Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

This is why I’m a single mom by choice via donor sperm. I’m not sharing by kids with somebody else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

It’s best for kids to not be alienated from their father.

Fathers alienate themselves.

If mom refuse’s visits or sets up obstacles so they cannot see dad, how is dad to blame? Mom is pretty terrible.

A parent fights for their kids. Sounds like your husband was a deadbeat who gave up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

So then I’m sure at the end of that contract he got himself discharged and rushed to be as close as possible to his kids, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

There are specific custody laws that prevent the mom from moving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

They didn't make those commitments. Those commitments were made for them. Hard for them to see why they need to honor them.

Also, you've got your parenting backwards. It's not about what you prefer. It's about what's best for the kid.

It’s best for kids to not be alienated from their father.

Fathers alienate themselves.

Some do. Some don’t. Some do by not even trying to get custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

It’s not “a visit” it’s parenting time. During parenting time you parent your kids which means doing both the fun parts and the less fun parts like helping them with homework, and schlepping them to practice. They aren’t there to entertain you.

So much this. In that scenario every second Friday was dad's turn to take her to rehearsal. It's a normal parent thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

So then I’m sure at the end of that contract he got himself discharged and rushed to be as close as possible to his kids, right?

I have no idea, I'm not the pp you quoted and I don't know them. I'm just saying a military member can't just put in their two weeks notice and get out of their contract. It's pretty much expected that at some point in a military member's career, they will spend months or even years away from their families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

There are specific custody laws that prevent the mom from moving.

Depends on the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also there should be retroactive fines to Mom for stalling custody/visitation if the kid is 17 and she refuses to take him to see Dad.

Is this the kid who was almost 18, and refusing to see his dad? The kid had a spring birthday.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

Maybe it's been like that in the activities you schedule your kid for, but as the parent of 4 kids-I can tell you it's not always like that. Many times we signed our kids up for a sport with absolutely NO guidance on when/where the practices would be. You sign your kids up for a sport, then 2-3 months later, a few days before the season starts, you are assigned to a team/coach. That is when you find out what days, times, and location your practices are on. Games? The times and locations of those are even LESS predictable.

This was our experience with a variety of sports, leagues, and over the course of 12+ years, so it wasn't just a fluke that we were on an unpredictable team/league.

Never had that happen. And, with four kids you should have expected the juggling and all the more reason to share custody 50-50. We have always been told the day and times at sign up and in the sport we have a choice of a few different options.

I guess we've signed our kids up for different sports/leagues then. That was our experience with football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse-elementary age rec leagues.
As the kids were older and on high school sports teams, practice times were more days and longer hours. Often the coach would talk to the team after practice and that could take up to 45 minutes, other times they were let out 1/2 hour early. Game/match days and times were sometimes changed last minute as well. I'd feel really bad for a player if his dad was steaming in the parking lot because the coach was talking to the team on "his time."

With rec sports there are tons of options and should not be the priority. School sports are usually a few months at best. And, we have that situation now with conflicting activities but as the grown ups we talk to the coaches and make it all work.

If you don’t want your kids dad involved just say so and cut the relationship. Don’t play games or make excuses. And don’t blame dad when you set up the obstacles so the kids cannot see him.

I feel bad for kids who lose their fathers because mothers like you are too selfish to get the consequences on the kids. And, it’s not just the consequences of losing their father but how they view relationships and what is important. Rec sports are not more important. And, if they are, kids can live with dad and fit you in. How about that as a solution?

This isn't about me or my family. I'm married to my kids' dad and we agreed on all the activities we put our kids in. I'm just responding to the idea in general that moms are "alienating" dads. I was one of the first responses on this thread at 20:14.

So, you post here planning your divorce and the plan to pre ent dad from seeing them? Do you not get activities in a married family is different?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

There are specific custody laws that prevent the mom from moving.

Depends on the situation.

Your H lied to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

Maybe it's been like that in the activities you schedule your kid for, but as the parent of 4 kids-I can tell you it's not always like that. Many times we signed our kids up for a sport with absolutely NO guidance on when/where the practices would be. You sign your kids up for a sport, then 2-3 months later, a few days before the season starts, you are assigned to a team/coach. That is when you find out what days, times, and location your practices are on. Games? The times and locations of those are even LESS predictable.

This was our experience with a variety of sports, leagues, and over the course of 12+ years, so it wasn't just a fluke that we were on an unpredictable team/league.

Never had that happen. And, with four kids you should have expected the juggling and all the more reason to share custody 50-50. We have always been told the day and times at sign up and in the sport we have a choice of a few different options.

