Right! So this stellar hubby got divorced before thirty-yet his ex got half his military retirement, that you need 20 years in to get.
And he paid support and EVERYTHING extra for the kids but the mom didn't spend it on them. Yet, he never apparently took her to court to get custody of the children he says she neglected to support.
The kids are grown now but he's STILL supporting her-again from a marriage that ended before 30.
Anonymous wrote:Right! So this stellar hubby got divorced before thirty-yet his ex got half his military retirement, that you need 20 years in to get.
And he paid support and EVERYTHING extra for the kids but the mom didn't spend it on them. Yet, he never apparently took her to court to get custody of the children he says she neglected to support.
The kids are grown now but he's STILL supporting her-again from a marriage that ended before 30.
Yep, this one doesn't pass the smell test!
The most absurd part is the idea that she didn’t spend the money on the kids. I’ve never seen a dad pay enough child support to even cover the extra rent/mortgage payment you need for the extra bedrooms for the kids.
Anonymous wrote:Right! So this stellar hubby got divorced before thirty-yet his ex got half his military retirement, that you need 20 years in to get.
And he paid support and EVERYTHING extra for the kids but the mom didn't spend it on them. Yet, he never apparently took her to court to get custody of the children he says she neglected to support.
The kids are grown now but he's STILL supporting her-again from a marriage that ended before 30.
Yep, this one doesn't pass the smell test!
The most absurd part is the idea that she didn’t spend the money on the kids. I’ve never seen a dad pay enough child support to even cover the extra rent/mortgage payment you need for the extra bedrooms for the kids.
Boyfriend paid the rent. He did not pay child support for his kids. And child support is supposed to cover his portion. She also is expected to pay.
Anonymous wrote:Right! So this stellar hubby got divorced before thirty-yet his ex got half his military retirement, that you need 20 years in to get.
And he paid support and EVERYTHING extra for the kids but the mom didn't spend it on them. Yet, he never apparently took her to court to get custody of the children he says she neglected to support.
The kids are grown now but he's STILL supporting her-again from a marriage that ended before 30.
Yep, this one doesn't pass the smell test!
Yes, he’s still supporting her with his retirement.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
He paid for everything, including her needs so how is he a deadbeat? Your posts make no sense. Mom was a deadbeat as she refused to use the child support on the kids and all the extra money he sent never went to what she requested it for.
Yeah, sorry as old as time. Evil ex spends child support on herself. You’re not even unique in your whining,
She's so tiring. She comes on every thread and spout the same nonsense.
Its so tiring to pretend all women are good mothers and perfect wives and all men are bad husbands and fathers when the women caused the marriage to collapse and the women refuse visits.
Imagine being a man thinking that having made children with a terrible mother means you can wash your hands of the kids, rather than that you now have an obligation to step in and limit her damage.
It’s really shocking that ANYONE would ever think “she was a bad mom!” lets the dad off the hook.
If she refuses to obey the court order, what is he supposed to do? If the court refuses to do anything, what can he do?
Of course the courts do nothing when he fails to file the paperwork. Glad you still believe his tales.
We can see why you are divorced. You lie and make up stuff all the time. He filed, he went to the hearings. You realize everything is online to see and we have copies of it all and some I went to.
well I can see why you are miserable. I hope you didn't have any more kids with him cause he will do the same to them. Good luck.
In a very happy marriage with a great husband and father for my kids. Too bad you don’t have the same. Instead you think all men are horrible and are going to ruin your son with your male hatred.
You repeat this same bull shit each time and doesn't get any more true. No, I don't hate all men, as I've repeatedly said. I absolutely think your husband is a shitty father even if you don't. The amount of hatred you have for his ex is I'm sure the reason his kids aren't talking to him today as well as the fact that he didn't raise them. Keep your eyes closed if you will. It's nothing to me lady. I don't have to live with him. You do. If you think he is so wonderful, awesome. Keep him. The rest of us know better and don't defend dead beats. Bye
Your kid would be lucky to have a father like my husband. I see it every day. I know he's wonderful and he was never a deadbeat and paid his child support, extras, alimony and much more. He would have gladly taken the kids, and offered numerous times, especially when the boys were acting up and she couldn't handle it.
