Why is it so acceptable to alienate Dad?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Right? Guess what -- as mom with my tweens full time, I feel alienated all the time! Suck it up, buttercup - you still have to parent when you are having a sad.

Seems like a grown adult parent should deal with his feelings and cope.

Any dad who has so little visitation has consented to it. He can’t cry now that he doesn’t have a better relationship with his kids. All his choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

Good luck doing that if the kid is about 15+

Why do you want to force a 15 yr old to do something they don’t want, and why doesn’t the dad have a strong enough relationship with the 15 yr old for the kid to want to?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Seems like a grown adult parent should deal with his feelings and cope.

Any dad who has so little visitation has consented to it. He can’t cry now that he doesn’t have a better relationship with his kids. All his choices.

Right? Guess what -- as mom with my tweens full time, I feel alienated all the time! Suck it up, buttercup - you still have to parent when you're having a sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Why wouldn't the dad go to those scheduled activities?

Because unless the kid is 7, practices are usually closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Seems like a grown adult parent should deal with his feelings and cope.

Any dad who has so little visitation has consented to it. He can’t cry now that he doesn’t have a better relationship with his kids. All his choices.

Right? Guess what -- as mom with my tweens full time, I feel alienated all the time! Suck it up, buttercup - you still have to parent when you're having a sad.

And before someone posts this, yes I've tried switching the genders in this hypothetical and I still feel the same way. Sorry, can't write this off as sexism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Why wouldn't the dad go to those scheduled activities?

Because unless the kid is 7, practices are usually closed

So bring them to or from the practice and get dinner together on the way home. Like a parent would in any other situation. That's still parenting, even if it's not as convenient for you.

[Anonymous]

I always crack up at stepmoms simping for absentee dads. I remember when my stepmom asked me if my dad treated me the way he was then treating my half sister. Uh, obviously? I guess she’d bought all his BS that my mom had “alienated” him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

You think kids should be denied the opportunity to participate in the extracurricular activity of their choice because of a custody agreement they didn’t have any say in?

If dad gets almost no time and those days have scheduled activities, don’t be surprised when dad feels alienated and gives up.

Why wouldn't the dad go to those scheduled activities?

Because unless the kid is 7, practices are usually closed

So? Drop off … wait in your car like the rest of us.

It’s the car ride where most bonding happens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I've seen this complaint from dads, it's usually because Dad sees his visitation/custody time as something he "owns" and his right to control his child during that time. He doesn't see the time as an opportunity to be part of his kid's life.

A couple years ago there was a several page thread where a Dad was mad that his daughter was on a dance team, and the team practiced on friday nights (he had every other weekend, including friday nights.)
He didn't think his daughter should go to dance rehersal on "his" time. Instead of seeing thisn (bringing her to rehersal) as an opportunity to be part of something she loved he saw it as his ex trying to keep him from having exclusive access to his daughter during "his" time.
Some Dad's feel if their kid happens to have any hobbies, sports, time with friends, etc. on "his" time, it's some devious plot on the part of the mom to "alienate" dad.

Remember if his time is only two fridays a month, then no, it's not reasonable to schedule something on his time without his consent or Mom needs to be willing to readjust the schedule to give him some time for a visit.

Ok, Dad can be the one to tell the child they have to quit their activity. It's going to go great, teenagers love that. My best wishes for a fun Friday night!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

That sounds very likely to improve your relationship with your child! It's not at all embarrassing or stressful for the kid, right? You must be a super awesome dad.

They must honor commitments whether they like it or not.

I bet you have an awesome relationship with your child, with a police escort. Are the cops gonna stay outside your house the whole time to keep the kid from bolting? What is your plan, sue them until they love and respect you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

You’re going to force a 6”0 16 year old/boy to do that?

[Anonymous]

By the time your kid is in high school, if you have to use police force to get them to see you, it’s probably because they hate you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I see it with my boyfriend, he tries to call the kids, they don't answer, he texts his XW, she doesn't respond or have kids call, rinse and repeat.

Does the custody arrangement specify phone calls? Because it's not really mom's job to make the kids call their dad. It's the dad's job to use his parenting time to build a strong enough relationship that the kids want to talk to him. Plenty of dads manage to do it.

Most custody agreements are meaningless except if you have two rational reasonable people who are willing to work together. Dad cannot have a relationship without mom's support if she refuses contact. How does he get around her? He can't.

You clearly don’t understand custody.

If he has a court order agreement he shows up and gets the kids, if she refuses you request a police stand by.

You’re going to force a 6”0 16 year old/boy to do that?

Police are there for actual danger. It isn't their job to supervise custody transfers when there's no actual danger. If your child doesn't want to see you, that's your problem, but you're not in danger and neither is your child (except maybe from you, MRA, if you can't control yourself). You don't get hours of cop time for free just because your kid doesn't like you and is too big for parents to physically coerce.