I guess we've signed our kids up for different sports/leagues then. That was our experience with football, basketball, soccer, baseball and lacrosse-elementary age rec leagues.
As the kids were older and on high school sports teams, practice times were more days and longer hours. Often the coach would talk to the team after practice and that could take up to 45 minutes, other times they were let out 1/2 hour early. Game/match days and times were sometimes changed last minute as well. I'd feel really bad for a player if his dad was steaming in the parking lot because the coach was talking to the team on "his time."

With rec sports there are tons of options and should not be the priority. School sports are usually a few months at best. And, we have that situation now with conflicting activities but as the grown ups we talk to the coaches and make it all work.

If you don’t want your kids dad involved just say so and cut the relationship. Don’t play games or make excuses. And don’t blame dad when you set up the obstacles so the kids cannot see him.

I feel bad for kids who lose their fathers because mothers like you are too selfish to get the consequences on the kids. And, it’s not just the consequences of losing their father but how they view relationships and what is important. Rec sports are not more important. And, if they are, kids can live with dad and fit you in. How about that as a solution?

This isn't about me or my family. I'm married to my kids' dad and we agreed on all the activities we put our kids in. I'm just responding to the idea in general that moms are "alienating" dads. I was one of the first responses on this thread at 20:14.

So, you post here planning your divorce and the plan to pre ent dad from seeing them? Do you not get activities in a married family is different?

What are you talking about? I'm not planning a divorce. My youngest child is nearly an adult at this point (17)-and like I said, my husband and I completely agree on the activities/sports he is in.

I'm just stating what I have seen (posted here AND in other situations I know about in friends/family) when a Dad cries "alienation!" It's usually just that he wants to control his kid's time, not be a part of his kid's life.

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Anonymous wrote:Dad wants to see his kid. Mom refuses.

How come dad doesn't have 50/50 custody, like the majority of dads who want it do nowadays?

Because as kids age and have neighborhood friends and local activities, forcing them to visit dad in a different neighborhood gets cruel. 50/50 becomes, it's really inconvenient to got there on Thursdays because that's the day dance is late, or she wants to have friends over for a sleep over Friday, can you get her Saturday morning instead... and then dad realizes he gets a couple of days a month

Why can't dad take her to/pick her up from dance? Why can't she have a sleepover at dad's house?

Friends and activities don't take importance over family. If you are teaching your kids that, the values are completely off. Dad doesn't get a couple of days a month if Mom schedules everything on Dad's weekends and refuses to let the kids go as their friends and activities are more important?

Majority of Dads do want their kids and custody. Mom's don't want it because it impacts child support.

In the majority of cases, mom isn't "scheduling" anything. Many many sports and other activities have set days/times for practice. Mom has NO control over it. If the kid wants to do the activity, they have to to the set days and times. The entire league, team, every other family involved is not going to adjust their schedule to accommodate Dad demanding "his time" exclusively for him.

As the custodial parent, you sign up your kids for the activities. When you sign them up, you see the schedule and if you know if conflicts you choose another. I have a choice in times I sign up my kids for activities outside of school. And when activities conflict, we sit down as a family and choose what works best for everyone. See how that works.

It isn't Dad making the scheduling decisions. It is Mom. So, Mom needs to take this into account.

sounds like dad needs to be a better and more involved parent.

He cannot with every other week visits. See how that works. If he had 50-50 yes but then mom would not get her income from him.

So, what's stopping him from having 50/50? It's the norm and presumed in many if not most places.

Usually mom demands full custody for the money. Not all dads have the money to fight and if mom moves away before a court order judges generally allow it.

Most moms AND dads can’t afford a lawyer. This is all typically done pro se. And the system is set up for it.

I realize you love to post about your poor husband and his evil ex who moved away with his kids but actually no “generally” judges do not allow it. As I recall your husband was in the service, wasn’t willing to seek discharge, and as a result couldn’t actually do half the parenting.

I'm not the pp you quoted, but the bolded stood out to me. Depending on the military member's rank, they can't always "seek discharge." If they signed a contract owing 4 years, they have to complete those 4 years.

So then I’m sure at the end of that contract he got himself discharged and rushed to be as close as possible to his kids, right?

I have no idea, I'm not the pp you quoted and I don't know them. I'm just saying a military member can't just put in their two weeks notice and get out of their contract. It's pretty much expected that at some point in a military member's career, they will spend months or even years away from their families.

PP posts prolifically about husband’s evil ex who moved with his kids but no, he didn’t ever seek a discharge. His kids grew to adulthood with no relationship with him because he wasn’t willing to make any sacrifices to have a relationship with him (like leaving the military when possible would have been).