You are really going to screw up your kids with your attitude. Women like you are raising these deadbeats and setting an example of men and fathers aren't important in kids lives. You are where all this starts. You are doing all the parenting so it's 100% on you. So, time to take responsibility that maybe you were a lousy mother if this is the example you are giving to your kid on how to be a man and father.
Nah, I don't make excuses for my son when he is wrong. But you are defending your deadbeat husband over and over again. My son is a wonderful teen and will be a wonderful man despite his father.
My husband isn't a deadbeat and still financially supporting his ex-wife who is remarried with grown kids. He fully supported his kids despite how she treated him. And, he fully supported her despite being divorced before age 30 and leaving for a new partner. But, sounds like you are ok with a woman cheating on her husband and leaving/taking the kids as Mom's can do no wrong, even if they are wrong. However, your attitude is why your son is going to struggle in future relationships and not understand the importance of a man and father. Pathetic.
Your H is lying to you.
Alimony ends when married.
No, not true and I was there when he talked to the attorney. Alimony was time limited, military retirement is not and she can remarry and get it. Never said it was alimony. It amazes me you will descend a woman who cheated and left to be with her AP and destroyed two families in the process. A deadbeat does not pay support. That was not the situation at all. Grow up and realize how much your hatred of men will impact your son. You are teaching him dads are not important when you limit or stop contact so you are not giving a good example of what family, relationships and men should be. That’s on you if you choose a lousy father for him but sometimes it’s the mom and not the dad. It’s too bad your kid does not have a father like my kids have.
If it's military retirement pay, she only rates it if they were married for at least 20 years during the time he was in the military (20/20.) If they were divorced before 30, that doesn't qualify. Your story isn't adding up.
Wrong. It’s 10 years. She stalled the divorce to make it to ten. He has to stay in 20. To get tricare for the rest of her life and an id for other benefits they have to be married the 20 years. Two different things.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
He paid for everything, including her needs so how is he a deadbeat? Your posts make no sense. Mom was a deadbeat as she refused to use the child support on the kids and all the extra money he sent never went to what she requested it for.
Yeah, sorry as old as time. Evil ex spends child support on herself. You’re not even unique in your whining,
She's so tiring. She comes on every thread and spout the same nonsense.
Its so tiring to pretend all women are good mothers and perfect wives and all men are bad husbands and fathers when the women caused the marriage to collapse and the women refuse visits.
Imagine being a man thinking that having made children with a terrible mother means you can wash your hands of the kids, rather than that you now have an obligation to step in and limit her damage.
It’s really shocking that ANYONE would ever think “she was a bad mom!” lets the dad off the hook.
If she refuses to obey the court order, what is he supposed to do? If the court refuses to do anything, what can he do?
Of course the courts do nothing when he fails to file the paperwork. Glad you still believe his tales.
We can see why you are divorced. You lie and make up stuff all the time. He filed, he went to the hearings. You realize everything is online to see and we have copies of it all and some I went to.
well I can see why you are miserable. I hope you didn't have any more kids with him cause he will do the same to them. Good luck.
In a very happy marriage with a great husband and father for my kids. Too bad you don’t have the same. Instead you think all men are horrible and are going to ruin your son with your male hatred.
You repeat this same bull shit each time and doesn't get any more true. No, I don't hate all men, as I've repeatedly said. I absolutely think your husband is a shitty father even if you don't. The amount of hatred you have for his ex is I'm sure the reason his kids aren't talking to him today as well as the fact that he didn't raise them. Keep your eyes closed if you will. It's nothing to me lady. I don't have to live with him. You do. If you think he is so wonderful, awesome. Keep him. The rest of us know better and don't defend dead beats. Bye
Your kid would be lucky to have a father like my husband. I see it every day. I know he's wonderful and he was never a deadbeat and paid his child support, extras, alimony and much more. He would have gladly taken the kids, and offered numerous times, especially when the boys were acting up and she couldn't handle it.
You are really going to screw up your kids with your attitude. Women like you are raising these deadbeats and setting an example of men and fathers aren't important in kids lives. You are where all this starts. You are doing all the parenting so it's 100% on you. So, time to take responsibility that maybe you were a lousy mother if this is the example you are giving to your kid on how to be a man and father.
Nah, I don't make excuses for my son when he is wrong. But you are defending your deadbeat husband over and over again. My son is a wonderful teen and will be a wonderful man despite his father.
