel really bad for a player if his dad was steaming in the parking lot because the coach was talking to the team on "his time."

With rec sports there are tons of options and should not be the priority. School sports are usually a few months at best. And, we have that situation now with conflicting activities but as the grown ups we talk to the coaches and make it all work.

If you don’t want your kids dad involved just say so and cut the relationship. Don’t play games or make excuses. And don’t blame dad when you set up the obstacles so the kids cannot see him.

I feel bad for kids who lose their fathers because mothers like you are too selfish to get the consequences on the kids. And, it’s not just the consequences of losing their father but how they view relationships and what is important. Rec sports are not more important. And, if they are, kids can live with dad and fit you in. How about that as a solution?

This isn't about me or my family. I'm married to my kids' dad and we agreed on all the activities we put our kids in. I'm just responding to the idea in general that moms are "alienating" dads. I was one of the first responses on this thread at 20:14.