My husband isn't a deadbeat and still financially supporting his ex-wife who is remarried with grown kids. He fully supported his kids despite how she treated him. And, he fully supported her despite being divorced before age 30 and leaving for a new partner. But, sounds like you are ok with a woman cheating on her husband and leaving/taking the kids as Mom's can do no wrong, even if they are wrong. However, your attitude is why your son is going to struggle in future relationships and not understand the importance of a man and father. Pathetic.
Your H is lying to you.
Alimony ends when married.
No, not true and I was there when he talked to the attorney. Alimony was time limited, military retirement is not and she can remarry and get it. Never said it was alimony. It amazes me you will descend a woman who cheated and left to be with her AP and destroyed two families in the process. A deadbeat does not pay support. That was not the situation at all. Grow up and realize how much your hatred of men will impact your son. You are teaching him dads are not important when you limit or stop contact so you are not giving a good example of what family, relationships and men should be. That’s on you if you choose a lousy father for him but sometimes it’s the mom and not the dad. It’s too bad your kid does not have a father like my kids have.
If it's military retirement pay, she only rates it if they were married for at least 20 years during the time he was in the military (20/20.) If they were divorced before 30, that doesn't qualify. Your story isn't adding up.
Wrong. It’s 10 years. She stalled the divorce to make it to ten. He has to stay in 20. To get tricare for the rest of her life and an id for other benefits they have to be married the 20 years. Two different things.
The portion of military retirement she earned by being married for 10 years is enough to support her lifestyle 100%? She doesn’t work or rely on her current spouse for anything she is fully supported by it.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
He paid for everything, including her needs so how is he a deadbeat? Your posts make no sense. Mom was a deadbeat as she refused to use the child support on the kids and all the extra money he sent never went to what she requested it for.
Yeah, sorry as old as time. Evil ex spends child support on herself. You’re not even unique in your whining,
She's so tiring. She comes on every thread and spout the same nonsense.
Its so tiring to pretend all women are good mothers and perfect wives and all men are bad husbands and fathers when the women caused the marriage to collapse and the women refuse visits.
Imagine being a man thinking that having made children with a terrible mother means you can wash your hands of the kids, rather than that you now have an obligation to step in and limit her damage.
It’s really shocking that ANYONE would ever think “she was a bad mom!” lets the dad off the hook.
If she refuses to obey the court order, what is he supposed to do? If the court refuses to do anything, what can he do?
Of course the courts do nothing when he fails to file the paperwork. Glad you still believe his tales.
We can see why you are divorced. You lie and make up stuff all the time. He filed, he went to the hearings. You realize everything is online to see and we have copies of it all and some I went to.
well I can see why you are miserable. I hope you didn't have any more kids with him cause he will do the same to them. Good luck.
In a very happy marriage with a great husband and father for my kids. Too bad you don’t have the same. Instead you think all men are horrible and are going to ruin your son with your male hatred.
You repeat this same bull shit each time and doesn't get any more true. No, I don't hate all men, as I've repeatedly said. I absolutely think your husband is a shitty father even if you don't. The amount of hatred you have for his ex is I'm sure the reason his kids aren't talking to him today as well as the fact that he didn't raise them. Keep your eyes closed if you will. It's nothing to me lady. I don't have to live with him. You do. If you think he is so wonderful, awesome. Keep him. The rest of us know better and don't defend dead beats. Bye
Your kid would be lucky to have a father like my husband. I see it every day. I know he's wonderful and he was never a deadbeat and paid his child support, extras, alimony and much more. He would have gladly taken the kids, and offered numerous times, especially when the boys were acting up and she couldn't handle it.
You are really going to screw up your kids with your attitude. Women like you are raising these deadbeats and setting an example of men and fathers aren't important in kids lives. You are where all this starts. You are doing all the parenting so it's 100% on you. So, time to take responsibility that maybe you were a lousy mother if this is the example you are giving to your kid on how to be a man and father.
Nah, I don't make excuses for my son when he is wrong. But you are defending your deadbeat husband over and over again. My son is a wonderful teen and will be a wonderful man despite his father.
My husband isn't a deadbeat and still financially supporting his ex-wife who is remarried with grown kids. He fully supported his kids despite how she treated him. And, he fully supported her despite being divorced before age 30 and leaving for a new partner. But, sounds like you are ok with a woman cheating on her husband and leaving/taking the kids as Mom's can do no wrong, even if they are wrong. However, your attitude is why your son is going to struggle in future relationships and not understand the importance of a man and father. Pathetic.
Your H is lying to you.
Alimony ends when married.
No, not true and I was there when he talked to the attorney. Alimony was time limited, military retirement is not and she can remarry and get it. Never said it was alimony. It amazes me you will descend a woman who cheated and left to be with her AP and destroyed two families in the process. A deadbeat does not pay support. That was not the situation at all. Grow up and realize how much your hatred of men will impact your son. You are teaching him dads are not important when you limit or stop contact so you are not giving a good example of what family, relationships and men should be. That’s on you if you choose a lousy father for him but sometimes it’s the mom and not the dad. It’s too bad your kid does not have a father like my kids have.
If it's military retirement pay, she only rates it if they were married for at least 20 years during the time he was in the military (20/20.) If they were divorced before 30, that doesn't qualify. Your story isn't adding up.
Wrong. It’s 10 years. She stalled the divorce to make it to ten. He has to stay in 20. To get tricare for the rest of her life and an id for other benefits they have to be married the 20 years. Two different things.
The portion of military retirement she earned by being married for 10 years is enough to support her lifestyle 100%? She doesn’t work or rely on her current spouse for anything she is fully supported by it.
She didn't earn any of it. He did. She was too busy having an affair for multiple years of it. She relied partly on her boyfriend and one of the kids helps her out. And, she gets medical assistance, food stamps, etc.
Anonymous wrote:I honestly don't get this excuse-making. Maybe I'm crazy but I would never give up my parenting time because I "felt alienated". And I would be willing to live in an awful apartment with roommates, be on food stamps, work two jobs, whatever it took to live nearby. If I only got the worst parenting time, if it were only orthodontist visits and 5 am crew practice l, I'd be there. If I couldn't get parenting time, I would be at every public event. If my ex hates me and tried to make my DC hate me, I still wouldn't give up. I really don't understand people who give up trying to have a relationship with their kids.
You choose a bad spouse. Mine does all that and more, including the five am sports.
Did you even read the post you quoted? Your response makes no sense.
The post is complaining about every day parenting tasks. The things we all do.
You totally missed the point.
No, I did not. Both mom and dads do those things every day. Your ex may suck but there are lots of dads who do all that and more. It’s sad you hate men so much and are raising a son who is going to pick up on your nasty attitudes.
You don’t seem to get that if a mom moves, mom may not want dad involved if she has a new partner. She may want to hide the affair and pretend AP is dad. Not all men can just up and quit to chase around mom and her AP every time they move.
Not all moms will allow dads even their visitation time let alone extra time to go to school events, activities, etc and will tell the schools dad is not allowed and some schools follow the court order, some mom.
Who gives a flying eff what the mom wants?
Are you really saying that if your spouse moved your kid out of state with an AP you’d just give up? Prioritize keeping your military career over your relationship with your kids?
If so you’re a garbage parent and person.
You think you can just walk away and quit and give your two week notice? It doesn't work like that. And, it's often not easy getting a job outside the military as the career fields are not transferable which means you need to retrain or get a different degree. You think Dad should just up and move every time mom moves and chase her and hope she'll allow a visit? How would he pay child support an alimony if he quit his job? Then, you'd complain he was a deadbeat.
There is nothing I wouldn't do for my kid.
So, you’d get court marshaled and go to prison?
did you even read the post I was responding to? If not, please do that.
Yes, I would get retrained and move across the world if necessary to be near my kid. No, I would not kidnap the child. Does that compute better with your little brain?
I'm not the pp you are responding to, but you're insults are revolting and uncalled for.
In the military, you can't just quit whenever you want. If Dad is stationed at Ft. Hood in Texas and mom decides she wants to move to Seattle, Dad can't just put in his two weeks notice and move to Seattle too. If he has 3 years left in his contract, he has to live where the military tells him for the next 3 years. That might be Ft. Hood, it might be on Okinawa, it might be in Germany....The point is, he has no choice.
OMG, has this actually happened to you or are you just speculating based on nothing? Dad can most certainly petition the court and make her move back. I had to ask permission to move 40 miles which is what is most often the case. If she moved before the divorce is finalized, the judge will not look fondly on her antics and can and probably will order her to move back so the children have access to their father. But hey, best to go on an angry tirade against mothers with no concept of the law I guess.
OMG, no it has not happened to me. I am married to my childrens father, who is retired military, so I have seen cases like this happen. Honestly, from what I have seen (but not experienced myself) is "it depends." I've seen it go in many ways, and I wasn't always privy to all factors in the situation so I can't necessarily explain why.
One thing to take into consideration is military members can deploy at ANY time. There were several times that my own husband only got a few weeks notice to deploy overseas, and one time where he literally only got 3 days notice that he was leaving.
In a situation where the service member is likely to deploy (or perhaps even already knows of an upcoming deployment) it is absurd to require the mom to stay in a strange town, with no local family/support, and exH/dad overseas for an entire year.
And then what happens when the military member has PCS orders (military moves him to a new duty station?) The courts can't force his ex wife to move with him--and it would be pretty much impossible, even if ex wife agreed to it, for overseas locations like Korea or Okinawa.
So then what the hell is your point??? Honest question? Is mom the bad guy for wanting to move to a town where she might have some support while he is deployed or do you find that acceptable? I can't tell from your posts because they contradict each other.
Calm down. There is no contradiction. I'm just explaining how things are. Many posters here seem to be making arguments on what military members and their ex spouses should/could do that are not necessarily based in reality.
DP, and you're right, it's not simple or easy when you're in the military. But that doesn't excuse the dad who never fought for his kids and stayed in the military until he got his pension. It's true that in the short-medium term the dad is going to have a hard time. But that dad just completely abandoned his kids permanently.
PP you quoted here.
Hmmm again I'd have to say "it depends." I don't know the poster you are talking about and what the specifics of their situation are. But if a military member already has 16-17 years in, it would be foolish to just give up the retirement.
If dad has 12 years in, signs re-enlistment papers, then shortly after he and mom divorce....he still has to serve those 4 years. When he is "free" of those years, he'll only have 4 more years till retirement.
In the meantime, mom has potentially moved and remarried-and I'll tell you, more often than not, she has remarried another military member. The kids could be living with mom and her new husband on Guam. If you just get out of the military, try to go to court for custody when you now have no job (and will be spending your time "training" for a new career) and no established housing, how likely do you think it will be that a judge will rip your kids away from the mom and step dad that they have been living with the last 4 years? Away from the secure housing, DOD schools, and friends they have established?
Even if it’s within a few month you think dad can just up and move. And if new boyfriend keeps moving, dad should just quit each job and move. 12 years in is crazy to get out as you lose out on the life long benefits.
Interesting how moms generally hold all the power, can do what they want and this poster thinks the world should revolves around them and their poor choices. Mom can destroy a marriage and take away the kids and it’s fine. Dad should quit his job and follow her and yet somehow manage to work to support himself, her and the kids.
This is COMPLETELY untrue. Your husband never tried to use any of his power.
Court documents say otherwise.
Post them. I'm a lawyer, I'll tell you what they really say.
You are not or you’d know nothing happens to moms
I absolutely am, that's how I know you're full of crap. Dads who want time with their kids, get it. And any divorce lawyer in the US will tell you that.
Yes, they can get court-ordered time, the problem, and clearly, you aren't getting it, is that if MOM refuses the court-ordered time, there are no consequences and that time is not legally enforced. He had holidays, summers, and weekly phone calls... the order wasn't the issue. Every time he bought the plane tickets that they both agreed on in terms of dates, times, and airports, she'd not put them on the plane. Every time he'd call, she's refuse to let the kids talk to him. She'd refuse to give him their cell phone numbers. She'd refuse the cell phone he got them. Every time he went to court, he'd get a one day visit while in the area ordered, and she'd refuse that too. Judge would ask her to reimburse him for the extra fees/plane tickets and she never would.
There is no accountability for this stuff.
See, again, for you, it's all about the money. Not the time. Why didn't he fly there to pick them up and call the cops when she wouldn't hand them over? That's what my clients have done when the situation was that contentious. Of course that sucks for the dads. But the ones who love their kids do it.
I'm so glad there is an actual lawyer telling this fool that he sold her a bill of goods. thank you
They clearly are not a lawyer.
Says the gullible girlfriend who is blind to the fact that she is dating a deadbeat. Mkkkkaaayyyy
He paid for everything, including her needs so how is he a deadbeat? Your posts make no sense. Mom was a deadbeat as she refused to use the child support on the kids and all the extra money he sent never went to what she requested it for.
Yeah, sorry as old as time. Evil ex spends child support on herself. You’re not even unique in your whining,
She's so tiring. She comes on every thread and spout the same nonsense.
Its so tiring to pretend all women are good mothers and perfect wives and all men are bad husbands and fathers when the women caused the marriage to collapse and the women refuse visits.
Imagine being a man thinking that having made children with a terrible mother means you can wash your hands of the kids, rather than that you now have an obligation to step in and limit her damage.
It’s really shocking that ANYONE would ever think “she was a bad mom!” lets the dad off the hook.
If she refuses to obey the court order, what is he supposed to do? If the court refuses to do anything, what can he do?
Of course the courts do nothing when he fails to file the paperwork. Glad you still believe his tales.
We can see why you are divorced. You lie and make up stuff all the time. He filed, he went to the hearings. You realize everything is online to see and we have copies of it all and some I went to.
well I can see why you are miserable. I hope you didn't have any more kids with him cause he will do the same to them. Good luck.
In a very happy marriage with a great husband and father for my kids. Too bad you don’t have the same. Instead you think all men are horrible and are going to ruin your son with your male hatred.
You repeat this same bull shit each time and doesn't get any more true. No, I don't hate all men, as I've repeatedly said. I absolutely think your husband is a shitty father even if you don't. The amount of hatred you have for his ex is I'm sure the reason his kids aren't talking to him today as well as the fact that he didn't raise them. Keep your eyes closed if you will. It's nothing to me lady. I don't have to live with him. You do. If you think he is so wonderful, awesome. Keep him. The rest of us know better and don't defend dead beats. Bye
Your kid would be lucky to have a father like my husband. I see it every day. I know he's wonderful and he was never a deadbeat and paid his child support, extras, alimony and much more. He would have gladly taken the kids, and offered numerous times, especially when the boys were acting up and she couldn't handle it.
You are really going to screw up your kids with your attitude. Women like you are raising these deadbeats and setting an example of men and fathers aren't important in kids lives. You are where all this starts. You are doing all the parenting so it's 100% on you. So, time to take responsibility that maybe you were a lousy mother if this is the example you are giving to your kid on how to be a man and father.
Nah, I don't make excuses for my son when he is wrong. But you are defending your deadbeat husband over and over again. My son is a wonderful teen and will be a wonderful man despite his father.
My husband isn't a deadbeat and still financially supporting his ex-wife who is remarried with grown kids. He fully supported his kids despite how she treated him. And, he fully supported her despite being divorced before age 30 and leaving for a new partner. But, sounds like you are ok with a woman cheating on her husband and leaving/taking the kids as Mom's can do no wrong, even if they are wrong. However, your attitude is why your son is going to struggle in future relationships and not understand the importance of a man and father. Pathetic.
Your H is lying to you.
Alimony ends when married.
No, not true and I was there when he talked to the attorney. Alimony was time limited, military retirement is not and she can remarry and get it. Never said it was alimony. It amazes me you will descend a woman who cheated and left to be with her AP and destroyed two families in the process. A deadbeat does not pay support. That was not the situation at all. Grow up and realize how much your hatred of men will impact your son. You are teaching him dads are not important when you limit or stop contact so you are not giving a good example of what family, relationships and men should be. That’s on you if you choose a lousy father for him but sometimes it’s the mom and not the dad. It’s too bad your kid does not have a father like my kids have.
If it's military retirement pay, she only rates it if they were married for at least 20 years during the time he was in the military (20/20.) If they were divorced before 30, that doesn't qualify. Your story isn't adding up.
Wrong. It’s 10 years. She stalled the divorce to make it to ten. He has to stay in 20. To get tricare for the rest of her life and an id for other benefits they have to be married the 20 years. Two different things.
The portion of military retirement she earned by being married for 10 years is enough to support her lifestyle 100%? She doesn’t work or rely on her current spouse for anything she is fully supported by it.
She didn't earn any of it. He did. She was too busy having an affair for multiple years of it. She relied partly on her boyfriend and one of the kids helps her out. And, she gets medical assistance, food stamps, etc.
So, when you said he fully supports her you mean that the government provides a small part of her support with money she earned in her role as a military spouse.
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